How many of you delayed because you thought you could not pass?

[Sheena]

Thank you Tanya Smiley I'm finding out that a lot of us don't really see what others see... if the complements are
to believed. And I have no reason to think everyone is lying to me Smiley But as I've said, I just see an ugly guy still.

Amanda, I don't at all see what you see. From the first time I saw your picture I thought she must have been on hormones for awhile She is a nice looking woman.
Hugs,
Sheena

[Laura Eva B]

Anyway, my question is how many of you denied yourself your transistion because you thought
when you were younger you could never pass?
Amanda

Please add me to the list !

Seems so stupid looking back but I was absolutely convinced I would never look like a girl, let alone an attractive girl (which I so wanted to be !), and that I would always be gawped at and made fun of ....

Sure many years of severe acne didn't help (it went away for ever within a week of starting HRT !), and its difficult to "compete" in your teens and 20s when girls are at their most perfect, innocent, prettiest, and I was this awkward gangling thing in comparison .... sure is easier to compete in the beauty stakes when you're a 40 or 50 something ?

So it was 100% the fear of being mocked and ridiculed because of my appearance, not for being transsexual which I always knew parents, family and close friends would accept !

I had no handicaps like so many here, being (now) 133 pounds, dress size 8 / 10, just 5ft 7in .....

What "clinched it" for me was, after six months of self-medication, coming out to a close TS friend who coaxed me into my first real world emergence as "Laura" .... I instantly saw I "passed" and was full-time within two weeks !

Three years on and I really do pass 100% (like being with a guy (quite a few guys actually) evenings on end .... my incessant talking which I'm always ribbed for, kissing, cuddling .... without them having a clue) but that's another different dillema ....

I seem to be forever fighting off guys who I seem to attract like moths to a light whenever I'm alone in a bar or restaurant, and who I lead on somewhat terrible .... catching up with what I should have been doing thru my 20s & 30s .... but its a sad thing for a middle aged woman (even if she looks 10 years younger) to be doing ?

If I could go back in time I know that my life could have been so different, but I try not to let it get me down 

Laura x

[Hypatia]

I seem to be forever fighting off guys who I seem to attract like moths to a light whenever I'm alone in a bar or restaurant, and who I lead on somewhat terrible .... catching up with what I should have been doing thru my 20s & 30s .... but its a sad thing for a middle aged woman (even if she looks 10 years younger) to be doing ?

It isn't that, Laura... if I felt safe in that situation I would go for it too... but it's scary to me when that happens, I do not trust men. Too many very bad things happen to women that way.

I remember being 22 years old and wanting to transition, but telling myself I could never pass. I kept telling myself it was impossible until I was twice that age. Then the inner pressure to transition had built up so powerfully, it was no longer a question of possibility, only that it was imperative to get moving on it, and just go for broke. To my delight and amazement, I found that it did become possible. Laura, that was an interesting point about it being easier to compete with women your age when you're in your 40s and 50s. I think in fact that is working for me right now.

There's a saying: If you think it's impossible, you're right; if you think it's possible, you're right.

[roni]

Wow! You girls look good. I tried going out as female in my teens...didn't get any acceptance from my friends. Wasn't widely ok in the 70-80's. Thinking seriously about doing it now at 50 on one of my many business trips...where no one would know me. Just testing the waters...could I pass??

roni

[Just Mandy]

Amanda, I don't at all see what you see. From the first time I saw your picture I thought she must have been on hormones for awhile She is a nice looking woman. Hugs, Sheena

Thank you Sheena you guys keep saying it maybe I should start to believe it and see it myself

Amanda

[LynnER]

When I was a kid, I figured Id have no troubble... and I was right... well, no troubble in the passing area anyways...  Family turned out to be the real issue... <long story told in other posts>

When puberty hit, I figured Id never pass... period... huge hands, somewhat big feet...  "perfect facial hair" "A perfect strong jaw line" and a few other things...

Well, I was wrong, and thats all there is to it...  The largest problem with passing are idiots who cant keep there mouths shut... there the real issue...  well, now adays anyways... <family included in idiots with big mouths>

[Just Mandy]

Laura, I can't see how you can possibly be 48. If I had to guess I'd say 30. You really look wonderful

Seems so stupid looking back but I was absolutely convinced I would never look like a girl, let alone an attractive girl (which I so wanted to be !), and that I would always be gawped at and made fun of ....

I'd love to feel stupid about some of things I'm worried about now... omg... please make me feel stupid lol

If I could go back in time I know that my life could have been so different, but I try not to let it get me down

I fight this every hour of every day so I know exactly what you are saying.


