WE'LL BUILD A WALL NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE
My entire life I've manufactured my own dreams for the apparent reason of
keeping my heart above the depression waterline. I built a wall so
high, I sometimes wonder if I could have the strength to climb to the
top. One simple thing, I'll build a wall where no one else can see. Of
all that I saw in my lifetime, all the personal things I have
experienced and what I have seen others go through, is it any wonder
why I choose to remain locked safely behind my wall?! I walk through
the city streets sometimes dancing and singing like a rock star, other
times I just keep to myself getting lost in my own world constantly
seeking what I can be and how I can be better at everything I do! I
walk to see the world, I walk to stay fit, I walk to see the fires in
the sky. The streets can be a very lonely place as I see strangers
shuffling along minding their own business seemingly locked behind
their own wall! Some with angry faces, some with a fake smile, others
look like they want to break down and cry. Can't I make a difference? I
guess I should say "we" will build a wall, Caution I believe is the
product of heart break and misery, not the cause. Caution is my wall,
whenever I get hurt I run to her and she always has a way of putting a
smile on my face! Every day I learn more about myself, and this is one
of those things I have found. I cannot and will not attempt to destroy
Caution; she is my world and my refuge. I can lay my head upon her
breast and feel her breathing as she rubs her fingers gently through my
hair telling me everything will be all right, just leave it to me. In a
world full of lunatics and crazy people, I don't feel I'm one of that
breed. I am merely trying to fight for my own survival and sanity,
which is how Caution in some back handed way was manifested. My whole
life I've engulfed my mind in music and fantasy! That's all I had. I
never really completely gave myself to my wife as I am too over
protective of my heart. 21 years of marriage and my wife does not have
me 100 percent, I know, that's sad, but I don't know how to begin to
even let her in! Is the damage already done? I never meant to hurt her
by doing my own thing; I was always independent and lost within the
realm of a reality that I created. Yet, I often feel that I could not
live without her. I don't believe that I will ever change my view in
life as far as self protection and self preservation goes whether it is
physical or emotional. I guess people like myself have different ways
of processing things in life that seemingly create a destiny! But
nothing is impossible to change or tweak! (2-26-2008)
[written by hardcore raver] scarboroughfair
