Am I THAT Obvious?

[Julie Marie]

I don't know, maybe it's something in the water but lately I've gotten stares that make me just want to stand up and scream!  Twice in the past two weeks I've been out to dinner, once with just my fiance and once with my mom, sisters and fiance.  Both times there was a woman, dressed in sweatshirt, jeans & gym shoes who just couldn't stop staring at me.  And we're talking two different places and two different women.  Each was with her husband.  The last one leaned over to her husband and whispered something in his ear which caused him to turn around and look at me.  And that was the time with my family.

Both times I returned the stares boldly but that didn't stop them.  I even stared at them until they looked my way in hopes they would realize how rude they are being.  But even that didn't matter.  What's with these boneheads?

Then, the other day, we're in a cosmetics store.  I walk up to these young sales girls and ask if they carry a jewelry cleaner.  One then drops her eyes to my crotch!  It was very obvious.  Geez!  Checking out my crotch? 

What's confusing is I normally don't get the funny looks or stares but lately it seems like open season.  I've talked to people who were no more than two feet away and not even a blink, then I get these gawkers.  My inclination is to walk up to them and put them in a headlock and say, "People always love my headlocks!  Wadda you think?".  But really, I'm thinking I should just say, "Do I know you?" except the evil me wants to do it in a deep baritone voice. 

Julie

[Renate]

Probably a bunch of people have ferreted out my genetic background before
but I haven't run into people yet as rude as yours.

Given the situation, I might address them in my best bass voice,
"Just in from out of town folks? I guess you don't get out much.
Maybe you should go back to where you came from."

[NicholeW.]

Perhaps if they are noticing you they are noticing some particular part of your anatomy?

I haven't found it odd or unusual to discuss possible BAS on women who aren't part of the conversation and such things. Or even how old other women might be. There are any number of possibilities that are available that have nothing to do with your history.

Nichole

[katherine]

I haven't gotten to where you are just yet, but certainly do anticipate running into the same problem.  Maybe I'm just a bit cynical or whatever, but I do like the baritone voice idea with a little "See something ya like?"

[Sandy]

Julie, have you thought that maybe you and J were being clocked as lesbians?

I don't have any explanation for the cosmetic store clerks though.  Unless they were les as well and were giving you the once over...

When I would walk around with Pat I would get looks like that too, I told Pat about it and she just said we were just a couple of lesbians and they were reacting to that. (well we were holding hands...)

I know how sensitive we are to getting clocked.  But it may just be peoples gaydar kicking in.

-Sandy

[sarahb]

Well, there has been a lot more trans awareness on TV shows lately, so maybe people are actually able to more easily find subtle clues and whatnot. Who knows. It could be something totally off base and having nothing to do with your being trans as well. I've been trying to tell myself that no matter what the situation is, I don't know what they're thinking so why let it bother me? There are a million different things that could be running through those people's minds, but you'll never know what it is so don't let it get to you.

[JENNIFER]

To the question in your title to this thread Julie Marie, the short answer is ......perhaps!!

Let me elaborate.  I began my own transition 3 years ago last week, legally changed my name and began my female life and turned my back on my old male existence.  At first I lived within my own bubble, I felt invincible and believed that not one human being gave a damn or noticed anythng at all odd about me.

This all came crashing down about me all because of two individuals in my local community that have decided that I am a source of amusement to them and they gain great pleasue in telling any and all others about me.  One is a teenager and the other is a woman of at least 70 years and she is just plain nasty and rather inept in other ways.  Sadly, I wish they also just stared at me because this is a daily occurance with me anyway but no, they prefer to whip up hostility and enjoy causing me distress for entertainment.

Those people that you illustrated are typical of most people in public places because that is why they are there, to be out on the town, to watch others and to have a good time and if they clock people that look 'different', this enhances their evening.

Personally, I would not give any of them the time of day or wish them good health but think of how their car might burst into flames with them inside or they lose their abilities to enjoy sex because they deserve misfortune for being so nasty to people like us, victims of a cruel twist of biology.

Naturally, I wish no harm to them but only wish that they had an understanding of their ineptness and the damage they may cause to the most vulnerable of us.

I recieved hostile calls at a bus stop last weekend from two juvenile boys, known to me because of continued abuse, and I walked over to them and challenged them to speak their minds.   They denied any action that I accused them of and I just told them to grow up and walked away, and when hardly outwith of earshot they continued with abuse.

