Detransition

[cindybc]

Now I don't pretend to know everything about transsexualism and actually know next to nothing about ->-bleeped-<-, nor am I a gender therapist. But from what I have learned and and lived full time for 9 years and I do understand some about transsexualism one may be able to repress it for many years, some not.

Some have gone part way, didn't have what it took and retreated, then began the long journey again, maybe several times before they actually made it across the line. Support is the biggest part of anyone's needs, equally whether going ahead or retreating in their transition.

It is disappointing, saddening, and discouraging to see someone fall back, especially if it was someone one you had befriended. In cases like that I have found that most times all one can really do for that individual is to pray for them. 

But if one is truly transsexual the detransitioning will not be for long and it could be costly, not just financially but also emotionally and spiritually.

And if you can transition and resume your old life and be happy with it, then may God bless and do yourself a favor: never return to the doors of the rooms of transsexuality, GID, and transitioning again, for transsexuality, HRT, and GID will eventually surely kill you just as readily as a gun or a knife.

Imagine your bring brainwashed from female to male, back and forth, because that is what the HRT does to your mind. How long do you think your sanity can take that stretching back and forth before it snaps?

Cindy

Sorry had a couple of typo's and a left out.

[Rachael]

Ok wow... your interpretation is completely bloody wrong....

I AM ALL IN FAVOUR OF DETRANSITION... *facepalms* i was saying the community has a tendanncy to be all 'ew detransition' and view anyone who does so in bad light.... i dont like the suggestion that i would attack someone for thier belief, thats against the rules here hon. Plus please try and read a post, not between its lines when there isnt any....

well, you were the one that said you were finding people's attitudes "disturbing" and that they ought to "get a grip..." uh, which is not an attack, i suppose (since it's just implying insanity).

I would apreciate it if we left the word 'attack' out... ive already said that wasnt my intention. So stop suggesting it was.
i find the predomenance of an attitude disturbing, when its based on incorrect values... A lot of transwomen see being women as some awesome fun thing... why would someone want to go back to being a smelly guy? I'm afraid people thinking transition is beter than male for all cases (it does happen, and some examples in this thread ilustrate my point nicely... yes, disturbing attitudes is bout right...

and get a grip suggests someone take a look at what they are writing, stop reading into things hon, and if you do, be damn sure to pick someone who you can pull the attittude routine on and have it work....

[Ell]

Ok wow... your interpretation is completely bloody wrong....

I AM ALL IN FAVOUR OF DETRANSITION... *facepalms* i was saying the community has a tendanncy to be all 'ew detransition' and view anyone who does so in bad light.... i dont like the suggestion that i would attack someone for thier belief, thats against the rules here hon. Plus please try and read a post, not between its lines when there isnt any....

well, you were the one that said you were finding people's attitudes "disturbing" and that they ought to "get a grip..." uh, which is not an attack, i suppose (since it's just implying insanity).

I would apreciate it if we left the word 'attack' out... ive already said that wasnt my intention. So stop suggesting it was.
i find the predomenance of an attitude disturbing, when its based on incorrect values... A lot of transwomen see being women as some awesome fun thing... why would someone want to go back to being a smelly guy? I'm afraid people thinking transition is beter than male for all cases (it does happen, and some examples in this thread ilustrate my point nicely... yes, disturbing attitudes is bout right...

and get a grip suggests someone take a look at what they are writing, stop reading into things hon, and if you do, be damn sure to pick someone who you can pull the attittude routine on and have it work....

"incorrect values"? now you are the arbiter of what constitutes a correct or an incorrect value? thanks, i've always wondered who that person was...

-ell

[Rachael]

Yeah, and i'm also a part time social standard assesser...

[Rita Irene]

jesus christ...

I see them coming this way with the lock

[Rachael]

If people stopped picking fights, there wouldnt be any need... *sigh* either way. Back on topic.

[Ell]

If people stopped picking fights

Heheh. i'll let it go this time.  *pats you*

[glendagladwitch]

Yep I said it. I was thinking of it since I can`t afford to transition and I miss the old life I had. So it is quite possible I may detransition. What is wrong with me??? I can`t beleve i would consider it, but I am. After a top surgery ( how ever much that costs???) I could go back to Hawaii and surf & boat with my friends and live the Island life I love so much. I would get to live with my children for sure and stay married to my wife. There are some good things to come out of detransition but I would have to live forever knowing I gave up on being me. ( I`m not entirly sure I would ever be passable anyway) Going either way is very hard for me to do so I just might do it.   Ever been there? I know for sure i don`t want to be known as trans the rest of my life. I also don`t want to be a man. So I just think life might be easier for me if I just go back to the way things where. A hiddin Island girl in a mans body.
Thanks, Angie

As many have said before me, transition is a treatment, not a cure.  There is still a significant amount of dissatisfaction remaining on the other side of transition.  Maybe you are in a position now to see that whatever increase in satisfaction you have obtained or will obtain from transitioning does not or will not outweigh the pain of the losses incurred by travelling that path.  Another old saw is that the goal of tranistion is to achieve a bearable level of discomfort.  If you can return to that pretransition state and, with the benefit of having explored your gender identity at length, be able to bear that level of discomfort, then you will have successfully achieved a worthy goal.

