Today could be a turning point

[TheBattler]

Well it is no secrite that I have struggled latly. After my 25 year battle I can tell you who I was most affrid of, myself. All of my wining and wondering why I hope I can now put at a end.

My greatest question latly has been why am I going through this. Yes triathlons was hinding the mess that I was but now it is time to not be affrid of myself, I need to use the time now to move forward.

I was questioning why I am going through this and what am I gaining. I had to see that I was gaining more then I was lossing. I have been lonley all of my life cause I did not want people to see what I was thinking - the real me if you will - hence I bottled it up and kept it close to me chest so I would not get hurt.

Well now is the time to let it go. I know it is going to be hard over the next few months but moving forward is the only option right now I feel relieved. By stopping HRT and going back I would just get stuck in that apin again waiting for me to explored. By going forward I will be able to look myself in the mirror and as last like my reflection who I am.

I have already decided to start hair removal and I will use that time to prepare work. If I get two full time by the end of this year my bad pain should only last another 6-7 months. I then can go on in this life acting normaly, be more relax around people and hopfuly not be so lonley.

The HR person at my work knows my situation very well. I will appraoch her this afternoon about my plan then give myself two weeks grace to feel better on the sprio. Hopfult I can soon be relax about myself.

At this moment I just feel relived.

Alice

[Ms.Behavin]

Hi Alice,

Your asking questions that I've had to ask many times.  For me all I can say that now that I am here I wold not go backwards for a million dollars.  The journey is not always easy,  but it does get to be fun too. 

Take care

Beni

[TheBattler]

Well it all went well yesterday.

I set up a meeting for 3 PM at a local club. After grabbing a coffee I came out with my plan to go full time at the end of this year. My plan invoves two week grace period so in early May we will get together and put together a plan that involves me going full time over christmas. We will imploy a person from Melbourne who helps work places in this situation. We have allowed plenty of time for her to do what she does within the work place when she needs to do her training. I will need to go down and see her sometime before she comes to Canberra.

After we got that business out of the way we could chat in general and the HR person is one of the people I can open up to. We talked about my jounery and how I feel, what I would wear to work and how I react differently to the "Male" population when I see a girl in a skirt. I talk about how I am always hidding my feelings that is making me lonley and I am relieved I do not have to hid any more. I am doing this because I will be at last relexed with myself. While the external may change the essence of myself will not change - I will be the person I always have been.

Hopfully I can be free at last.

Alice

[Ms.Behavin]

Oh Alice,

You are just doing great.  Glad things are going well for you.  FYI,  It was a year ago today that I went full time.  I've never looked back.

Take Care

Beni