Amanda



Posted on: April 13, 2008, 11:49:17 PM

To my delight and amazement, I found that it did become possible. Laura, that was an interesting point about it being easier to compete with women your age when you're in your 40s and 50s. I think in fact that is working for me right now.

Is it because so many women who are in their 40's and 50's have just given up and don't even seem to
try to look attractive?

Amanda

Posted on: April 13, 2008, 11:58:05 PM

Wow! You girls look good. I tried going out as female in my teens...didn't get any acceptance from my friends. Wasn't widely ok in the 70-80's. Thinking seriously about doing it now at 50 on one of my many business trips...where no one would know me. Just testing the waters...could I pass??

roni

Hard to tell from the small avatar but from what I can see you look very feminine.

Amanda

Posted on: April 14, 2008, 12:00:11 AM

When I was a kid, I figured Id have no troubble... and I was right... well, no troubble in the passing area anyways...  Family turned out to be the real issue... <long story told in other posts>

When puberty hit, I figured Id never pass... period... huge hands, somewhat big feet...  "perfect facial hair" "A perfect strong jaw line" and a few other things...

Well, I was wrong, and thats all there is to it...  The largest problem with passing are idiots who cant keep there mouths shut... there the real issue...  well, now adays anyways... <family included in idiots with big mouths>

Yea I can see that for me too... I guess the people that know will always be a problem.

Amanda

[anne_indy]

From your picture you look great. I don't know why you wouldn't consider yourself passable. I remember that when I first saw my self totally fem, my reaction was "this is who I am - it is me". But I was driven toward goals at the time - first my B.S., then my Ph.D., then I merged into the mainstream - marriage, job etc., and commitments overtook me.

[Just Mandy]

From your picture you look great. I don't know why you wouldn't consider yourself passable. I remember that when I first saw my self totally fem, my reaction was "this is who I am - it is me". But I was driven toward goals at the time - first my B.S., then my Ph.D., then I merged into the mainstream - marriage, job etc., and commitments overtook me.

Thank you so much Anne I had a strong reaction the first time I saw myself fem and I started to tell the
story here but I think I'll start a new topic because I'd like to hear others stories.

But you know there is a lot more to passing than how you look, voice, walk, body, how you move are all involved. And
I'm so scared of being the "guy in the dress". I don't want to be laughed at. So here I am stuck waiting to
get to the point were that won't happen while Amanda wait's patiently for me to get over my fears.


Amanda

[shanetastic]

I still am delaying for that purpose.

[Berliegh]

How many of you delayed because you thought you could not pass?

It's a great topic and hits home with many of us...

In my early years I looked great and went out a lot as a girl....but as I got older I looked worse and thought I was getting too old to transition. In the back of my mind I still have those thoughts sometimes when I'm feeling low or think I don't look as good as I might have done if the opportunity of transitioning had been much earlier..

[Hypatia]

Is it because so many women who are in their 40's and 50's have just given up and don't even seem to
try to look attractive?

Hmm, I had to think about that one. Your question reminded me of when I lived in East Asia, the Asian women stayed looking good all through middle age, but nearly all the white women I saw there simply forgot about taking care of their looks as soon as they hit 40, and just frumped out. There was such a sharp cultural divide there between Asians and Europeans. It was a walking illustration of Kipling's line about "East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet." I can only wonder about what post-colonial ethnic dynamics may have influenced that situation.

If I were the only 48-year-old dame paying attention to her looks, I would stand out more than would be comfortable. But fortunately, I have plenty of company. Here in the Washington DC area, we have such an array of ethnic diversity, and many women both American and immigrant are taking good care of their looks as they age. And there are some who don't.

So there's a range of looks among middle-aged DC-area women, enough to allow me to blend in well here. Plus they dress better around here than in most of America, which also gives me plenty of company, since I like to dress well. The washingtonpost.com Fashion & Beauty section is lively with informational features for chic DC babes, like Trend Spotter and Talking Fashion, you can sign up for e-mails that tip you to the latest hot styles, sales, and deals in the area.

[athena]

I'm not that old only 22, but for me I'm 6 foot and have a size 13 in mens shoes. So trying to find cute shoes is a bit of trouble.
The way I think ether you like me or you don't. It does not mater to me because; I have friends. Me personally I think I would have a little bit of problem transitioning. 

[Just Mandy]

Me personally I think I would have a little bit of problem transitioning.

You should stick around and read some of the posts, at least two women here Kate and
Keira are 6 foot or more(as I recall... so sorry if I've got that wrong guys) and have been
very successful. I worried about my height a little but I'm only 5-10 and I want to grow
up to be like both of them

There are MANY tall beautiful women, but if you are 5-10 or over you are in the top one
percentile of all women as far as height goes. But it does say something that so many
actresses are tall and I think it's that men find them attractive and sexy.