[Rachael]

I disagree Glenda.... Transition IS a cure, if the person is dysphoric enough to need to...  And i dont know about you, but for some of us, transition has given us no disattisfaction.... if transition is a matter of least discomfort, you're doing it wrong... Its something you have to do to live a functional life... if you can do it without it, you clearly shouldnt...

[Sephirah]

Yep I said it. I was thinking of it since I can`t afford to transition and I miss the old life I had. So it is quite possible I may detransition. What is wrong with me??? I can`t beleve i would consider it, but I am. After a top surgery ( how ever much that costs???) I could go back to Hawaii and surf & boat with my friends and live the Island life I love so much. I would get to live with my children for sure and stay married to my wife. There are some good things to come out of detransition but I would have to live forever knowing I gave up on being me. ( I`m not entirly sure I would ever be passable anyway) Going either way is very hard for me to do so I just might do it.   Ever been there? I know for sure i don`t want to be known as trans the rest of my life. I also don`t want to be a man. So I just think life might be easier for me if I just go back to the way things where. A hiddin Island girl in a mans body.
Thanks, Angie

It seems to me that there are two types of people in this world, Angie. There are those who internalise their lives and those who externalise their lives.

What I mean by that is that some people gain a greater sense of self and their place in the world by the connections they form, the contributions they make, and the relationships they share... whilst others rely on their inner voice and their internal mental blueprint superimposing itself.

Neither, I think, is better or worse than the other. Both are just different ways of achieving the same thing, namely peace and a sense of belonging.

You, I think, are one of the externalists. And I get the sense from your post that your life would be more bearable for you if you could find your place in the world through your interactions with the people you care about and the things you enjoy doing.

There is nothing wrong with you. We all travel life's road in different ways and, like all travellers, this allows for retracing your steps to find the path that feels best for you in reaching your destination. The only thing that matters is that you keep moving, keep putting one foot in front of the other, whichever direction you choose to travel.

I'm not going to state the relative merits or not of transition, whichever one that may be, because on an individual level it's pretty much a futile argument. However, something to consider is: You say you would give up on being you. Physically that may be true, insomuch as you won't look the way you feel you should look... but as you allude to in your post, the things you would be going back to, the things you miss, the very reasons you feel you want to do this... how much do they also define you?

You're more than a body, you're a person. And part of being a person is living your life, doing things that make you happy. I suppose that the ultimate goal of transitioning is to be who you believe yourself to be... however, I believe that even that is only a means to an end, and that end is to live, to do things that give you a sense of fulfilment. If you feel that this can be achieved by other means than physically correcting your gender then do whatever you feel you need to do.

[Rachael]

just want to say that was awesome Leiandra....

[je]

Oh my god, Leiandra, that was awesome.

[cindybc]

Yep, our Leiandra is a smart kid, and a caring heart to boot.

Cindy

[glendagladwitch]

I disagree Glenda.... Transition IS a cure, if the person is dysphoric enough to need to...  And i dont know about you, but for some of us, transition has given us no disattisfaction.... if transition is a matter of least discomfort, you're doing it wrong... Its something you have to do to live a functional life... if you can do it without it, you clearly shouldnt...

If your dysphoria is strong enough, the capabilities of modern science are not sufficient to provide everything you want or need to truly complete transition.  There's always something left, whether it's shoulder to hip ratio, lack of a womb, the painful reminder of dilation, a lower voice than you'd like, or just lingering memories and after affects of socialization in the wrong gender.  Some of this might make more sense to you down the road.

[cindybc]

I believe that the true TS's instinctual and rational or id, is characterized as being the right hemisphere of the brain which is theorized to be more female oriented. Just as it is theorized that the early development of the brain from time of gestation to embryo to fetus the brain has been doused in female hormone thus stimulating the brain to develop into the female pattern of thought or id.

After the child is born it is raised and conditioned to think and act like the gender that is visually evident to the eye, very rarely is there attention paid to the attributes and behavior they might indicate that is evidently contrary to the outward visual appearance of the sex the child presents. Must be taught to behave in the right gender.

