True Reflections

[Nero]

Hello guys and dolls.
I'm curious about something. I've heard a few TS make comments like, "I know how I am supposed to look." or "I feel I'm really taller/shorter than this."
Are all TS haunted by the image of a phantom man or woman in their heads, in their dreams?
Is it pure fantasy or is it perhaps how one would've really appeared had he/she been born "anatomically correct"?
If you've never been haunted by this phantom image of yourself, you'll probably think I've lost it.
Either way, please humor me here.

[Melissa]

For me, the biggest "phantom" parts was my missing breasts.  I have had to compensate for the feeling of a lack of weight since I was a young teenager; usually with a pillow.  Now that the weight is there, it just feels "right".  I still sllep with the pillow there sometimes, but this is mostly out of habit.  As for height/looks, I never felt something was "wrong", but I just was never happy with it.  I love how I look now (except for being a bit overweight) and my height isn't much different than before.  Most of the time I feel taller than other women, but occasionally I'm the short woman, and that seems to balance things out.

Melissa

[Sheila]

I had never had a phantom person in me or maybe it was those voices that I hear every once in a while. I don't pay attention to them anyway. I would have liked to have transitioned a lot younger and then maybe I would have like some different looks, but now that I took care of one thing I feel marvalous baby. I am who I should have been when I was born, but better late than never. I guess I should have another 30 or 40 years left, unless my wife shoots me. She loves me I know she does, I hope. I sleep with one eye open. Well, she can't threaten me with cutting off something anymore, too late, I did it already.
Love Sheila

[Chynna]

Oh...deep I like that...
(take that comment as you want!)

Anyways, Everytime I look in the mirror I see your Phantom!!

Its like see myself now ad still seeing my boy side...then as I stare deeper I can see the woman I want..or think...or aspire to be Oh there she is hidden beneth that vail named Damion!...
But If I continue to stare or stare just past my reflection I see the boy\man I once was again...its like a now you see her now you don't type of effect or like both of us are still trying to find that happpy medium between man & woman.......Between Chynna & Damian

I feel you...

Reflections can be
Well...
A mirror past one's self!

Chynna

[Luc]

No, no phantom self here... just things that feel wrong, so I hope to compensate for them. When I look in the mirror, my breasts look strange. They feel strange. However, I can't see myself without them unless I'm wearing a binder. Same with my height... I just always felt like I should have been taller. Now, I feel like I am, just because I feel like I have so much power over other people (not evil power lol). However, it's all about how I present myself to the public. If there were no mirrors and no people to say anything, I would feel like a man without binder, lift shoes, whatever. It's when I get reactions that aren't concurrent with my state of mind that I know I need those things.

Rafe

[Jennifer72]

I do have that phantom. Every time I look in the mirror, I can see her.  I can see the missing breasts and the feminine features. She didn't appear untill late last year, but I know she's there. She's in my mind too. I appear in my dreams (when I can remember them) as a woman. I know that I was always attracted to softer, prettier things, not manly things. So, I think that she was always there, I just couldn't see her untill recently.

Jennifer

[cindianna_jones]

A lot of us go through a cross dressing phase. It's hard to let that part go. During that time, many of us do all the things that epitomize womanhood in our society..... we want to look pretty, to dress nice, to feel feminine.  It's hard to feel feminine at that point in jeans and a tee shirt.

So, you'll often hear comments like "I'm too tall", "I'm too big", etc.  After we live full time in the opposite role, a lot of that passes and we don't worry about it so much any more.  Some can never leave the "do I pass" thing behind. 

You see, going to the male side of the fence.... it's a lot easier since you guys ALWAYS look great! 

Cindi

[Nero]

 
You see, going to the male side of the fence.... it's a lot easier since you guys ALWAYS look great! 

Cindi

Thanks. I hope so.

[Buffy]

Hi ....

Not sure I am haunted by a phantom woman in my head, but I have a vision (probably unrealistic) about how I should look.

