Thank you gentlemen for having me as a guest in your forum. I was hoping you could help me understand the process an FTM man goes through when he begins as lesbian-identified, and then transitions to manhood. It seems like some FTM individuals continue to belong to the lesbian community they came from? I was wondering how they square that with male gender identity.
I'm asking this for a practical reason: I moderate a lesbian community which is for women only. As a rule, I turn down all men who apply to join. However, over the time I've been moderator, two individuals who joined the community as women have come out as trans. Both of them have joined the transgender community I also moderate, in addition to the lesbian one. (Both of them are my good friends too.) One of them is injecting T, has grown a beard, has changed his name and ID, and has transitioned to full time manhood. The other is less firmly committed to being male, but is exploring the masculine spectrum. So far, I have not expelled them from the lesbian community or even questioned what they're still doing there. I want to handle this with delicacy, understanding, and total respect for everyone concerned. But it does raise questions for me.
Earlier, another individual applied to join, saying he had started out as lesbian, but was now FTM. I approved his application, although with doubts and misgivings in my heart. I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt, because I'm not sure where the line is drawn in lesbian communities. And because I've observed how often trans men continue to belong to the lesbian communities they emerged from, even after transition. I didn't feel it was for me to lay down the law in such a sensitive area. I can't even tell if a line is drawn at all.
That's what I'm asking your help with, those of you who started out identified as lesbians. How does this work?
My co-moderator is a cisgender lesbian, and when I asked her opinion about trans people belonging to our women-only community, she answered: Trans women, yes. Trans men, no.
For me, logic says if you identify as a man, then a women-only community is not for you. But in real-life praxis, I often see trans men continuing to belong to lesbian communities. And often the lesbians themselves, as far as I can tell, have no objection (my co-moderator excepted). So I hesitate to trump the de facto consensual arrangements of real life with mere logic. I want to resolve this question by approaching it delicately and respectfully. I want to understand in order to know how best to moderate my women-only lesbian community. It's a dilemma for me, and I was hoping you could help me sort this out. Thanks!
