and with some change in the psychological
I guess that was the point. Perhaps I should have met a more responsible group of drug abusers and I might have had a different opinion about what would work best for me. Who knows? I just knew that any changes in my psychology would most likely not turn out well for me. I had not seen it happen in anyone else who worked to chemically rearrange their consciousness. For the people I know who have been through HRT the physical effects were awesome, some of them though, the psychological stuff, not so much. Others though, they seemed OK for the most part.
And that's the deal. Well, well, well, you can never tell. I know people who can have a beer or a shot, or even both. Its fine. They do it and they walk away. Others, they take the cap of the whiskey bottle and toss it away thinking "Ain't gonna be using that again." I've watched people, including myself put that Bolivian Weasel Dust up their snout. No problem. Others, their life, as they knew it, was over with the first line. Might as well have eaten the gun as done the blow, the end effect was the same. And you can't tell who that's going to be.
Most of the people I know who drink, even the drunks, are at least responsible enough to keep a job and a house, but others.... hey I spend a few days (and nights) down at Turk and Taylor (or as we call it, the corner of Crack Ave and Royal Gate Way) and I see them with the plastic bottle of vodka next to them, laying there, on the street, passed out, in urine, in vomit, night after night.
I even talk to some of them on occasion - after all, as Mister Rodgers would say "These are the people in your neighborhood." And I can assure you that they sure never intended to get there. It was not their goal. At one time, they were loved, and no doubt loved others. They had dreams, plans and goals. But old John Barleycorn up and got in the way of that.
And, even if they somehow find a way out - and few do - they are never the same. Constant drinking kills brain cells, so they are a lot less smart getting out then they were going in - and in some ways they were dumb enough to start with to wind up there in the first place. So, not a good deal. Likewise all that white stuff - H, crack, meth, coke - it puts a hole in your soul that never goes away and nothing else can ever fill. They are never the same after that.
Now, my choice (after quite a few mistakes) was to stay away from all of it. I didn't want to walk on what I knew to be thin ice for me. Others might take a different path, and I don't quarrel with that either. It's their choice, not mine, to make. But I'm reasonably happy with my path. Its funny that the old "Drugs, Sex and Rock and Roll" ever got started, because anyone knows that given enough of the first the second never happens. And I was always far more into that.
