The Stigma of De-Transition

[NicholeW.]

Stigma of de-transition
Zythyra

http://y2gender.com/index.php?blog=2&p=35&more=1&c=1&tb=1&pb=1

... (M)any of us who re-transition tend to disappear into the woodwork. I think we're encouraged to sweep it under the carpet, both from within the transgender community, and especially from outside as well. Don't ask, and definitely don't dare tell! The end result is that people only hear about "successful" transition stories, or an occasional overblown, sensationalistic de-transition story from the media. Complete with transsexual regret and a pink bedroom as reminders.

The tendency to see it as a failure. If someone re-transitions, perhaps it's because she really wasn't transsexual in the first place. If I'm to be truly honest with myself, I have to admit that I've internalized this shame to an extent. It's still there in the background, even after all these years.



Posted on: October 28, 2008, 08:05:02 amI loved your piece, Z. It deserves some widespread dissemination in my opinion. Quite loverly and poignant coming from one who lived through what Mike Penner and others have lived through.

You totally rock. And have bravely and eloquently said what many of us cannot know except through the grace of people like yourself. Thank you.

Nichole

[Rachael]

re transition? is DE-transition not pc now?

and surely if 'he or she' is not transsexual in the fact that  they decided they really are thier birth sex?

[Sephirah]

I agree with Nichole, that was very well written and heartfelt, Zythyra.

In my opinion, there isn't only one transition. The transition. Any change is a transition, from one stage of your life to another, and the overall goal of being comfortable with oneself, whatever that may encompass, should be the overriding concern.

I would venture that you, Zythyra, and other people that walk this path in life, don't 'de-transition'... you simply make another transition, since you are not exactly the same person you were before. You become someone more than you were, someone who has gained a whole new set of experiences that have given you a perspective that you didn't have before. It's a further step towards understanding yourself and who you are.

Where's the failure? To have the level of self-awareness and depth of character to decide that this new transition is one you need to make in order to be who you want to be... that's a success in my book. There's no shame in wanting to be yourself. There's no shame in wanting to live your life in a way that you will feel most comfortable with yourself and with others. No matter how many different transitions that takes, physical and mental.

The choices of the individual are theirs and theirs alone. It changes nothing with regard to the journey anyone else takes in life, and I don't understand why there would be a stigma attached to the process. As long as you are a step closer on the road to understanding yourself then I say good for you.

[Seshatneferw]

re transition? is DE-transition not pc now?

It's just a matter of how you look at it: whether it's undoing the original transition or transitioning again (in the other direction). No big deal.

and surely if 'he or she' is not transsexual in the fact that  they decided they really are thier birth sex?

That depends. If you define 'transsexual' as someone who is bound to eventually transition, then perhaps, although keep in mind that there are people who complete their transition on the second attempt, or even later. On the other hand, the existence of these people is pretty clear indication that transsexuality -- in the sense of a compulsion to transition -- is not an either/or issue, but rather some people have it more severe than others, and different people have different ways to cope with it. And, as Zythyra wrote, there should be no shame in de-transitioning or not transitioning in the first place. It doesn't make one a failed transsexual.

Besides, what does transition matter anyway? There seem to be certain myths regarding it, such as the one that transsexuals are bound to do it, or that those who survive without it should not make the attempt. But is it really that important? After all, another view is that it is just an artifact of the gender binary. Seen that way, once you stop trying to conform to the role of your birth gender you may eventually find it easier to fit in as a member of the opposite gender, but the point of the exercise is not to transition as such but rather to discard those aspects of the previous role that do not fit, and to make such changes in your body that seem necessary.

Or that's how I see it. But what do I know -- I'm not set out to transition, just to prepare for the day when one of my coworkers asks me how come I not only wear a bra but do so without stuffing it.

  Nfr

[Rachael]

how is it completeing transition if they are just reverting to thier original sex?

transition is changing sex, NOT changing you
that happens as a side and is not what this is about....

[Sephirah]

Depends how you view transition.

From: http://www.wordreference.com/definition/transition

transition 
A     noun
1  passage, transition
    the act of passing from one state or place to the next 
  Category Tree:
act; human action; human activity
  ╚action
     ╚change
        ╚change of state
              ╚passage, transition
                     

I think that a change of sex may be a by-product of a transition, but the use of the word isn't, and shouldn't be limited to being the single arbitrary name of a physiological process. Transition is change. And if someone makes the change from one sex to the other and then chooses to change to the other sex again, they aren't changing back because they aren't going to be exactly the same person they were before.

This is just my opinion. I don't believe there are 'de-transitions', only a series of regular transitions or changes, each of which produces something, or someone different. So if one transition is completed from male to female, then another transition is completed from female to male. Each one, I think, should be treated seperately.

[Rachael]

There we will have to disagree babes, i view transition as changing ones birth sex to match thier mental gender within THIS context. Someone transitioning from male to female, then back to male is UNDOING that change, and thus detransitioning.... I dont think transition is anything BUT the process of changing sex.... if it involves changing YOU... you're doing it wrong

[tekla]

Any major change, changes you.  You're a different person for having gone down one road than had you gone a different route.  I can't imagine any transition that would not involve change on a personal as well as physical level.

[NicholeW.]

I cannot imagine anyone being alive and not being in a constant state of transition that goes far beyond any sex-changes or changes back.

Life is persistent and constant change.

