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Sweet Jesus, somebody say something funny!!!

Started by Jaimey, April 10, 2009, 01:06:22 AM

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V M

#20
April 10, 2009, 11:49:12 PM
The Polar Bears may be offended, But I'm sure they'll get over it  :laugh:
The main things to remember in life are Love, Kindness, Understanding and Respect - Always make forward progress

Superficial fanny kissing friends are a dime a dozen, a TRUE FRIEND however is PRICELESS


- V M
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RebeccaFog

#21
April 11, 2009, 12:13:55 AM
Quote from: tekla on April 10, 2009, 11:23:47 PM
This is funny, well, it didn't seem so at the time but....

My younger kid, largely due to the efforts of his older brother was a most excellent reader.  Somewhere around fifth grade he found my wife's treasured book of dirty limericks, and not only read it, but memorized huge sections of it.  My phone rang off the hook for a week.

You should go to the readers digest site rd.com and submit that one.  If they print it, they give you $300.00.  They probably wouldn't even reword much (maybe they'd change 'kid' to 'child' or something).

Then you can send me $300.00 for the idea.

Post Merge: April 11, 2009, 12:16:38 AM

Quote from: FairyGirl on April 10, 2009, 11:38:36 PM
How to catch a polar bear:

First, you get a hand saw and a can of peas. Then, you walk out onto the ice and saw a big hole in it. Next, you set the can of peas beside the hole and wait. Finally, when the polar bear comes out to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

(hope that doesn't offend anyone  :embarrassed: )

You did alright.  We'd have to turn you in, though, if you used the word 'carrot' instead of 'pea'.  Cause we don't like carrots and I, personally, am offended by their presence.
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Jaimey

#22
April 11, 2009, 01:06:06 AM
heh.  This thread is turning out well. 

Quote from: Rebis on April 11, 2009, 12:13:55 AM
we don't like carrots and I, personally, am offended by their presence.

Heh.  Speak for yourself.  There's nothing better than a big orange carrot.  >:-) 
If curiosity really killed the cat, I'd already be dead. :laugh:

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." GWC
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V M

#23
April 11, 2009, 01:31:06 AM
Three Bunnies...
The first Bunny hops into the garden noticing the farmer is not about.
Nibbles on a carrot and says "This carrot tastes pithy."
The second bunny does the same "This carrot tastes pithy"
The third bunny hops over and says..."Don't eat the carrots...I pithed on them."  :laugh: >:-) :laugh:
The main things to remember in life are Love, Kindness, Understanding and Respect - Always make forward progress

Superficial fanny kissing friends are a dime a dozen, a TRUE FRIEND however is PRICELESS


- V M
  •  

ZaidaZadkiel

#24
April 11, 2009, 01:44:01 AM
Once upon a time, Buddah was taking hostages in a building.
Later the SWAT team arrived and asked to Buddha, "What do you want to let the hostages go?", to which Buddah answered, "I desire nothing!". Nobody was enlightened.

...

So there was the apostle Paul doing his thing with some fishes, and then there was an Unicorn passing by. Paul says to the unicorn, "Have you heard the good news?" and the unicorn said "I cannot speak."

...

So there was a dog who was known for a strong jaw and had a problem of hearing. When the dog became old, had a bark-mitzva.

...

A Muslim was working his field, then one day Allah appeared in front of him, and said "I am Allah, I have come to tell you my message", the Muslim died of a heart stroke at that moment.
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Jaimey

#25
April 11, 2009, 02:24:16 AM
bark-mitzvah... :laugh:
If curiosity really killed the cat, I'd already be dead. :laugh:

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." GWC
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KYLYKaHYT

#26
April 11, 2009, 09:08:19 AM
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.

Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading those two books?"

"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
ƃuoɹʍ llɐ ʇno əɯɐɔ ʇɐɥʇ
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RebeccaFog

#27
April 11, 2009, 11:15:40 AM
Quote from: Jaimey on April 11, 2009, 01:06:06 AM
heh.  This thread is turning out well. 

Heh.  Speak for yourself.  There's nothing better than a big orange carrot.  >:-)

Carrot lover! 
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KYLYKaHYT

#29
April 11, 2009, 11:47:33 AM
Carrot lovers  ::)






ƃuoɹʍ llɐ ʇno əɯɐɔ ʇɐɥʇ
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Ellieka

#30
April 11, 2009, 12:18:21 PM
A bear and a bunny are walking through the forest and the bear ask "Hey bunny, do you ever have a problem of poop sticking to your fur?" the bunny says "no" so the bear picks up the bunny and wipes his butt with him!
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Jaimey

#31
April 12, 2009, 12:20:58 AM
Quote from: Cami on April 11, 2009, 12:18:21 PM
A bear and a bunny are walking through the forest and the bear ask "Hey bunny, do you ever have a problem of poop sticking to your fur?" the bunny says "no" so the bear picks up the bunny and wipes his butt with him!

HAH! 

@KYLYKaHYT: :o  Scandalous carrots!

Quote from: Rebis on April 11, 2009, 11:15:40 AM
Carrot lover! 

Better than a pea lover! :P
If curiosity really killed the cat, I'd already be dead. :laugh:

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." GWC
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Michelle.

#32
April 12, 2009, 03:26:09 AM
ANNOUNCEMENT:

The sexual position known as 69, is now to be referred to as 96. Due to the current economic conditions the cost of eating out has risen.
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Cindy

#33
April 12, 2009, 03:37:40 AM
This is a good thread :D

Two Aussies in Rome went to the Vatican and saw the Pope being carried in his chair blessing the faithful. They were impressed. That night at the bar they asked the barman what was the Pope's favoutite drink, Creme de Menthe he replied. We'll have two pints of Creme de menthe. After four rounds they were feeling seedy. Walking back to the hotel they passed out in an alley. Next day woke up feeling rat s**t. They lookat each other ans say, No wonder they carry him around in a chair.

Cindy James
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Sophie90

#34
April 12, 2009, 10:33:59 AM
What is the Russian National Dish?






Empty.


Yes, I do know that this will be deleted. XD
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Pica Pica

#35
April 12, 2009, 02:28:52 PM
never before did I see a carrot threesome
'For the circle may be squared with rising and swelling.' Kit Smart
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Shana A

#36
April 12, 2009, 02:34:54 PM
I can't think of anything funny on demand :P

Z
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." Oscar Wilde
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KYLYKaHYT

#37
April 12, 2009, 03:13:32 PM
Quote from: Pica Pica on April 12, 2009, 02:28:52 PM
never before did I see a carrot threesome

Those carrots are pretty straitlaced compared to the randy radishes I grew last year.
ƃuoɹʍ llɐ ʇno əɯɐɔ ʇɐɥʇ
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heatherrose

#38
April 12, 2009, 03:48:17 PM
Quote from: Jaimey on April 10, 2009, 01:06:22 AM
Sweet Jesus, somebody say,.....something funny!!!

Only for you Doll,

Something funny!!!


"I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you,
I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.

So let's make the most of this beautiful day,
Since we're together, we might as well say,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won't you be my neighbor?" - Fred Rogers
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Jaimey

#39
April 13, 2009, 01:57:42 PM Last Edit: April 13, 2009, 10:01:07 PM by Jaimey
Quote from: michellesofl on April 12, 2009, 03:26:09 AM
ANNOUNCEMENT:
The sexual position known as 69, is now to be referred to as 96. Due to the current economic conditions the cost of eating out has risen.

WOW.

...you all are outdoing yourselves! 

@Z...and I was expecting such grating :P things from you.  :laugh:
If curiosity really killed the cat, I'd already be dead. :laugh:

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." GWC
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