How did people relise they where TS

[TheBattler]

I was wondering how everyonen relised they where TS. Was it natural feeling early in life or was it as simple as a thought taking hold within your head.

Alice

[Kate]

I was wondering how everyonen relised they where TS. Was it natural feeling early in life or was it as simple as a thought taking hold within your head.

For myself, it was just always there... an endless, persistent soundtrack of, "I wish I was a girl..."

I've never known life without it.

Which really kinda sucks...

EDIT: Which, incidentally, scares the crap outa me since my entire personality evolved and grew *around* that "impossible" wish. If they ever prove somehow that TSism is just some psychotic disorder... I'm done for.

[LostInTime]

I realised when I was very, very young.  Just took me a couple of decades to accept the fact and to stop fighting.

[LynnER]

My earlyest memory is hideing from my parrents cuz I got myself trapped in one of my moms nightgowns... Ive allways been this way.  and Id have gone crazy if I hadnt found out there was something that could be done.   

[Melissa]

Interesting question.  I realized I had a female brain when I was younger, but I didn't know what a TS was until last year.  My feeling had become undeniably strong, so I did research.  I was very fuzzy at first between what the differences between CD (which I thought I was) and TS were and as I learned the differences, I quickly realized where I fell in as TS. I know, I know, the differences are so obvious to me now, but I knew absolutely nothing about ->-bleeped-<- until last year.

Melissa

[TheBattler]

For myself, it was just always there... an endless, persistent soundtrack of, "I wish I was a girl..."

Well I have had that soundtrack play inside my head many times. It is the new soundtrack that worries me.

Alice

[Kate]

Well I have had that soundtrack play inside my head many times. It is the new soundtrack that worries me.

What's the new one saying?

[TheBattler]

My new sound track is 'You are a TS woman'.

Alice

[Kaitlyn]

'Realize'... sometimes, I wonder if I still haven't really realized it yet. But my first step was when my feelings of not fitting 'right' and being out of 'place' lead me to feel that I should've been born a girl, pretty early in life.

EDIT: Which, incidentally, scares the crap outa me since my entire personality evolved and grew *around* that "impossible" wish. If they ever prove somehow that TSism is just some psychotic disorder... I'm done for.

Oh gosh, that sounds related to one of my deepest paranoias... that through my feelings and desires, I have 'conditioned' myself to believe it and have made it a part of me, but it's really just a mental pathology that will break down sooner or later, leaving me high & dry with nothing to hold on to.

I'm beginning to think it will take a RLT for me to put my doubts mostly to rest.

[HelenW]

Interesting question.  I realized I had a female brain when I was younger, but I didn't know what a TS was until last year.  My feeling had become undeniably strong, so I did research.  I was very fuzzy at first between what the differences between CD (which I thought I was) and TS were and as I learned the differences, I quickly realized where I fell in as TS. I know, I know, the differences are so obvious to me now, but I knew absolutely nothing about ->-bleeped-<- until last year.

Melissa

Yup.  Pretty much same as Melissa.

Except it took me about 22 years longer LOL! (she must be smarter than me!)

helen

[molly]

I've known all my life I was "different".  Over the years I've thought I was a CD, and at other times believed I had some type of perverse fetish or mental illness.  It has only been within the last year I have been able to acknowledge being TS with the help of my therapist, by reading as much information as I could find on the internet, and by joining forums like Susan's where I can compare my thoughts, feelings, and life experiences with others on a similar journey.

Molly

[Kendall]

What you can do for yourself, is in your mind when you close your eyes, take away all your friends, family, coworkers, classmates all of the society.

Take away this world.

Take away your body

Take away your worries, fears, ideas, beliefs.

Get to the very core of your soul. The very essence of being "You". Dwell with that for a while. See your true attributes. What makes you happy, joyful and true. Then build the real you from that without fear or false ideas. Because that is the answer. Are you a boy or a girl. Do you want to experience across the gender temporary, or do you know that the real you is that other gender permanent, If you could build your ideal life right now, without any problems or worries.

[DawnL]

One night when I was quite young, I awoke and had this conscious thought: "I'm a girl."  It was a moment of discovery, no questions, no doubts...those came later and delayed my transition by 30 or 40 years.  It wasn't a matter of wanting to a be a girl because I already was female.  My post-transition feelings have just confirmed what I knew with certainty that one night long ago.

Dawn

[Melissa]

Except it took me about 22 years longer LOL! (she must be smarter than me!)

Or had the internet available to me sooner. 