   * Brigitte Nielsen is 6'1"
   * Conservative author Ann Coulter is 6'0"
   * Actress Mariel Hemingway is 6'0"
   * Mick Jagger's Ex-Wife Jerry Hall is 6'0"
   * Geena Davis is 6'0"
   * Elle MacPherson is 6'0"
   * Brooke Shields is 6'0"
   * Uma Thurman is 6'0"
   * Sigourney Weaver is 5'11 1/2"
   * Brenda Strong is 5'11 1/2"
   * Model / Actress Rachel Hunter is 5'11"
   * Model / Actress Tyra Banks is 5'11"
   * Susan Anton is 5'11"
   * Anna Nicole Smith is 5'11"
   * Country-Singer Terri Clark is 5'11"
   * Actress / Singer Grace Jones is 5'10 1/2"
   * Playboy Playmate Victoria Silvstedt is 5'101/2"
   * Lucy Lawless is 5'10 1/2"
   * Nicole Kidman is 5'10 1/2"
   * Jennifer Coolidge is 5'10"
   * Hulk Hogan's daughter Brooke is a singer and 5'10"
   * Courtney Love is 5'10"
   * Actress Laura Dern is 5'10"
   * Multi-Talent Queen Latifah is 5'10"
   * Model / Actress Naomi Campbell is 5'10"
   * Gorgeous Actress Daisy Fuentes is 5'10"
   * Kelly McGillis is 5'10"
   * Singer Carly Simon is 5'10"
   * Beautiful Kim Cattrall is 5'10"
   * The gorgeous Mira Sorvino is also 5'10"
   * Jules Asner is 5'10"
   * Elizabeth Jagger - daughter of Mick and Jerry Hall - is 5'10"
   * Tennis-Goddess Serena Williams is 5'10"
   * Model / Actress Angie Everhart is 5'10"
   * Singer / Actress Mandy Moore is 5'10"
   * Elizabeth Berkley is 5'10"
   * Anjelica Huston is 5'10"
   * Lynn Redgrave is 5'10"
   * Liv Tyler is 5'10"
   * Shannon Tweed is 5'10"
   * Jenna Elfman is 5'10"
   * Daryl Hannah is 5'10"

Amanda

[Kate]

Me personally I think I would have a little bit of problem transitioning.

You should stick around and read some of the posts, at least two women here Kate and Keira are 6 foot or more...

6'2" here

It really hasn't been a problem. You WILL get noticed though, especially with men. Women don't seem to notice it much, I guess because as someone once suggested, they're more used to seeing people taller than themselves.

~Kate~

[Nero]

Me personally I think I would have a little bit of problem transitioning.

You should stick around and read some of the posts, at least two women here Kate and
Keira are 6 foot or more(as I recall... so sorry if I've got that wrong guys) and have been
very successful. I worried about my height a little but I'm only 5-10 and I want to grow
up to be like both of them

There are MANY tall beautiful women, but if you are 5-10 or over you are in the top one
percentile of all women as far as height goes. But it does say something that so many
actresses are tall and I think it's that men find them attractive and sexy.

   * Brigitte Nielsen is 6'1"
   * Conservative author Ann Coulter is 6'0"
   * Actress Mariel Hemingway is 6'0"
   * Mick Jagger's Ex-Wife Jerry Hall is 6'0"
   * Geena Davis is 6'0"
   * Elle MacPherson is 6'0"
   * Brooke Shields is 6'0"
   * Uma Thurman is 6'0"
   * Sigourney Weaver is 5'11 1/2"
   * Brenda Strong is 5'11 1/2"
   * Model / Actress Rachel Hunter is 5'11"
   * Model / Actress Tyra Banks is 5'11"
   * Susan Anton is 5'11"
   * Anna Nicole Smith is 5'11"
   * Country-Singer Terri Clark is 5'11"
   * Actress / Singer Grace Jones is 5'10 1/2"
   * Playboy Playmate Victoria Silvstedt is 5'101/2"
   * Lucy Lawless is 5'10 1/2"
   * Nicole Kidman is 5'10 1/2"
   * Jennifer Coolidge is 5'10"
   * Hulk Hogan's daughter Brooke is a singer and 5'10"
   * Courtney Love is 5'10"
   * Actress Laura Dern is 5'10"
   * Multi-Talent Queen Latifah is 5'10"
   * Model / Actress Naomi Campbell is 5'10"
   * Gorgeous Actress Daisy Fuentes is 5'10"
   * Kelly McGillis is 5'10"
   * Singer Carly Simon is 5'10"
   * Beautiful Kim Cattrall is 5'10"
   * The gorgeous Mira Sorvino is also 5'10"
   * Jules Asner is 5'10"
   * Elizabeth Jagger - daughter of Mick and Jerry Hall - is 5'10"
   * Tennis-Goddess Serena Williams is 5'10"
   * Model / Actress Angie Everhart is 5'10"
   * Singer / Actress Mandy Moore is 5'10"
   * Elizabeth Berkley is 5'10"
   * Anjelica Huston is 5'10"
   * Lynn Redgrave is 5'10"
   * Liv Tyler is 5'10"
   * Shannon Tweed is 5'10"
   * Jenna Elfman is 5'10"
   * Daryl Hannah is 5'10"