Thus for how many years one is conditioned, sometimes with force, to believe, think, and feel to be the gender or sex they are not? Once the person has reached the sufficiently mature age to make their own decision to pursue transitioning to their preferred sex or gender, it will take at least that many years to reprogram ones mind, id or rational to feel comfortable in the opposite sex or gender of choice. Is it choice? I believe that subconsciously we are driven instinctively to follow a path where we need to evolve into being our true selves, who we truly are within.

Instinct I believe is for the most part genetic. Even if your mom had some kind of mental defect because of some defective or abusive upbringing or life history doesn't mean that the genetic code was damaged in the entire line of ancestry. Thus your sisters will grow up unaffected by your moms defective rearing.

I had a foster daughter who was raised by a an abusive drunk, she swore she would never touch the stuff and she is living well, the last time I have heard she had a good job and has a loving husband and three beautiful children.

Now this is only my opinion and it is open for debate. I don't really think there is a pat answer to the phenomena of transsexuality except for what each and every individual one of us experiences, and those experiences can be as varied as the winds of change itself.

Cindy
     

[Alyssa M.]

I disagree Glenda.... Transition IS a cure, if the person is dysphoric enough to need to...  And i dont know about you, but for some of us, transition has given us no disattisfaction.... if transition is a matter of least discomfort, you're doing it wrong... Its something you have to do to live a functional life... if you can do it without it, you clearly shouldnt...

If your dysphoria is strong enough, the capabilities of modern science are not sufficient to provide everything you want or need to truly complete transition.  There's always something left, whether it's shoulder to hip ratio, lack of a womb, the painful reminder of dilation, a lower voice than you'd like, or just lingering memories and after affects of socialization in the wrong gender.  Some of this might make more sense to you down the road.

I think you two are arguing semantics. I don't think that's bad -- the semantics inform how you look at things -- but I'd suggest, Glenda, that dissastifaction of some sort, not too different from what you describe, is a universal experience. I don't know a soul who's not been battered. I don't have a friend that feels at ease. In medicine, a cure isn't always a pretty or desireable result, but only the least undesirable. Often it just means going from an unbearable to a tolerable condition. If a woman with breast cancer and has a mastectomy and no cancer returns, you call it a cure. Or maybe you don't -- like I said, semantics.

~Alyssa

[Rachael]

Disattisfaction is hugely common.... A lot of transwomen go through transition putting the world on hold, expecting a land of frills and rainbows when they finish... like transition will create a life for you.

Life cannot stop. You have to go for things as soon as you can and build your own life, if you do, the final surgery is simply an enabling... a final freedom...  Life is what you make it... not what some thai surgeon makes it

[mmelny]

Disattisfaction is hugely common.... A lot of transwomen go through transition putting the world on hold, expecting a land of frills and rainbows when they finish... like transition will create a life for you.

Life cannot stop. You have to go for things as soon as you can and build your own life, if you do, the final surgery is simply an enabling... a final freedom...  Life is what you make it... not what some thai surgeon makes it

amen!

[glendagladwitch]

I disagree Glenda.... Transition IS a cure, if the person is dysphoric enough to need to...  And i dont know about you, but for some of us, transition has given us no disattisfaction.... if transition is a matter of least discomfort, you're doing it wrong... Its something you have to do to live a functional life... if you can do it without it, you clearly shouldnt...

If your dysphoria is strong enough, the capabilities of modern science are not sufficient to provide everything you want or need to truly complete transition.  There's always something left, whether it's shoulder to hip ratio, lack of a womb, the painful reminder of dilation, a lower voice than you'd like, or just lingering memories and after affects of socialization in the wrong gender.  Some of this might make more sense to you down the road.

I think you two are arguing semantics. I don't think that's bad -- the semantics inform how you look at things -- but I'd suggest, Glenda, that dissastifaction of some sort, not too different from what you describe, is a universal experience. I don't know a soul who's not been battered. I don't have a friend that feels at ease. In medicine, a cure isn't always a pretty or desireable result, but only the least undesirable. Often it just means going from an unbearable to a tolerable condition. If a woman with breast cancer and has a mastectomy and no cancer returns, you call it a cure. Or maybe you don't -- like I said, semantics.

~Alyssa

Agreed

Post Merge: January 23, 2009, 07:15:30 AM

Disattisfaction is hugely common.... A lot of transwomen go through transition putting the world on hold, expecting a land of frills and rainbows when they finish... like transition will create a life for you.

Life cannot stop. You have to go for things as soon as you can and build your own life, if you do, the final surgery is simply an enabling... a final freedom...  Life is what you make it... not what some thai surgeon makes it

Agreed