How to do female put downs?

[Cindy]

Hi
Thanks for the advice to help a friend in need.
As to whether this post is appropriate or not, well!
I thought this site and section was for TGs to learn, support and help each other. Many MTF's have had to live in male orientated life styles. As we transition we have to learn the ways that women communicate.

I strongly suspect that out some of our FTM brothers have the same issues.

I would be happy to reply to someone in that situation and try to help.

If you don't like a post either ignore it or report it.

If you don't like me, I'll get over it.

Love and kisses to all.
Post Merge: March 11, 2009, 03:18:31 AM
Sorry.
Meant to add this.
Follow the words that are almost in the center of the Torah: to
love your neighbor as you love yourself.  It is a hallmark of the Western
religions and many of the others.  The rest is just commentary.

I'm none religous, but I live by a code.

Cindy James

[RebeccaFog]

Rebis, it's the blatant and repeated sexism.  Why on earth is a MTF perpetuating such language?  And why on earth isn't it covered in TOS?

I just saw it as a way for the poster to enquire about how to handle trouble they are having with a woman.  The reason for this might be (I'm guessing) that people who grew up in male bodies already have an understanding of most male behaviors.  Where they lack experience is taking on another woman as a woman and not a male.

If you'd like to, we can discuss how FtMs, who have no experience around males, can effectively handle rude males.

In fact, I believe there was a thread a few years back where the man was asking exactly that; how to react to the casual put downs that men so easily toss back and forth.

[V M]

I talked to my therapist (he's not a sex therapist, more of a shrink) about the situation yesterday. He said that he has heard several complaints from many people at my apt. complex about her behavior. He said that "she could get in allot of trouble". Particularly for her behavior towards me. It is not my intention to make trouble. I just don't want to be bullied or picked on.
I am never confrontational with her. I even play along and am always nice. But she still rides me and makes insulting rude comments. I was raised mainly by women and know a slight when I hear one.
Anyway, I finally got some sleep and feel better. Still a little nervous for the inspection tomorrow. I'll have to see how it goes

[Mister]

I just saw it as a way for the poster to enquire about how to handle trouble they are having with a woman.  The reason for this might be (I'm guessing) that people who grew up in male bodies already have an understanding of most male behaviors.  Where they lack experience is taking on another woman as a woman and not a male.

If you'd like to, we can discuss how FtMs, who have no experience around males, can effectively handle rude males.

In fact, I believe there was a thread a few years back where the man was asking exactly that; how to react to the casual put downs that men so easily toss back and forth.

Slice it any way you'd like, but bitch is sexism. 

As for the thread "a few years back," I haven't been around that long, but if that guy was using sexism in his post, i'd find that just as inappropriate.

[Kristen]

You are exactly right Mister. Sexism sucks.

But, it is a fixture in the reality that we all live in today and you cannot pick on the original poster for , as you see it, perpetuating the problem.

Until the entire world holds a summit meeting and decides it will eradicate the ideas of sexism (not gonna happen), then you will be justified in bullying others for fighting fire with fire.

Consider the whole world as a prison where if you don't play the game and show your strength immediately upon attack, you will forever be seen as weak and will be an easy target for those wishing to prove themselves. Being trans pretty much gives people the permission to use us as doormats and if we don't learn to stand up for ourselves and push back, we will end up as the prison bitch.

To the original poster: Two words, passive aggression.

[NicholeW.]

Slice it any way you'd like, but bitch is sexism. 

As for the thread "a few years back," I haven't been around that long, but if that guy was using sexism in his post, i'd find that just as inappropriate.

Slice it any way you wish; but that word is sexism to you and to myself, Mister. Period. There may be others who totally agree with us, but there are many who won't.

But my experience with MTFs, and much of it has been rocky due to not just that word but to many other terms and attitudes that I find sexist and demeaning, but they find "empowering and complimentary." The heads knock and we all walk away thinking that we have "won."

I agree with you completely about not only the word itself, but also the general attitude that there are huge differences as to "how women can fight and how men fight."

There are various tactics that men are likely to use in their fights and there are various tactics that women may be more inclined to use. The foundation for those does tend to be patriarchal and sexist.

But, why I cannot imagine, a lot of MTFs feel a certain validation in being called "bitch" and have no problem using the word. They also find a certain validation in being told "you act like a woman."

How one acts like a woman -- well, I suppose we all find different ways to act like a woman as you may well find a different way to act like a man.

But, when it all comes down to it, you and I cannot make people see that that word is dismissive and demeaning. If someone finds that it validates her as a woman, then how can I change that?

Shrug and let it go. You'll not change anyone's mind who doesn't have a changed mind already. People either learn or they don't. Not every battle is worth the fight. Try to see that. Makes for a more peaceful life. Besides, if they don't agree with you the constant calling them on it will only solidify the resistance to what you say.

Nichole

[V M]

Many women call each other Bitch also. I know, I was raised by women. Although this thread does deal with sexism that has been leveed against me by someone who is obviously a bigoted sexist, I don't understand why you are so bent on jumping this thread with your own argument regarding a particular term that strikes you wrong and you have probably used yourself. If you would like to discuss the sexist ramifications of the term Bitch, maybe you should start your own thread where you can Bitch about the term Bitch to your hearts content. Have a nice Day 

[V M]

OK, so I'm getting gender bashed and all you can think of is a term you don't like. Thanks for your support. Oh, and have a nice day 

[Mister]

Hey, I just didn't know that sexism was acceptable language.   you'd think a woman would be upset at the comparison of her gender to a freaking animal....  but I suppose that's only something you take on when you're not raised with male privilege.  My bad.

[V M]

I see that you consider yourself a male. I guess you must have enjoyed all the so called privileges that a male enjoys. Such as a hard @$$ world that is constantly on your @$$ for anything and everything. Having to constantly defend yourself all the time. The cold "I don't give a $#!t" attitude. Oh yeah, thems males feel soooooooo privileged and need more abuse. Dang, can't get enough of it 

[Mister]

I see that you consider yourself a male. I guess you must have enjoyed all the so called privileges that a male enjoys. Such as a hard @$$ world that is constantly on your @$$ for anything and everything. Having to constantly defend yourself all the time. The cold "I don't give a $#!t" attitude. Oh yeah, thems males feel soooooooo privileged and need more abuse. Dang, can't get enough of it 

Wow.  Just wow.

[Jessica M]

Dear, Virginia and Mister,

Please stop this argument over a single term, the word may have sexist connotations to some and not others but at the end of the day it's an insult used against another person when in an argument or when insulted or offended by that person. It shouldn't be used because it is offencive in general.
Besides your both coming across as defensive and petty and I'd like to think your better than that.

Claire xoxo

[V M]

I didn't start it and did not want to be drawn into it. But I'll def. end it 

[NicholeW.]

*sigh* If you don't like what someone says, say so and then leave it alone. Please? Both of you.


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