I still don't like mirrors, photographs and reflections as I basically don't like to see myself. It makes me sad that I do not look like my vision.

I have talked to many people about this and I guess it is the Dysphoria part of GID that I can't shake off. I have fixed the GI bit, but only know am I starting to see the person (visually) that I want to be..... Does that sound strange?

Hey, I pass, I live a good life but I cannot shake off the one single issue that holds my life back..... how I perceive I look. Fortunately other people perceive me differently.

Buffy

[cindianna_jones]

Hey Buffy... I don't like my picture taken either.  In the past 15 years, I think that people have managed to get me in a picture probably only 5 times. And then, I'm playing a smart alec.

When we did our choir pic in high school, they did two shots because the shot would cover two pages.  I ended up on each side

We had a big event at an airport this past summer.  We had a group pic.  Everyone is standing together in 4 rows with the runway streaming out the back.. and I'm way out there on the tarmac sitting in a lawn chair waving my hand.

When I wrote my book, I had to ask friends from my distant past to make copies of photos they had of me.  I needed some momentos to remember some of those times.  I had none.  So, up close, I'm definitely camera shy. 

Cindi

[umop ap!sdn]

I have a vision in mind of what I wish I could look like; about 5'4" give or take, slender, with very dark straight hair. The kind of woman who looks feminine in jeans and a T-shirt. I know I can never completely achieve all of those attributes, which makes me sad, but at least I can change some of the attributes that I've always hated having.

Although I'll admit that if I ever met such a woman I'd fall head over heels for her.

[Kate]

is it perhaps how one would've really appeared had he/she been born "anatomically correct"?

That's how it is for me. I seem to instinctively "recognize" or find myself pulled to women who reflect, to some degree, a female version of myself (tallish, lithe, brown eyes, dark blonde hair, a particular facial structure, etc.). I've always been this way, from a child right through today. It's actually very frustrating, and leaves me feeling incredibly jealous.

[sheila18]

cindianna:
  i llike that:  "A lot of us go through a cross dressing phase. It's hard to let that part go. During that time, many of us do all the things that epitomize womanhood in our society..... we want to look pretty, to dress nice, to feel feminine.  It's hard to feel feminine at that point in jeans and a tee shirt. "
 
   All:
  Am around 50 and have been dressing up since 4 or earlier.  when i got to be around 45 it hit me:  " I have been doing this all my life, I have scuba dived once in a while, played guitar once in a while, blah blah  but the one thing that I have always done once in a while is feel like a girl once in a while ....all my life.
  So sometimes I feel like a a boy and am happy to see a manly man on the mirror staring at me then I feel like girl and am glad to see a girl in the mirror staring at me,  this happens only when the mirror is small, when the mirror is full length   ..ahhh that is another story.
  The mind is an incredible instrument that can be trained to see life in any way you want, if i want ghosts of breast...you got it give me a few days bara bing bara bam ... tiny boyish perky breast or cone like fleshy upright ones or rounded jars of joy ready to be shared ...hips...
No more ghosts for me anymore ...until who knows 
  I don't take my self that seriously anymore, am glad i did it  was part of the process like what cindy said about cross dressing, NOw i feel like a woman even in mans clothing just like my ex wife and ex-es felt like women while wearing my shirts and pants .... no, they were very straight  go figure
sheila18

[LynnER]

Every time I look in the mirror in the light I want to break it..........
Every time I look in the mirror in the darkness, or when walking outside I see my reflection in the window in the moonlight I see the real me............

