Well it is no secrite that I have struggled latly. After my 25 year battle I can tell you who I was most affrid of, myself. All of my wining and wondering why I hope I can now put at a end.
My greatest question latly has been why am I going through this. Yes triathlons was hinding the mess that I was but now it is time to not be affrid of myself, I need to use the time now to move forward.
I was questioning why I am going through this and what am I gaining. I had to see that I was gaining more then I was lossing. I have been lonley all of my life cause I did not want people to see what I was thinking - the real me if you will - hence I bottled it up and kept it close to me chest so I would not get hurt.
Well now is the time to let it go. I know it is going to be hard over the next few months but moving forward is the only option right now I feel relieved. By stopping HRT and going back I would just get stuck in that apin again waiting for me to explored. By going forward I will be able to look myself in the mirror and as last like my reflection who I am.
I have already decided to start hair removal and I will use that time to prepare work. If I get two full time by the end of this year my bad pain should only last another 6-7 months. I then can go on in this life acting normaly, be more relax around people and hopfuly not be so lonley.
The HR person at my work knows my situation very well. I will appraoch her this afternoon about my plan then give myself two weeks grace to feel better on the sprio. Hopfult I can soon be relax about myself.
At this moment I just feel relived.
Alice
