Would you tell your chilren if you were TG?

[Alex]

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy%2022:5;&version=31;

You can select different versions from the drop-down box here.  I know most of us will only be able to read the versions in English but it's worth noting that they all say the same apart from the contemporary English version:

"Women must not pretend to be men, and men must not pretend to be women.  The LORD your God is disgusted with people who do that"

I didn't really want to go into this in the wrong thread / forum.  You're quite right Elwood, nobody can define what the true word of God is and I should have noted that despite the fact that you mentioned the Bible you did say "God never said..." and not "The Bible never said..." so sorry about that.  I'm not sure how people who believe in God (but mistrust their Bible / doctrine) decide what he did or didn't say but that's a pretty individual thing and is none of my business :p  I just wanted to avoid any misrepresentation of the Bible's content is all.  Peace, peace!

[NicholeW.]

I just wanted to avoid any misrepresentation of the Bible's content is all.  Peace, peace!

Now that the Bible has been appropriately defended may we get back to the thread at hand before these exchanges become more heated than is necessary, please? That was "Would you tell your children if you were TG?" Just for those who've forgotten that.

Thank you all.

Nichole

[tekla]

I told mine when they were mid to late teenagers, but they knew long before I told them.

[Sarah Louise]

The question was, would you tell your children.

Being Transsexual and having transitioned it is not too likely I could keep it from them.

If I were a crossdresser and only did it once in a while, I am not sure it would be important or even right to burden them with that information.


Sarah L.

[Alex]

(Sorry but if I don't reply, people might think that I'm preaching the Bible and that would be terrible :p  I'm not a defender of the Bible in any way.  Someone posted and made a comment about what the Bible said and that had nothing to do with the subject.  I just wanted to clarify what the Bible actually does say for the sake of honesty but I'd be the first one to request that the Bible is kept out of this discussion!  *stops digging a hole*)

Anyway, it's a difficult one because I get the impression that even toddlers are more capable of understanding some things than they're given credit for but they're not great at understanding how other people might feel about it.  I don't have kids and I won't do for many years but if I did I would be worried about them going to their friends / teachers and innocently saying "My Mum used to be a man!" which might not go down well for them.  I would prefer to tell them and then let my actions speak for themselves before somebody else tells them what transgendered people are like though.  No-one else should make that decision for them.

In general I would prefer people around me to be aware that I'm transgendered mainly to help dispel any myths about it so that would have to include my children really.  It would be terrible for everyone but my children to know!

[tekla]

Children often turn out to be much more perceptive then their parents wish them to be.

[Elwood]

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy%2022:5;&version=31;

You can select different versions from the drop-down box here.  I know most of us will only be able to read the versions in English but it's worth noting that they all say the same apart from the contemporary English version:

"Women must not pretend to be men, and men must not pretend to be women.  The LORD your God is disgusted with people who do that"

I didn't really want to go into this in the wrong thread / forum.  You're quite right Elwood, nobody can define what the true word of God is and I should have noted that despite the fact that you mentioned the Bible you did say "God never said..." and not "The Bible never said..." so sorry about that.  I'm not sure how people who believe in God (but mistrust their Bible / doctrine) decide what he did or didn't say but that's a pretty individual thing and is none of my business :p  I just wanted to avoid any misrepresentation of the Bible's content is all.  Peace, peace!

A good point, but I wouldn't trust that resource. People will say anything to defend their transphobia... Using God as an argument is a logically fallacy anyway...

Anyway, it's a difficult one because I get the impression that even toddlers are more capable of understanding some things than they're given credit for but they're not great at understanding how other people might feel about it.

I agree with this. I'm slipping a little off topic, but I feel like I've got to say this. My mom says there is no way a child should be trusted with their own gender identity, because they haven't dated/had sex yet. She says that is also my case, and that I can't possibly understand my own gender identity without having been in a physically intimate relationship. Today she asked me, "Please kiss a boy before you decide to do this" (by "this" she means transition). And I was like, "You ->-bleeped-<-in' serious?" Honestly. As a transman, I'm very gay, and kissing a pretty boy could only help me further realize my gender identity. You can't "UNDO" someone's gender identity. Especially not with sexual relations.

