Ya know, sweetie (Poly), its not a matter of saying you're sorry to any of us. It really isn't.
A lot of us have been bullied, have been unsure of whom we were. You're among people who get that part of it. Though we don't know your pain; we do know our own from many of the same circumstances.
Eventually you're gonna have to come with a sincere and heart-felt apology to yourself for the way you have allowed others' beratings of you to convince you you should be berated. You, as most of us have, have taken that belittling and exiling within yourself and now those people don't need to berate or belittle you anymore.
They've taught you to do it to yourself. I know, I'd be willing to easily imagine that most of us here know, what that is like. Some of us have gotten through it and others haven't, some... well, maybe some never will.
But, dear, that place you need to go is where all too many of us have or had to go: the place where we just realize that we are human too. And as humans we are worthy of self-respect and some joy. You and I are not responsible for every negative thing that happens in the world, nor for every negative thing that happened to us.
Sometimes, people are most truly innocent victims of others. No blame. Wrong place, wrong time.
It's a very difficult road to stop those incredibly strong voices inside yourself that have convinced you that you are worthless, evil, will never amount to anything.
So, just allow us to listen to you while you spill some of that pain, that loathing. Keeping it inside and festering is simply gonna kill you. I, for one, would find that an incredible waste of talent, goodness and heart.
You are worthy, Poly. You are good and have much to give and receive that is good and healthy.
Since I know that, and evidently others (Elwood, tekla, Nero) know it as well, why not let us hold that knowledge for you for just a little while and dole it out to you while you build, little by little, that understanding within yourself?
We know you, Poly. Because we are, to some unimaginable extent, you.
But yes, dear. Nero's right. No more cussing, okay? It won't make your pain any more real for those of us who have, or had, pain very like your own.
Nichole
