New Corrupt-A-Wish

[Mr. Fox]

Granted.  But you have to eat it.

I wish I could read minds.

[Constance]

I wish I could read minds.

Granted, but the minds you read are sooooo boring you fall asleep.

I wish I had some sushi.

[Alyx.]

Granted, but the minds you read are sooooo boring you fall asleep.

I wish I had some sushi.

It makes you sick.

I wish I had five penises.

[Unconditional Acceptance]

Granted, they're each an inch long and the pubic hair is dyed different shades of pink.

I wish life were easier.

[Osiris]

Granted, life is much easier, unfortunately you die and can't enjoy it.

I wish I wasn't sick this evening.

[Unconditional Acceptance]

Granted, you aren't sick. BUT you are then surrounded by hideously ill people for the rest of the evening.

I wish that I could get 10 hours of sleep a night.

[V M]

Granted...But your obnoxious neighbors wake you up every other hour and you end up sleeping much longer than you wish and still feel tired.

I wish I liked being alive

[Dante]

Granted, you absolutely love being alive. So you dedicate your entire life to finding/creating a fountain of youth, but never do. You die old and alone, wishing you had spent the life you love doing things you love instead of trying to make it longer.

I wish I had a Locus Plethore:
http://billpendry.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/locus17.jpg

[Christo]

I wish I had a Locus Plethore:
http://billpendry.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/locus17.jpg

granted I'll frame the pic & send it 2 u by mail.  I wish everyday was summer.

[Unconditional Acceptance]

Granted. Global heat stroke ensues.

I wish I had more pudding. 

[FairyGirl]

granted- the pudding factory down the streets explodes and your entire house is buried in 6 feet of it. Oh, and it's that flavor you hate, too.

I wish I had better wings, these are too small and I fall down a lot.

[Michelle.]

granted your wings grow so large that you can no longer fly...

i wish i had the guts to present the real me to the world...

[Dante]

Granted, you present your real self to the world, and everyone accepts you and loves you. You die 7 minutes later.
OR: Granted, you have the guts to, but as soon as you do you'll disappear in a flash of light.
YOU CHOOSE

I wish I could learn any language I want.

[Michelle.]

First off... brilliant "grants," I like the first option... I'll get seven minutes of earthly utpopia b4 I head for heaven.

Now for yours Roxas... granted but its Klingon and it turns out their real... your the new Ambassador to Qu'Nos.

I wish a big burly man could come pressure wash the porch for me.

[V M]

Granted... But the big burly man wants to pressure wash you with his other hose as well 

I wish I could get motivated and stop feeling depressed

[Unconditional Acceptance]

Granted, you're now uber-motivated and try to be perfect at so many things at once that you eventually collapse in a stress-ridden mass.

I wish I wasn't living through my corruption of the above wish.

[Michelle.]

Granted... you may return to both a saner and happier existence...

I wish this swine flu would go back to where it came from.

[Christo]

granted it goes back 2 where it came from after u catch it.    I wish everyday was summer.

[Mr. Fox]

Every day is summer in Hell.  Pack your bags and be on your way!

I wish I could change my body between male and female at will (can be used to body dysphoria, and makes a great party trick!)

[Dante]

Granted, you have been able to change between them since birth. But it switches at random moments, so you never know when you'll be a boy or a girl.

I wish I had a million dollars to do what I pleased with!