Coming Out When You Are Stealth

[Genevieve Swann]

Maybe a person should just remain in the stealth mode. If the subject comes up and being truthfull feels better then come out.

[debisl]

Why do you have to put the lable on living a normal life as "being stealth"? I just don't understand. In my everyday life I do not even give it a second thought about being a "Transsexual" I just consider myself as a woman and go about things. Why would you have a need to disclose your personal life to just anyone.

I can only answer for myself, and make observations for myself. I am and always have been a girl. If I thought for one minuit that I was not, I might want to go into a "stealth mode". If you are not sure of yourself you will always be looking over your shoulder. Look straight ahead, never look back, and do what you were destine to do.

I feel one owes it to themselves to live a worry-free life if at all possible. To me this means don't complicate it with personal information about ourselves that is no business of others. 

You have to ask yourself if you want to be a woman or a man. I thought that was the goal!!I did not think anyone wanted to be in another catagory..If I am wrong I am sorry. Everyone has the right to be what they want.

For me I am what I am, and I can tell you I am a woman in every way possible except for being able to bear children. There are plenty of women who have the same problem. I can live with that defect.

Deb

[Ms Bev]

I don't mean to say that I am "stealth", but a woman.  Yes, I have a history that is different from most other women, but I've really been a woman all my life.
If someone flat-out asks me, I would have to say, "why do you ask?", and if pressed, I would answer.  I would tell them that I am a woman, I am a father and a grandmother, that I am a lesbian, that I enjoy all the things in life other people enjoy, but my friends don't ask me if I'm "trans".


Bev

[Hypatia]

You have to ask yourself if you want to be a woman or a man. I thought that was the goal!!I did not think anyone wanted to be in another catagory..

I feel very much the same way about myself. I'm just a woman, no more, no less. But in fact there are many individuals whose primary identity is transgender. Or if it's man/woman, it's phrased as "transgender man" / "transgender woman." Which to me seems to place one in a subcategory separate from others of one's gender. It draws a line of differentiation between one and the gender as a whole. Personally, I find that unacceptable.

So I am just a woman, and I leave the "transgender" part out of it entirely. Transsexual is my medical history, not my identity. I don't identify with having had my gall bladder removed either. And it's actually no one else's business that I did (unless a gastroenterologist is treating me and has a need-to-know).

If I am wrong I am sorry. Everyone has the right to be what they want.

They do, so I don't judge anyone for being who they need to be. It's very important that we understand one another's different views of self and accept everyone for who they know themselves to be. So I resent it any time someone tells me I can never "really" be a woman. The hell I'm not.

[Hypatia]

so now the word "stealth" is an inappropriate term?

The question is whether stealth is even possible in today's world any more, in a practical sense. Stealth was a concept left over from the 1960s, when a person really could make a clean break with the past -- a time before every minute detail about a person's life was stored on a database with an electronic trail that's accessible to anyone who has enough money to pry into your past. I'm afraid stealth has become as obsolete as computer punch cards.

[sneakersjay]

Why do you have to put the lable on living a normal life as "being stealth"? I just don't understand. In my everyday life I do not even give it a second thought about being a "Transsexual" I just consider myself as a woman and go about things. Why would you have a need to disclose your personal life to just anyone.

I can only answer for myself, and make observations for myself. I am and always have been a girl. If I thought for one minuit that I was not, I might want to go into a "stealth mode". If you are not sure of yourself you will always be looking over your shoulder. Look straight ahead, never look back, and do what you were destine to do.

I feel one owes it to themselves to live a worry-free life if at all possible. To me this means don't complicate it with personal information about ourselves that is no business of others. 

You have to ask yourself if you want to be a woman or a man. I thought that was the goal!!I did not think anyone wanted to be in another catagory..If I am wrong I am sorry. Everyone has the right to be what they want.

For me I am what I am, and I can tell you I am a woman in every way possible except for being able to bear children. There are plenty of women who have the same problem. I can live with that defect.

Deb

This works for me.  The only reason I will feel the need to disclose is to a potential significant other, where it matters in the bedroom, and when I go get passports and have to prove I'm my children's mother.  That's it.

Trans isn't my identity; I'm a straight male and live as such.

Jay

[Ashley315]

I've always viewed the "trans" part of me as just that, a minor part of me.  It is only one minor detail about the woman I am.  It does not define who I am much like my heritage doesn't define who I am.  I don't own a casino because I happen to be of Native American decent so why should I view the trans part of me any differently?  It isn't something I'm ashamed of nor should it be.  I think to many people tend to take this "trans" word and run with it.  They think that it labels them to be a certain way or do a certain thing rather than just viewing it as a minor thing that makes up the grand total of the woman or man that you truly are.

I don't understand why people make such a huge deal over something so trivial and gender anyway.

[tinkerbell]

I'm with Deb and Beverly.  "Stealth" and "passing" are badly defined terms.  To me passing is when you are trying to impersonate (pass as) something you are not and stealth implies that you are hiding something about yourself.  If you are a woman (or a man) as you say you are, what are you hiding then? Unless you believe you are something else other than woman or man, then I could see why you call yourself "stealth".  There's no such a thing as "stealth" after transition/SRS but there's such a thing as a woman's life (or a man's) & getting your butt out there in the REAL world (24/7, 365 days a year/every second/minute/hour). 


tink

[Ms Bev]

...... There's no such a thing as "stealth" after transition/SRS but there's such a thing as a woman's life (or a man's) & getting your butt out there in the REAL world (24/7, 365 days a year/every second/minute/hour). 


tink

Beverly

[Ashley315]

I'm with Deb and Beverly.  "Stealth" and "passing" are badly defined terms.  To me passing is when you are trying to impersonate (pass as) something you are not and stealth implies that you are hiding something about yourself.  If you are a woman (or a man) as you say you are, what are you hiding then? Unless you believe you are something else other than woman or man, then I could see why you call yourself "stealth".  There's no such a thing as "stealth" after transition/SRS but there's such a thing as a woman's life (or a man's) & getting your butt out there in the REAL world (24/7, 365 days a year/every second/minute/hour). 


tink

I approve of this message.   