Amanda

yes, we definitely do. I love tall women. You gals always got the best legs.

[Berliegh]

That's cheered me up...I sometimes think I'm tall at 5' 7"....

Can someone compile a list of female celebrities who are 5' 7"?

[Just Mandy]

That's cheered me up...I sometimes think I'm tall at 5' 7"....

It should cheer you up... I'd love to be three inches shorter For the
purposes of the tall women list, 5-10 is considered to be the top 1% of
all women.

Here ya go, you have some pretty awesome company:

Lucille Ball 5'7-1/2"
Jessica Biel 5'7-1/2"
Sandra Bullock 5'7-1/2"
Celine Dion 5'7-1/2"
McKenzie Philips 5'7-1/2"
Susan Sarandon 5'7-1/2"
Kirstie Alley 5'7"
Julie Andrews 5'7"
Kim Basinger 5'7"
Halle Berry 5'7"
Amelia Earhart 5'7"
Jane Fonda 5'7"
Audrey Hepburn 5'7"
Angelina Jolie 5'7"
Keira Knightley 5'7"
Sela Ward
Oprah Winfrey 5'7"

Amanda

Posted on: April 16, 2008, 02:56:03 PM

yes, we definitely do. I love tall women. You gals always got the best legs.

As a gay women I could not agree more Nero My SO is half an inch shy of six feet and she
does look good in heels

Amanda

[samanthawhalen]

This is why I love susans!  Whether something I read here breaks my spirits or further validates who I am, it's as if every thread I read (here in the transsexual section) is written with me in mind.

Fear of not passing is holding me back, definitely.  When I got home today from college (and stopping off at a rock quarry to inquire about prices) I told her about how the lady at the front desk at the rock quarry COULD NOT keep her eyes off my body.  She was really staring at my chest as I talked, then would look at my arms and my hips and really just about everything.  I don't know if she was just curious about me (she was a lot older than me, I'm in my mid 30's) or if she was grading my ability to pass.  I just don't know.  What I do know is that going on hormones (even if it was the weaker herbal stuff) has changed my personality big time.  I smile a lot more.  I say hi to more people.  I am definitely more attracted to me now.  And occasionally, I'll catch a man looking at me  

Even though I probably should not, I am so happy with the way my body is starting to look.  I even tell my wife how I like my new boobies   She told me today "you're not as bad looking as you think you are", but I'm not sure she meant it in the way I hoped, as in I look prettier than I think.

My face is so pretty boy like, but not really feminine.  I am a bonafide candidate for FFS and will get it if I can ever afford it.  There are times that I just want to go buy a pair of girl's jeans, a pretty top in a pastel color and some lacy socks and girl's tennis shoes, and just head to the mall.  But, then I start imagining myself as everyone else in this thread does.  Bulky, masculine-looking, five o'clock shadow.  I have NO DOUBT that I am transsexual so one side of the coin it should not matter whether I look feminine enough because I am a woman. 

VERY SOON here I'm going to get my first set of clothes and start venturing out.  Taunts and all.

Aeron

[Just Mandy]

Whether something I read here breaks my spirits or further validates who I am, it's as if every thread I read (here in the transsexual section) is written with me in mind.

Yea me too... I've never felt more at home anywhere

What I do know is that going on hormones (even if it was the weaker herbal stuff) has changed my personality big time.  I smile a lot more.  I say hi to more people.  I am definitely more attracted to me now.

Same here, not sure if I'm more comfortable with who I am, or they have magically opened new pathways in
my brain but whatever the cause I feel the same way

VERY SOON here I'm going to get my first set of clothes and start venturing out.  Taunts and all.

Good for you... it's exciting and I don't think you will get any taunts... at least I didn't.  I think you will
find that people for the most part ignore you... it's more of a problem inside your head. Good luck, let us
know how it goes, I love reading about others success

Amanda