Building Confidence

[jenny_]

I'm really fed up with my complete lack of confidence, and am really frustrated that when i try to build there's always something that just knocks it right back down.  I've always struggled with my confidence throughout school but by the end of sixth form I was ok with it.

But during these past 4 years of  university I've just fallen apart.  I do hate myself a little for letting my confidence vanish, but I do understand how I've got here.  I've been in an abusive relationship, been raped by my (ex)girlfriend, and then having to deal with accepting me being TS.  I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, I just hoped that you could tell me what things helped you build confidence.

I do try to be myself when I'm around people, but its hard.  Its not like I'm trying to be somebody that I'm not, more that I'm being a watered down version of me, if that makes any sense.  Especially when with a group of people, its like I know what I want to say, but I don't and just stay quiet instead.  Its just all those doubts - what if they think what i say is manly, or what if they think that a woman would never say that or what if... - The doubts they hold me back, and I know most (all) of the time they are completely irrational and nonsense, but that doesn't stop me thinking them.

I know what I should do is to socialise more and meet new people, but there's just that voice in the back of my head saying that they'll never accept you as female and you're gonna say something that a 'true' woman never would.

But I know (I think) that the voice in the back of my head is wrong, so I'm gonna just go for it, and have faith that everything will work out fine.  I just know I'm gonna find it really hard *sigh*

[sneakersjay]

I'm only just starting to get confidence in dealing with people, mostly because I'm finally able to be myself.  There was this huge wall of discomfort with me not knowing quite what to do, how to act, etc.  So I hear you.

What I ended up doing most of my adult life, was finding something to do I was passionate about.  My interests are wide and varied, so I've tried and had fun doing a lot of things and had lots of cool experiences that many people have not had.  Doing those things gave me confidence in myself, even though I still wasn't comfortable socializing.

Maybe you're an introvert, like me.  I don't mind being around people (it's less stressful than it used to be, though). But after a while, I'm spent, tired, and need time alone to recharge.  I prefer a small, intimate group of friends rather than a huge, noisy party.  So some of this may just be your personality, but the extroverts tend to make us feel like there is something wrong with us.

I don't have any real practical solutions, though, but you're not alone.

Jay