Im haunted by the phantom of myself... I KNOW what I should look like and Im allmost there,  I think thats why FFS is such a big deal for me.... Its such minor things, haveing my browridge shaved down, my jaw line and chin rounded, and a trach shave.... thats it..... but I beleave it will end that need to destroy my own reflection. I feel urge less and less but its still there and I know I shouldnt feel that way *shrugs*

As far as being too tall... Im happy with my height, and Ive accepted that girls with my height tend to have oversized hands and feet too LoL.<some actualy bigger if you can beleave that LoL> Uma Thurman<sp?> for example

Then again I dont thinik its a TS thing but a human thing..... I know plenty of people who are so unhappy with there appearance that there willing to do anything to change it........... *Two members of my band want gastric buypass<sp?> and a coupple girls I know want the same and more facial surgery than my ffs would include *shrugs again*

[Rana]

is it perhaps how one would've really appeared had he/she been born "anatomically correct"?

That's how it is for me. I seem to instinctively "recognize" or find myself pulled to women who reflect, to some degree, a female version of myself (tallish, lithe, brown eyes, dark blonde hair, a particular facial structure, etc.). I've always been this way, from a child right through today. It's actually very frustrating, and leaves me feeling incredibly jealous.

Hey Kate,
I so relate to your statement - I do that too.  I have "recognised" if thats the right word, a certain type of woman, who on reflection would be similar to what I would have had the potential to look like if I was a woman.  Tall straight black hair, blue eyes pale skin aquiline nose sort of stuck up manner.  Other than being very good looking & a woman, they tend to look just like me.................sigh 

Rana

Rana

[sheila18]

you know!  this post has been haunting me for the last day 

I woke up and i realized that is not an image of me what haunts me, it used to but not any more .  What haunts me now is behaviors.
  I see the picture of a naked kirsten Dunstin and I see the ghost of what i would do if I had breasts like hers ...behaviors haunt me     

tahnks all      , sheila18


Posted at: August 09, 2006, 03:56:41 PMkate:
agree totaly, it took years to figure it out because the looks were so diffrent but then one day I made a mask of myself and reealized that the women htat atracted me had my mask, i mean without the skin & eye & hair coloring and the eyelaashes  but just the basic structure ...i could go on on this
good point kate
sheila18

[Chaunte]

Over the last few weeks, I have been seeing myself more and more in the mirror.  My hair is no longer pulled back in an austier ponytail.  Add a dab of mascarra and I see myself starting to morph out of this male body.  I can't wait to see what HRT will do!

[Luc]

Damn, Sheila, where did you find naked pics of Kirsten Dunst? I want in!

Anywho, I can relate to seeing other people who are a reflection of who I want to be. Being a big movie buff, I find that there are a few movie characters with whom I relate greatly because their personalities are so much like theirs, and thus I want to look like them, or envision myself as them. Because I see my personality as matching a combination of James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause and John Cusack in Say Anything, I imagine myself as a male having the same physical traits: height, great hair (well, I already have that), and the cool image that each had, while still being sensitive. I may not look like James Dean or John Cusack, but that doesn't mean I can't project the same personality as their characters, nor does it mean that I shouldn't strive to look like them physically in whatever way possible, since that's how I see myself.

Rafe

[sheila18]

rafe:
  you are so cool sweetie, john cusack is a favorite of mine is so clean  honest like in that movie gross point blank he made bad guy the good guys he is awesome
kisten : google kirsten+dusting+nude (rule #1)they are really not playboy naked but tasteful pics she is so gorgeous, if i could loook 1/2 as good as her  woh  ...


sheila18

[Hazumu]

Hmn;

I've always wanted to be different idealized women I'd see in pictures and in movies and TeeVee programs, but it hasn't been until recently that I've tried to imagine how I'd like to be, given what I've got to start with.

Having said that, I do have a kind of goal that I can see in my mind, and I'm steadily progressing towards it.

Cindi, you nailed me.  I'm very into skirts and dresses right now.  Give me a blouse with an empire waist angel sleeves, and I'm in Nirvana.  But, you're right, I'll grow out of it after a few years of full-time (and prob'ly go back to polo shirts and chinos.  )

Mirrors?  I check myself out in reflections in glass doors & windows (because of the indistinctness.)  Usually, Karen-me smiles back...  Mirrors, however, are still at this time a little less reliable...

My two yen to this thread;

Karen