My mother seems to think I am completely "un"perceptive about my own gender identity. She says I have to have "more life experience" to know who I am. So I asked, "How do the 'normal' kids in my class know THEIR gender identity? Only applies to CISkids, right? Only CISkids can know who they are, RIGHT?" I've given this a lot of thought. I am not playing games with myself or anyone else here.

Assuming kids are TOO DUMB to handle this sort of subject is STUPID in my opinion. I always knew about transpeople. I saw a ->-bleeped-<-, popped the question, and was told the 'truth' of the matter. "Some men think they're women."

[Chaunte]

I will be telling them in about 6 weeks - once classes & exams are over.

How they will respond will be a crap shoot.

Chaunte

[Summer]

Yes i told my two children(4,12).The youngest does not understand yet,but my 12 year old asked questions.
She seems to be okay.
We have talked alot in the past year.Its good

[Melissa-kitty]

I'm telling my 3 sons next weekend. Ages 20-23. I'll bet they are stunned, but I'm sure that things they saw growing up will make sense. I have no expectations about their reactions, but some hope. My middle son has nothing to do with me, for reasons relating to my being TG, though I don't think he knows that, yet.
They have to know before my changes become unmistakeable.
I could use luck and good vibes.
My parents and sisters were stunned, still are, but amazingly supportive. More than I could have hoped for.
Namaste, Tara

[Blanche]

Childless woman here but I'd assume you've got to tell them.  They will find out sooner or later right?

[Elincubus]

I'm 18 now and at the very beginning of transition and as much as I hope to have children (in some form) one day, I highly doubt that will happen pre- or during transition. But if it happend I would tell them, try to explain to them as well and suited to their age as I would be able to do--I just don't see how I could keep it from them.

The way more probably scenario is that I will just be a dad one day. That way I wouldn't find it necessary to tell them their dad once was a 'girl', what good would it do?
But I can't see me hiding my past from them either. Eventually they would probably find it out because I don't plan on burning all photos from the past or something.
But I would try to raise them as open-minded and understanding as possible. They would know about TG from an early age, just as they would know that not only boy and girl can fall in love. Wouldn't it be great if in the future kids wouldn't think more about discovering a parents transsexuality than if they had found a funny hair do on an high school pic?

[Ms Bev]

Of course I did.  My daughter, the mother of my 3 grandchildren was wonderful about it.  She thinks of me as her father, but female, calls me Dad at home, and calls me Mom out in public, or refers to me in as 'one of my moms'.  My son-in-law calls me Dad at home, and either Mom, or Bev out in public.  My grandsons all call me Papa at home, and are learning to call me Nana in public.  All these wonderful famly members live at home currently, with Marcy and I.  Marcy refers to me as Dad or Papa to the kids, but refers to me strictly as Bev or Beverly in all other instances.
 
My son has the hardest time understanding anything outside a binary gender universe, which surprises me.  He is very intelligent, and I had somehow thought this would be naturally understandable to him.  But it's not.  He loves me very much, sees me as often as he can, and calls me Dad.  He accepts it, but doesn't understand it.  Still hugs and kisses me bye.  His fiance accepts totally.  I don't know if she understands it, but I think she does, and she calls me Bev.  Her plan is this:  Next year they will marry.  She has already explained everything to her parents, and wants her mom, Marcy, and Bev to help pick out the wedding gown. 

All this began one evening, with Marcy and I discussing my middle grandson's gender dysphoria.  One question led to another, and before I could back out, I was having THE TALK.....something that I had avoided having at all costs.  But that was before, when a family member's depression was so severe, that such a discussion was unthinkable.