It happens, we cannot stop it and sadly, we have to endure it because I am told by many that it is a part of transition.  I am reluctant to say it but I often wish I was just simply Gay because it is not so visibly obvious unlike a M to F that is trying to ease herself into a womans way of life and that usually includes a radical change of clothing etc.......
Post Merge: February 12, 2009, 03:23:24 PM

Well, there has been a lot more trans awareness on TV shows lately, so maybe people are actually able to more easily find subtle clues and whatnot. Who knows. It could be something totally off base and having nothing to do with your being trans as well. I've been trying to tell myself that no matter what the situation is, I don't know what they're thinking so why let it bother me? There are a million different things that could be running through those people's minds, but you'll never know what it is so don't let it get to you.

Agreed but with one question.  Can trans awareness ever equal trans acceptance?

[iminadaze]

....Agreed but with one question.  Can trans awareness ever equal trans acceptance?

Oh father time could you please find it in your heart to answer Jennifer's question....?
I too would very much like to know.... 

[tekla]

Yes, it will, but remember, familiarity also breeds contempt. Being accepted does not mean that people like you.

[NicholeW.]

Yes, it will, but remember, familiarity also breeds contempt. Being accepted does not mean that people like you.

Doesn't it just?

[Julie Marie]

You know what?  I shouldn't care but it bugs me that I do.  I mean, this lady on Saturday was butt ugly and in a nice restaurant dressed like she was ready to rake leaves.  "What Not To Wear" would have had a field day with her!  Yet she got to me.  Maybe it was the stares and this woman's mother would have spanked her on the butt several times telling her "It's impolite to stare!"  She was just plain rude!

But maybe it was cleavage.  Maybe it was the fact that ten out of ten men would have said I was better looking (I'm being catty, I know).  And when she and her loser husband left they took a long look as they walked by our table.  But I stared right back!  Geez, if someone looked at me the way I looked at them I would have gotten the message I was being rude.  But then again, this is Republican, ultra conservative territory.  And when my fiance and I expressed our affection in front of them...  hehehe 

Julie

[lacitychick21]

I've been trying to tell myself that no matter what the situation is, I don't know what they're thinking so why let it bother me?

Whole-ie smokes!

That's smart. I like that. Try as I might... it eats at me and I obsessively wonder what they're thinking -- and I'm always thinking the worse.

Stupid low self-esteem... the bane of my existence, I tell you! The BANE!

[Janet_Girl]

The way I fight back is to just think "They have never seen such a gorgeous woman before" and just smile back.  They hate that more than anything.  Act upset and it feds their fun.  And the guys that are doing the staring really hate it if you flirt or wink at them.

Janet

[JonasCarminis]

probably the cleavage.  your boobs are much younger than someone else the same age. *evil grin*

[NicholeW.]

...  And when my fiance and I expressed our affection in front of them...  hehehe 

Julie

Ya really suppose that that could have had anything at all to do with it?

I don't recall you mentioning that in the OP .... 

[Buffy]

Thank god the spirit of Kate lives on. Someone had to take over her mantle of life long paranoia and worry (no matter how good they look and how well they blend in)

We all look at everyone we meet, its natural human reaction,some people more than others.

Maybe, maybe not, perhaps, absolutely... what does it matter Julie, if you want to move on, ignore them or just smile and dismiss it.

Buffy

[SarahFaceDoom]

I like to people watch.  But I would never stare at someone who caught me doing it.  I think the fact of the matter is, you won't know what they were stairing at you about, so don't worry about it.  You have a fiance who loves you, what else do you need, y'know?  Live it up.

[Cindy]

Well!
I'm going on my first restaurant visit soon with my siste in law, be interested to see what happens.
Don't fret the idiots, they are beyond redemption.

Cindy James

[cindybc]

Sarah Face Doom

I like to people watch.  But I would never stare at someone who caught me doing it.  I think the fact of the matter is, you won't know what they were staring at you about, so don't worry about it.

I quite agree with that one too. I use to be a people watcher too, even way back before I started transitioning and I have caught other people staring at me as well. But as soon as they saw me looking at them they looked away.

But after living as the woman I present for the past nine years you realy get to the pint where you don't realy give a crap anymore whose staring. Until the time they come up to me and objectively say something, my favorite saying is, I'll worry about it when the time comes.

Teenagers? Goodness gracious yeah you do run into some real rotters. They don't only do ignorant ->-bleeped-<- to TS folks they do it to anyone that appears to be a little different from the norm.

Cindy

[Julie Marie]

Ya really suppose that that could have had anything at all to do with it?

I don't recall you mentioning that in the OP ....

It didn't happen until just before the boneheads left and it was intended to be an in your face response to their rudeness.

Julie