Late life transitioning

[Cindy]

Hi
In my case I knew I was F at a very early age. I came out to my family at about 13. They new nothing. I went through Uni and escaped to Oz. I was going to have SRS and met a women who loved me anyway. We lived as sisters for 20 yrs, she had an accident and is now totally disabled and cannot live with me. My need to be my true sex is now massive. Is this trauma or situation? Also the older bio males get the less T they make. MtF TGs may lose the desire to chnage during youth because of the massive amounts off T they make. As soon as it all cools down the self returns.

At the moment life sucks
Should not have joined this thread
Sorry
Depressed Cindy James

[cindybc]

Hi I refer to myself as the 63 year resident old bat. 

Hi Wendy, old ladies have dreams and aspirations of the future as well as fond memories of times past. So you keep moving forward, no mater how hard you have to fight against the storms of life, for these to shall pass, giving way to the sunshine.

So I set myself down here behind this here contraption they call a computer, or outside under a tree, or in Wing Walker and I's new Dodge Nitro. Doesn't realy matter where, one can dream anywhere they wish.

I just simply set and I dream of better times ahead and ask myself, how best can I make this world better today?  Dream, and beleive, then just go about doing the best you can to manifest that dream. The beauty is not all in the physical appearance, it radiates outwards from the soul my dearest friend.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As too age timelines when the average TS/TG will begin their journey into transitioning I don't beleive there is any particular time line. everyone has, for simplicities sake I will refer to it as the TS/TG biological clock, and everyone has their own unique time when the bell on that clock goes off. For some, theirs goes off early in life while others goes off much later in life.

We must remember that there is a greater amount of support today than there was back, let's say, even just twenty years ago. Much owing to a much increased and diversified presence of media today then there was twenty years ago for one.

People as a result seek help much sooner now than my generation did. Back then no matter how loud the bell was ringing, where would have I gone to to seek help? Even if I had known about TS/TG, GID back in the sixties and seventies, where would I go? Even if I tried telling someone, and it turned out they outed me, well, there may have been a backwoods swamp with my name on it for me.

You may as well have been living back in the dark ages back then. Although society still has its prejudices and taboos it has still come a long ways, owing to the literature available on the subject now a days

Cindy

[K8]

Though GID is very real, I suspect that for many people it becomes its own escape.  Its easy to lump everything into one basket, but dealing with the GID may well not solve all the problems you had going in.  Hence a higher than average suicide rate for people post-transition.  Transition solved a problem, it did not solve all the problems.

I looked into transition and SRS 25 years ago(!) but decided then that I had too many things to deal with that had nothing to do with GID and so would have solved one problem, created some new ones, but most would still be with me.  It's taken me this long to finally get to a place where I can seriously consider it again.

Life is a journey.  Enjoy the ride.

-Kate

[cindybc]

Hi Kate, that is what many of us did.
There is no warranty expiry date on when to start transitioning. It is wise to at least have some working knowledge as to what you are going to be encountering before beginning the journey.

You will be that much the stronger if you are at least armed and prepared with this working knowledge to confront some the possible rigors of transitioning. Even prepared you will still run into some facets while transitioning you could not have foreseen.

Me, I was already at the bottom of the pit before I arrived at the doors of transitioning, I had nothing left in this world to loos. As it was, I gained not just regained self worth and a place in society, I have also regained in spirit that which life itself could not have given me. I Love who I am, I have regained my pride, self esteem, and I have my own identity and peace of mind.

I quite agree with Tekla's post.

Though GID is very real, I suspect that for many people it becomes its own escape.  Its easy to lump everything into one basket, but dealing with the GID may well not solve all the problems you had going in.  Hence a higher than average suicide rate for people post-transition.  Transition solved a problem, it did not solve all the problems.

[cindybc]

Congratulations Dudes and dudets in the stepping over the threshold of the transitioning journey. Some day you may grow up to be an old hippie like me. "hee, hee, hee." Peace man!



Cindy

[K8]

Congratulations Dudes and dudets in the stepping over the threshold of the transitioning journey. Some day you may grow up to be an old hippie like me. "hee, hee, hee." Peace man!
Cindy

I'm already an old hippie.  I just want the hips to go with it.
- Kate

[sarahF]

WOW This reply is great! Today I'm out, finally. It feels good. Hiding is very stressful as all you girls know. I'm on HRT and going for that brass ring
Sarah

[cindybc]

Eh! Don't sweat it hun, the hormones did a lot of stuff to me physically I had never dreamed it would. Not to mention some of the attic space as well.

Ye old Hippie



Cindy

[sneakersjay]

Congratulations Dudes and dudets in the stepping over the threshold of the transitioning journey. Some day you may grow up to be an old hippie like me. "hee, hee, hee." Peace man!

Dang, I knew I should have let my hair grow and get granny glasses!!!


Jay

[jacquie]

Thanks Kate that is exactly me like you .my doctor knows but will not give me hormones but is referring me to another doctor who is familiar with this issue .Some how it seems to take so much time now that I am 60 .My wife knows and says she will stand by me ,I hope this will remain true jacquie

[jesse]

i agree with chrissty 100 percent on this for me it was the death of my mother that set it in its final destination. she was the first to know about it when i was 13. I feel she did her best to protect me from my father but she had my siblings to worry about too. In the end i was homeless and left for dead in a field. i survived and it hardened my resolve to to supress this GID thing just to survive. It flared up at weird times but was reasonably controlable as i took on hyper masculine jobs. i remember when my brother called me out of the blue to tell me she had passed away. i felt numb and lost. After a few days of this the gid came back vicious i havnt been able to control it since Hrt has given me the needed peace but it is also acknowledement that i really have only one choice and that is to transition.
jessica

[justmeinoz]

At 56, I have been trying to resolve a probable case of GID for close to a year now, and today I believe I passed a threshold of some sort.  Perhaps it could be called an epiphany.