But now, it's all good.  Everyone has what they want, and we're all happy.  Honesty is crucial in all our relationships, and it began with being honest with myself.
If you are interested here is how my grandchildren learned about my being ts .https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,17879.0.html

[Wendy]

First thank you for sharing your varied thoughts!
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I would be amiss to not share the tabulation of 41 respondents.  Slightly more than half the respondents had children and 86% of that sample told or would tell them.  Only 14% were undecided.  I was in the clear minority.  The remaining half of the respondents did not have children and 45% would tell them, 45% were undecided, and 10% would not tell them.
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My vacation to Seattle with my family included visiting my wife's family and everyone had a great time. (Although I had a tough time with 49 degrees F and rainy as opposed to 96 and dry in Atlanta.)

My youngest daughter (16) will not let up on her curiosity. On the plane she said to me, "Daddy do you want to read a copy of "Woman's Day" magazine?"

A copy of days into the trip we were staying at a house we rented and I had a kitchen so that I made dinner.  (I purchased fresh oysters from the oyster farm and served them on the half shell.  I also sauteed some ocean scallops and shrimp for the weak of stomach that refused the oysters.)  My youngest daughter was making the salad and grabbed two salad bowls and placed them on my upper chest in front of my wife.  She said, "Dad these should fit.", referring to the salad bowls on my chest.   To which I replied, "What size would you need?" She relied, "Small mixing bowl."  I then said, "And mom?"  She relied, "Large mixing bowl." When I asked my wife what she thought of the incident later that night she thought it was funny. 

Children often turn out to be much more perceptive then their parents wish them to be.

I agree.

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I will be telling them in about 6 weeks - once classes & exams are over.
How they will respond will be a crap shoot.
Chaunte

I hope all goes well with telling the children and taking the exams!

............................

Being Transsexual and having transitioned it is not too likely I could keep it from them.
If I were a crossdresser and only did it once in a while, I am not sure it would be important or even right to burden them with that information.
Sarah L.

Sarah that is an excellent point.  My wife is hoping that I can contain this stuff.  I realize if you tell someone then the information spreads like wildfire.  I have been having some "CD moments" too the past few years.  However my youngest daughter has popped the lock to her parents bedroom to try and catch me.  Fortunately she has trouble popping the lock and I can quickly hide under the covers.  Frankly I do not think my daughter (or her siblings) believes her parents on this issue.
..........

Of course I did.  ...
But now, it's all good.  Everyone has what they want, and we're all happy.  Honesty is crucial in all our relationships, and it began with being honest with myself.
If you are interested here is how my grandchildren learned about my being ts .https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,17879.0.html

Beverly thank you for sharing that link! You are such a positive person and an inspiration!

...........................

Cindy I have always felt bad that your family rejected you because of their religious teachings.  Many months ago I asked my wife if she thinks God will abandon me.  She replied that she and especially God love me.  Today on a walk my wife said that if a husband has cancer that a wife will not understand why he has cancer but will love him anyway.  Therefore if a husband has gender issues that she can not understand but the husband is a good person then she could love that person.  Cindy thank you for sharing many stories.

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Wendy, just to make it official, being 8 and 10 they both basically know already that I am not your usual, run of the mill "daddy" and as long as I do not totally embarrass them in front of their friends (and parents) they are quite fine with me and love me no less . . .

I am a firm believer in letting others draw their own conclusions about us - Male? Female? Somewhere in between? What do you really want to tell your kids? That your a "woman stuck in a male body that will one day have to pass (in public life)" or that "mom and you have a special private life together that you basically want to always keep between/within the family"?

Hmm.  I am not sure where I fit on the TG spectrum.  I know a part of me is refusing to be suppressed any longer.  I did not want my children to be restricted from telling their friends since they might want to talk to someone.  I never restricted my wife from telling her friends.  She has requested that I tell no one we know.  I setup a userid for her on this forum and wish she would talk to some of the SO's.  Kiera maybe one day our wives will talk to each other.  This stuff is not easy for them.  Thanks for your notes.

........
Again I thank everyone for their help.  If I stay away from the forum for awhile it is not because I am avoiding you.  I am just trying to sort things out and I have some things I need to address this week.

