Getting ready for first time out

[Ellen]

well i havent gone out in public dressed since i was 24 in pennsylvania
and i still remember thinking i looked perfect. but i still remember the girls in the 7 11 store giggleing behind me, i was way over dressed and way too much makeup, and a wig that looked like dolly partons hair back in the 70's. and no real girl would wear hair like that , i was so embarrased, that i havent been out since. but i am realizing that simple is better and less is more, so next time i will do better .

[Svetlana]

just some advice... please don't build yourself up for a fall, thinking "now i'm not overdressed, nobody will laugh at me"... because, there are some people that still might.  you might be lucky and not run into them... then again you might not.  so i wouldn't want you to build up your confidence only to have it shattered.  be happy... just, if the unfortunate does happen to you... then at least it won't be totally out of the blue.  things are more upsetting, i find, when they catch you off-guard.

ps. those kinds of people are being unreasonable, btw.  they won't be looking at you being ugly or not, despite that they might explicitly say as much.  what they look at is a hint of masculinity in your looks, and if they catch that, then they translate it to an over-exaggerated uglyness, not because it is (it isn't), just because they don't know where to put it in their own minds so they just put it there.  fear of the unknown, and all that stuff.  i know this because i get a lot of sh1t, and i know i'm beautiful; it'd only take some hair removal and more time on hormones.  yet these people might point and say i'm ugly.  if that was true, back when i was too frightened to dress as myself, when i looked like a man, people would've said the same things, and they didn't.  and also i wouldn't get just as many compliments as i do insults, nowadays, either.  that's the thing to keep in mind with these kinds of people - they don't mean it - they are just trying to insult you - they don't care how - they just enjoy hurting people for kicks.  there's no substance to it at all.

well done for building up the confidence again.  i know that sometimes, despite any logic that says they shouldn't, some insults can just hit you in the wrong spot and knock you sideways into next saturday.  good luck on your outing, and also good call on the dressing sensibly.  i think we all overdress, first few times around.  take care. 🙂

[kitten]

hi Ellen    😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘

[Ellen]

thanks kitten you are great  😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 >

[4years]

I don't think I can offer meaningful advice but just in case I'll try.

I have not gone out enfemm as of yet, however there are features about me that are a step away from normal. I could easily be a self-conscious mess, but I am not (now anyway, high school was something else). I do nothing to hide these features. In essence I forget what I look like and act normally. I am what I am.

Perhaps let people's opinions be opinions only and roll off like water off a ducks back?

[Susan]

Develop a I could care less attitude. Basically you have to attempt to fit in as much as possible. Do your best by wearing age and region approiate clothing. Wearing proper makeup is a big help. If someone does laugh or make some form of a public scene just ignore them and generally they will get bored really quickly. If they attempt to get confrontational try to leave. If they won't let you leave then develop a is there some sort of problem here attitude, and offer to call the police.  If they start to get violent scream for help or yell RAPE as loud as you can.

In all my years of living full time, I once got mistaken for a lesbian. I think someone laughed once but that could have been my self consiousness interpeting a seperate event as being aimed at me. I am sure some people had nasty or hateful comments after I left but I could care less.

[Svetlana]

oh, and watch out for the sneak attacks... many's the time i've been confronted by somebody and flattered by an apparent lovely compliment, only to be rendered completely unprepared for the swift consequent barrage of insults.  unfortunately, i think that we all have to be a little guarded, even to compliments.  that or genuinely risk the kind of insult that just sticks to that duck's back like it were glue.

[Nyssa]

Ellen, I hope you have a safe and wonderful
time.
Nyssa

[Charlotte]

Its hard to do, especially when your parents dont know about you...
But for me, it was a magical experience. I felt like I was finally able to be myself. I dont think i looked too bad and nobody guessed  what I was.  >  Another tip is go somewhere the ggs are worse looking than you. It helps let me tell you. I Went for my first time to a warehouse party in Manchester, UK. And anybody who knows Britain Knows Chavs. I looked 10 times more feminine than any of the chavettes and  by being the only vaguely attractive 'girl' there, I had a great time. Just be yourself, be confident, and be safe.

[Nyssa]

Develop a I could care less attitude. Basically you have to attempt to fit in as much as possible. Do your best by wearing age and region approiate clothing. Wearing proper makeup is a big help. If someone does laugh or make some form of a public scene just ignore them and generally they will get bored really quickly. If they attempt to get confrontational try to leave. If they won't let you leave then develop a is there some sort of problem here attitude, and offer to call the police.  If they start to get violent scream for help or yell RAPE as loud as you can.

My GG friends at university were told, and they passed it on to me that people
tune out a woman screaming rape and avoid the situation. They were told it was better to yell "FIRE" as more people would come and not feel awkward.