While sitting at the computer at work concentrating on data entry I suddenly was overwhelmed by a feeling of great peace and the thought  , "I AM right, I have always been a  woman".  It was very similar to a deep meditative state, but not quite the same. ( I do this regularly as an anti-depression tool, so know what that feels like.)

This came out of the blue, when I was concentrating on my job, and I had been too busy to give the matter any thought at all for most of the day.  Has anyone here experienced anything like this sort of awakening?

[cynthialee]

@ justmeinoz
Yes.

[K8]

This came out of the blue, when I was concentrating on my job, and I had been too busy to give the matter any thought at all for most of the day.  Has anyone here experienced anything like this sort of awakening?

Yes.  I believe that my subconscious mind will sometimes work through problems that my conscious mind can't handle.  (Actually, there have been studies of this.  The subconscious mind uses a different process than the conscious mind - making connections the conscious can't handle because of its relative rigidity.)  Anyway, when I was developing software I would sometimes have these bursts of realization that had nothing to do with software.

- Kate
Post Merge: March 30, 2010, 08:40:09 AM
Welcome to Susan's Jacquie. 

There's a lot of good information and good people here.  Each of our stories is unique but we have a lot in common.  Settle in, pull up a keyboard, and explore.

Be sure to look under the Announcements heading.  There you will find the rules we live by in this little world of ours:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  

Look through the other stuff there, too.

My doctor gave me hormones but I had to wait a week while he researched it.  Your doctor just may not feel comfortable with his/her experience and knowledge of this.  That can be a good thing.

I hope it works out with your wife.  My ex-wife – my daughter's biological mother – has been very supportive of me but doesn't have to live with me.  I think that if you and your wife can talk with each other openly and honestly as you go through this it will help.  Sometimes I think this can be harder on those close to us because they have all the work of adjusting without satisfying the needs that we feel.

In the beginning I felt an urgency because of my age.  Now, a year later, I don't feel that – probably because everything is on track.  Thoughtful haste will get you there, but you have to go at your own pace.  Don't rush into things until you are ready for them.

Happy exploring.

- Kate

[Radar]

However it has been a lonely journey. I share nothing. I did well in school and had reasonably good jobs. But the stuff has always bothered me. I have tried to cope with it for decades.

I am ashamed to say that I get jealous of many young MTF's FTMs...

I can relate to all of this even though I'm not in my 40s-60s I believe I too am transitioning later in life than most guys. It would've been great to start transitioning in my teens or 20's but there just wasn't the resources or knowledge then. Then in my early 30's I started learning about some options but was too scared to start. Now I just can't take anymore and have started transitioning.

[Iolanthe]

Knew the truth when I was four, lived in denial for almost fifty years, finally said "enough". Now, having just turned sixty, I can say without reservation, better late than never! 

~L~

[cindybc]

Hi Iolanth, You look absolutely beautiful.

Spiritually and mentally I always knew who resided within, from a very young age. But the fear from the result of even attempting to live as my true self throughout all those years prevented me from doing so. It was mostly the mind set, attitude and ignorance of society that held me back from being the true self. I, psychologically, probably started transitioning all along since my teens and when I was 41 I realized I was living a lie. But I didn't really start the physical journey until I was 53.

Subconcsiously, to a greater degree, I was already who I was inside. So it was just a mater of allowing the physical to adapt to the mental and spiritual part of who I was within, then allow those different facets of me to meld as one. You don't change who you are you just adapt.

Shedding all those years of being conditioned to being what I was "not" supposed to be was the hardest part of the journey. I am now 64 years old and have been living as my self for ten years, 4 years post op.

Cynthia

[jacquie]

I too feel relief from telling my doctor and spouse it seems so simple now coming out as oppose to when I  was younger but now I need to start my treatment I need to find a doctor who will help I am looking in Toronto so time will tell

[Vanessa_yhvh]

I'm 39.

I think it was back in January when I told somebody that I was too old to transition. Been on HRT for a little over 2 weeks now. 

When I was younger, there were times when I was too busy to be consumed by my dysphoria. As life settled more, I began to note that as I found more empty time on my hands (say, during a long commute) and the distractions were out of reach, there I was waiting for me.

Now I have a mortgage to pay, a mom with Alzheimer's to keep an eye on, and picked now to go ahead & move forward.

I worry about the HRT increasing my likelihood of some medical problems that run in the family. I worry about losing the job that pays for the house. I don't worry the worries of the young.

I worried about losing the people in my life. But after I'd set an appointment up with a therapist for pre-HRT consultation, I started telling the friends & family I'd decided were worth talking to about it.

But I'm glad I face transition having spent many years addressing the traumas that held me back to begin with instead of transitioning with the burdens I carried through my youth. I'm glad I have insurance and own my home. I'm glad I get to transition with decades of experience and memory, which inform and shape my process going forward.

Transitioning older isn't all bad, now, is it? 

[Al James]

I'm 38 and wish i had done this when i was in my twenties despite the lack of information about. Yes i'm jealous of the younger ones who are going to get to live their lives the way they need to but i also know that there have been some events in my life that wouldn't have happened if i'd transitioned earlier. I could drive myself mad (and sometimes do) saying if only i'd started this years ago but i try not to think it too often otherwise i just end up on a down ward spiral but i'm here now- its my life and i'm fianally living it for me