Very good point Tink.

[cindybc]

Tink, if we should ever cross paths, I owe you a big hug. Wing Walker too

Cindy

[tekla]

I feel one owes it to themselves to live a worry-free life if at all possible. To me this means don't complicate it with personal information about ourselves that is no business of others.


I'm gonna have to disagree on this, the SIMPLE life, the worry free life, has but one rule, if someone asks a direct question you give them the honest answer as you know it.  The rest is just commentary to get other people off of having lied.

[Dorothy]

I'm just a woman, no more, no less. But in fact there are many individuals whose primary identity is transgender. Or if it's man/woman, it's phrased as "transgender man" / "transgender woman." Which to me seems to place one in a subcategory separate from others of one's gender.

Yup you're right. You know the secret. There are also many individuals that aren't even women but think they've got insight into women's lives. This is the same thing as claiming that wearing the costume of a squirrel once in a whilst gives some kind of real knowledge into what being a squirrel is like. They dont have to be afraid of the coyotes, the snakes, don't even have to build dreys or live in a den, nope the costume's more then enough to give them instant wisdom.

[Ashley315]

Yup you're right. You know the secret. There are also many individuals that aren't even women but think they've got insight into women's lives. This is the same thing as claiming that wearing the costume of a squirrel once in a whilst gives some kind of real knowledge into what being a squirrel is like. They dont have to be afraid of the coyotes, the snakes, don't even have to build dreys or live in a den, nope the costume's more then enough to give them instant wisdom.

Leave me alone about my squirrel costume already!!!!!  Jesus.. so what if I like to run around in trees jumping from limb to limb and collecting acorns once every few weeks...  I never claimed to be a real squirrel!!!!  I just like to pretend every once in awhile!!! Is that so wrong?  It lets me get out a lot of stress that builds up over time.  I'm not hurting anyone except for maybe the poor trees that have to support the weight of my fat butt, but they don't ever complain.  God I love trees.  They are so noble and strong and never judgmental or self righteous.  You never see the cedar tree bashing or name calling the pecan tree for having nuts.  You never see the oak tree making fun or trying to separate itself from the willow tree because the willow tree has an extra lower limb.  They all seem to accept each other and grow together as nothing more than trees regardless of their differences.

Remember kids.. only you can prevent forest fires.

[SarahFaceDoom]

Yup you're right. You know the secret. There are also many individuals that aren't even women but think they've got insight into women's lives. This is the same thing as claiming that wearing the costume of a squirrel once in a whilst gives some kind of real knowledge into what being a squirrel is like. They dont have to be afraid of the coyotes, the snakes, don't even have to build dreys or live in a den, nope the costume's more then enough to give them instant wisdom.

Of course then there's the people who have been running around in a squirrel costume, and decide to get their teeth surgically made into squirrel teeth, just so they can turn around and tell all the other people in squirrel costumes that they are not squirrels, and only their opinion matters, because of the teeth.  Interestingly, they all taste the same to coyotes.

[Ashley315]

Ok, that's it.. I'm switching to a badger costume......

[NicholeW.]

Squirrels should wear wolf costumes and spray themselves and their ranges liberally with wolf scent if they are to escape the coyotes. Coyotes make themselves scarce when wolves are numerous.

Nichole

BTW, before anyone at all decides to get offended that's the naturalistic literal truth. It wasn't an allegory about something else.

N~

[SarahFaceDoom]

BTW, before anyone at all decides to get offended that's the naturalistic literal truth. It wasn't an allegory about something else.

N~

Just to clarify people.  Do NOT have your dog pee on you.  It won't help you live more stealthily.  Let there be no confusion!

[Ashley315]

Just to clarify people.  Do NOT have your dog pee on you.  It won't help you live more stealthily.  Let there be no confusion!

Yeah but it can't hurt so..... 

[cindybc]

Living stealth, I just live. I don't think of myself as better then anyone else, just different conceptions and perceptions of how I see others around me. No different then the other person looking at me because of some unusual or unique features and characteristics about me.

So we all have our own unique features and characteristics, so what? The only thing I found that needed some tuning up was some of my perceptions and definitely some of my attitude. Not that I was ever an aggressive or vociforous person, but some of my attitude and how I perceived things need a refinement in order to be harmonised with how I felt inside.

There are even many GG's that are androgynous in appearance. Some with lousy attitudes that I certainly knew was not for me to emulate. I had an image of who I was inside, and it was this image that formed the basis for my present self.

I have many friends and make friends easily, much more easily then I did before. I have been working with people, men and women for the past twenty two years and 9 of those years as who I am now. No one has ever questioned my authenticity. I don't wear squirrels, wolves, coyotes, sheep's, mountain goats, or jack asses clothes.

I just wear my usual little house mouse clothes that I have always worn.

Cindy