Nikki

[findingreason]

I agree with Nichole and Leiandra both on this issue. Life is always about transitions, from one thing to another, and it changes the person along the way.

Imagine if a person goes to live in another country for a whole year, adapts to the new surroundings, and then decides to return to their native country. The stay in that country is going to affect them in some way or another, and they are going to view life a little differently. This experience on their part is going to have a profound effect on their life. So it's not just gender, it's everything encompassing life that involves change.

[tekla]

Life is persistent and constant change

No doubt, some of which we're very aware of and even trying to shape, others that we don't notice till much later.

[NicholeW.]

OK, I'm gonna flog others to just read some of R.D. Laing again.

He was a wise, if flawed man, who glimpsed a lot in the psychology of being human that we write off due to his alcoholism and suicide. But wisdom is simply that, regardless of from whom it emits.

The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change; until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds. R. D. Laing

[lisagurl]

Being aware and doing something about being aware are two different things. Just like time is passing and no two moments are the same can be called change. But your identity and the subjective way you make decisions followed by your actions rely on a constant set of values that are only changed after enough evidence and experience convince you to change them.

[soldierjane]

In a way, for some folks to figure out their gender identity, they *need* the journey there and back. I don't think it's our place or anyone's to judge. I met someone who detransitioned and someone who after wanting to transition decided they'd rather stay where they were. I just asked them how they wanted me to call them and with which pronouns. Period. 

One wishes life was simpler, but it sometimes isn't. I guess now that transitioning is more commonplace, de/retransitioning will be more commonplace as well.

Regarding Mike Penner, it's a sad story. I still think that a full public transition like that should have been more carefully considered by both him and his therapist. Being transgender puts you on the path for a world of hurt, and sevenfold if you're a public person.

[Kate]

In a way, for some folks to figure out their gender identity, they *need* the journey there and back...

And sometimes back again, as didn't Donna Rose detrans, then retrans? And Annah Moore? (books from whom I've read)

I don't think it's all that uncommon. Try it, "fail," realize what you did "wrong," and try again better informed next time.

IMHO, GID has this unrelenting way of getting it's way in the end, regardless of the consequences.

~Kate~

[Lisa Harney]

There we will have to disagree babes, i view transition as changing ones birth sex to match thier mental gender within THIS context. Someone transitioning from male to female, then back to male is UNDOING that change, and thus detransitioning.... I dont think transition is anything BUT the process of changing sex.... if it involves changing YOU... you're doing it wrong

To me, detransition denotes a lack of effort, you just "stop doing something" and it's over. I don't think that many people who retransition just stop doing everything. One woman I know who transitioned to male and back has been going through a lot of the same medical and social crap that trans women catch, for example, and that sounds more like a transition than a detransition.

Why does the terminology bother you? Why invoke the spectre of political correctness?

Posted on: October 28, 2008, 05:13:14 pm

In a way, for some folks to figure out their gender identity, they *need* the journey there and back. I don't think it's our place or anyone's to judge. I met someone who detransitioned and someone who after wanting to transition decided they'd rather stay where they were. I just asked them how they wanted me to call them and with which pronouns. Period. 

One wishes life was simpler, but it sometimes isn't. I guess now that transitioning is more commonplace, de/retransitioning will be more commonplace as well.

Regarding Mike Penner, it's a sad story. I still think that a full public transition like that should have been more carefully considered by both him and his therapist. Being transgender puts you on the path for a world of hurt, and sevenfold if you're a public person.

Er, what?

If you need to transition, you transition. I don't see why being a public figure should mitigate that. That in effect makes your life about other people and is kinda paternalistic.

[Shana A]

re transition? is DE-transition not pc now?

I see people using both terms.

For me, although it might have outwardly appeared as a transition back, it was another transition, beyond. But not recognized in a dual, either/or environment.

In a way, for some folks to figure out their gender identity, they *need* the journey there and back. I don't think it's our place or anyone's to judge. I met someone who detransitioned and someone who after wanting to transition decided they'd rather stay where they were. I just asked them how they wanted me to call them and with which pronouns. Period.

I really like what you said Soldierjane! At the risk of sounding new-agey, I view my journey across genders as a spiritual one. I learned things that I wouldn't have known any other way. And of course, this journey isn't over. As others have commented, sometimes people re-transition and then transition again.

Zythyra

[soldierjane]

Er, what?

If you need to transition, you transition. I don't see why being a public figure should mitigate that. That in effect makes your life about other people and is kinda paternalistic.

"Paternalistic"? I think you misunderstand. I'm only thinking about the hassle and pain that the person who transitions has to go through and how that can be a huge damper on the enjoyment of transitioning and self expression, even leading to depression and other mental health issues. Some people buckle and break after facing continuous harassment so if someone is going to de/retransition, I'd like to make sure that it's because it's what they want and the next step in their developmental path, not just because they got shot down or the pressure was too much. The choice is to be theirs, not indirectly other people's.

"If you need to transition, you transition" True indeed, but from deciding to transition until reaching a successful transition there's a lot of steps in-between not necessarily related to figuring out your gender identity proper.

[Rachael]

Enjoyment of transition?



in the quiet words of the virgin mary.... come again?

[soldierjane]

Enjoyment of transition?



in the quiet words of the virgin mary.... come again?

LOL, well, to be honest with you I hadn't been as happy in my life until I started transition to be myself and be where I wanted. If transition didn't have little joys packed along with the sorrows we wouldn't do it, right?