[Alena43]

I have a 15 year old son and he dosen't live with me. I will have to tell him soon beccuase the hormones are making changes that sooner or later he will notice. I need to tell him before that happens. I have pretty much decided to do it this summer, whiel he is out of school. I am so afraid of how he is going to react. I don't want to lose him, or turn his life upside down. He is still pretty angry with me over divorcing his mom. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. There is also my x-wife to take into consideration, she is a devout christian and I think she will try to stop him from seeing me and me seeing him once she finds out. I have friends that tell me I should wait till he's 18, I just don't think I can stop transitioning for that long without going backwards. Before I accepted who I truly was I battled with severe depression and was in and out of the hospital. I don't want to go back there ever again. I have some peace of mind now. Anyways sorry I went off on a tagent here, just this is what I am facing, live in fear of how this is going to go and do nothing, or tell him and live with the consequences.

Hugz,
Ari

[myles]

This is an interesting topic. I have stuggled over the last year plus about transitioning and the main reason is I have kids. One is 8 and one 8 (and 3/4 as he says), both adopted and have gone thru great loss in thier short lives already.  All I can think about is how it will affect them, will they lose friends, will people tease them and so on. I am also on the PTA and all the kids at school know me, I volunteer a lot. I am my kids mom to everyone, the kids don't know my name. If I didn't have kids I wouldn't think twice about it, my partner is very supportive and I think I could manage it. I just can't get over how much they could have to deal with. As long as I am the one struggling with my identity it is only my struggle, once I deal with it it becomes thiers as well. On the other hand I know I am misserable and not very happy and this also affects them.
I have decided I will go to a therapist who can help me sort it all out and put it into perspective.  While I liked my lst thereapist she has never dealt with anyone that is trans. Until then I can't think of anything but them.
Myles

[Alena43]

Miles,
I totally understand what you are saying, and I am struggling with some of the same issues. My son has already been through alot with the divorce, me being an over the road truck driver and gone all the time, which I am not doing anymore. He is very angrry with me about the divorce and being gone all the time and he believes that I am going to leave again and not be around,  so this is very hard for me to deal with. I alos know that the only way for me to have peace and any happiness is to to continue to transition.

I wish you hte very best in whatever you decide to do. I believe the only thing we can do is to be true to ourselves and be totally honest with our kids. I also understand your fear of what it might do to them, sense they have already had loss in their lives. This is so difficult to make the right descision if there is such a thing as the right descion and who is that the right descion for us or our kids. I have been struggling with this for awhile and descion time is coming soon, probably this summer.

If I didn't have my son this would be a no brainer, just like you said.

Please take care and I wish you the very best in this journey.

Hugz,
Ariana

[myles]

Ariana thank you for your reply.
I think the honesty thing gets to me becasue I do not feel like I am being honest with them or myself at the moment. I also struggle with thte fact that I tell my children to stand up for what they believe in and they should be proud of who they are, yet I am being hypocritical becasue I feel I am neither at the moment.
I know it will all end the way it is suppose to just a bit of a strugle getting there.
Myles

[Katelynne]

i don't really have a reply because i'm not trans, my SO is, but i would reccomend reading "dress codes" to anyone who is struggling with trans issues in a family situation.

[staci]

this is a question that im dealing with now.. Im in the process of relocating to Florida with my wife, when i move i plan to live full time. My daughter is 20 and my son is 18. My wife and I had THE talk with my daughter about 3 months ago because we were in the process stages of our move. My daughter accepted it 110%..when i came out to her it was like a big relief because prior to the talk i felt like i was keeping a secret from her. the day she saw me "dressed" she even had a few suggestions to help me like getting a new longer wig. as for my son, well like i said we are planning to move to Florida where i am going to live full time, and my son and his fiance are moving with us.  Last week my wife and I had my son over and we filled him in as to what was going to happen once we moved. that way he could make the choice to stay here or make the move with us. Supprisingly he didn't have any problems with it. he told me he talked to his fiance and she also didnt have any problems with it.  My suggestion is to tell your children earlier then I did. They probalbly know something anyway, but at least you dont have to hide it from them, I know how hard it was to keep my "secret" from my kids and now i know they are excepting of my life, i feel like i wasted valuable family time from them.