Melissa

[Sheila]

I have always known that I was female. It started out as I am a girl and that I will grow up to be a mommy. Then I found out that we are different and then I thought that when I grow up my thing will fall off just like my sisters did. Hers just fell off before mine did. Then, when I found out that things just don't fall off I started to become more depressed. I had other issues a lot more issues that a child of the 50's should not have had. At 15 I almost shot myself, but my dog died at that time, same time (eeerie).  I dreamed of dating girls as a girl and I know that was not thought of in the early 60's. I had guy friends and I thought they were very cute. I almost kissed a couple of them. I had a brief try at being gay and that was not me, I really didn't like it. I had always dressed in secret from an early age. The clothes didn't impress me that much, only to define me as fem. I finally found a girl I loved a lot and thought that this would pull me out of wanting to be female. It did for a few years, but went back to dressing and reading all I could on Transvestism. I didn't know anyother terms. I thought I was a pervert and was very ashamed of myself. It wasn't until I got my first computer and started writing to others and then meeting others and getting on boards like Susans that I found out that I'm not a pervert and that I really am who I thought I was all these years. A lot happened and after 53 years, I finally became the person who I should have been. I'm now 57 and very happy and no longer depressed and want to live. I no longer think of suicide everyday or how could I kill myself without makeing a mess. I'm sorry I wrote so much, but I'm really happy to be here.
Sheila

[TheBattler]

What you can do for yourself, is in your mind when you close your eyes, take away all your friends, family, coworkers, classmates all of the society.

Take away this world.

Take away your body

Take away your worries, fears, ideas, beliefs.

Get to the very core of your soul. The very essence of being "You". Dwell with that for a while. See your true attributes. What makes you happy, joyful and true. Then build the real you from that without fear or false ideas. Because that is the answer. Are you a boy or a girl. Do you want to experience across the gender temporary, or do you know that the real you is that other gender permanent, If you could build your ideal life right now, without any problems or worries.

Gee my heart jumped a few beats when I first read this. It would be great not to have external preasure/social normality and just go with how I feel. That would be a wonderfull life.

Thanks Kenkra

Alice

[Jillieann Rose]

Hi Alice,
Don't push yourself so hard. Take your time and try different things like what Kenkra suggested. Don't put your life on hold, but you don't have to decided today what kind of TG you are or even if you really are one. Anyway what does I hurt to try different things?
Here is my late bloomer story. I knew I was different than most boys when I was young. But it took me 55 year to realize I was a TG. At first I thought I was a CD or a least hoped I was but now just a little over 6 months later I beleive that I'm a TS. You see I let the genie out of the bottel and she will not go back in even for a minute. But wait she is me so why would I want to go back into a bottle anyway.
Oh by the way I have a thing for skirts and I love to wear them out shopping.

Jillieann

[Kendall]

No matter what male role, activity, or experience I have had, I always felt deeply uncomfortable in the very core of my soul. Because my soul isnt male. I learned all sorts of male behavior, but it didnt fit in.  The more I experience being female now the more fitted my soul feels. True, all my knowledge of manners, techniques, and looks havent fully come  to being, but each day I find something that I know is part of me. The society and world I built up might have been incompatible with my soul, but I can rebuild it again properly and real this time.

[Chaunte]

I was wondering how everyonen relised they where TS. Was it natural feeling early in life or was it as simple as a thought taking hold within your head.

Alice

Alice,

For me, it was a sence of harmony.  And please forgive me if I am repeating myself...

All of us have a spirit inside of us.  THis spirit is our true essence - the real person deep inside.  And this spirit has a song to share with the world.

For decades, my spirit has sung its song on a coffee-house corner stage.  A solo act.  Just me and my 6-string orchestra.  (Guitar for those who don't know what I mean.)  No matter how good, how sweet the music, there was no harmony to it.  This is me living as a male.  And I was very comfortable with it.

Then, last spring, I had a chance to live as Chaunte for a while. 

Now the exterior was in harmony with the spirit.  I went from the corner stage to singing in the Hollywood Bowl.  The Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra was accompanying me.  I had back-up singers.  Special effects.  And it was all going to be released as a live recording both on CD & DVD.

Living as Chaunte gave me an incredible feling of completness.  I was at last whole.  And I found it almost impossible to shift back into male-mode.  This, just as much as the harmony, told me that i\I may be TS afterall.

My therapist was surprised when I told her this.  I have been VERY conservative in understanding my ->-bleeped-<-.  But this sence of who I am rings true.

This was MY experience.  Yours will probably be completely different!  What will happen is that you will suddenly be a peace with yourself, regardless of where you are on the transgender spectrum.  You will find a place where your inner spirit and exterior presentation will ring clear and true.

When you hear that pure, clear tone, then you will know.

Chaunte

[Kate]

You will find a place where your inner spirit and exterior presentation will ring clear and true.

When you hear that pure, clear tone, then you will know.

You, my dear, truly are an angel...