[Susan]

My GG friends at university were told, and they passed it on to me that people
tune out a woman screaming rape and avoid the situation. They were told it was better to yell "FIRE" as more people would come and not feel awkward.

Some people might but most people wouldn't.

[Dennis]

Just a view from the other side of the fence....

As a bio-female, before I ever knew I was transgendered, I was so androgynous without trying that I would get those sorts of reactions when I went out. I have been assaulted by a guy who was waiting for his wife outside the women's changing room as I cruised in, completely oblivious to his hostility, after my tennis game. If it makes you feel any better, it's anyone who, consciously or not, challenges gender boundaries, who is seen as a threat by those sorts of people. Don't let it get to you.

As you go out there, if you do encounter any crap, remember that it's not you, it's them that's causing it and you deserve better.

You go girl!

/working on his John Wayne swagger....

Dennis

[Rose Dawson]

I have been assaulted by a guy who was waiting for his wife outside the women's changing room as I cruised in, completely oblivious to his hostility, after my tennis game.

Dennis,

I am very sorry about what happened to you. I've always believed that violence of any kind is senseless and solves nothing. And, as we all know, the majority of all hate crimes are based out of fear of the unknown.

However, IMO, shouldn't we be encouraging Ellen with more positive stories?  😉 I have only gone out en femme once or twice, so I am certainly no expert on the subject. I was scared to death of what might happen when I did. Who knows......maybe I'm just too much of a fraidy-cat

[Svetlana]

well, one good thing is that the idiots who try to humiliate me always end up looking far more stupid to other people than i do, as i go about my business, ignoring their attempts to get a rise out of me.

i'm sorry, though... we do need the bad stories, too.  and i especially meant the thing i said about the sneak attack routine.  one time that was used on me to the effect of being quite deliberately groped in plain public view in broad daylight... with me so startled at the time that i couldn't react, i couldn't so much as move or whimper a response.  and nobody around did anything about it.  people seemed not to even notice.  well, that was the worst i've had so far.

but the end of it is that i still do not dress down for anyone.  i am not your bravest, neither am i your most cowardly.  i don't like the danger of stuff like that.  next time it might happen, i won't be so taken ashock, and i'll defend myself believe you me.  just know that there are people out there who do stuff like that and don't give a damn.  it's not nice and it's not encouraging but it is true, so i'd feel neglectful to not say it.

on the other side... you will get more genuine compliments than you think, they will make you feel even better than you even think they will, and there are a lot of people that will be friendly and oftentimes, interested.  and some people will be adverse, but curious, and once you explain, disillusioned with their first impressions and friendly.

i look at it this way:  you could get beaten up, so do you dare go out "dressed"?  you could get run over, so do you dare cross the road?  you could get hit by a meteor, so do you dare live above the earth's surface?  you could get your feelings hurt, so do you dare fall in love?  you could ache, so do you dare move?  you could choke, so do you dare speak?  you could die, so do you dare live?

[4years]

i look at it this way:  you could get beaten up, so do you dare go out "dressed"?  you could get run over, so do you dare cross the road?  you could get hit by a meteor, so do you dare live above the earth's surface?  you could get your feelings hurt, so do you dare fall in love?  you could ache, so do you dare move?  you could choke, so do you dare speak?  you could die, so do you dare live?

A very excellent way of looking at it.


I also agree that we need to be aware of the possibilities, pleasant or not.

[Dennis]

However, IMO, shouldn't we be encouraging Ellen with more positive stories?

You're right. I meant to be encouraging. Like, don't feel self-conscious about being trans out there if you do have any trouble - bios get flack as well. And do keep one eye out, as we all should, just to be careful.

Most civilized people, if they do read you, will admire you for your bravery and courage to express yourself.

And I do wish you the best and hope all our warnings are for naught.

Dennis

[4years]

Another way to look at being read...

One thing to keep in mind is that we are not pretending to be anything we are not.

An as I see it we have nothing to be ashamed about when someone else wrongly assumes otherwise.

[Terri-Gene]

"I also agree that we need to be aware of the possibilities, pleasant or not"

Quite true, and in a single day there will be almost perfect repore and there will be the less then positive, it's just part of the new environment, haveing some caution is essentual, but you can't let fear rule your life or you have no life.  The trick is to keep it in perspective and work with your mind, not your adrenaline.

Fear is a good thing in that it alerts you to danger, but it isn't always a stop sign, just Caution, Curves Ahead.

[Svetlana]

Caution, Curves Ahead.

heheha 😀 nice one

[LynnER]

Heyyas Ellen, and coolness.  Hope you have (Or have had) fun.  Just dont over do it and most deffinatly remember its all in your atitude 
     Be safe     
                         *Lynn*