This name thing seems so unnatural

[Nero]

Well, just got my gender marker change papers. I can either change that before changing the name or change the name first. Either way. But got to change them close together, as my birth name is way too female for male gender marker and will draw attention.

This is probably my least favorite chore in all this. I waited out changing my name until I got the physical stuff done, and now can't wait any longer. No name seems the right thing to do, and trust me, I've been over and over this for going on 4 years now.
No name seems right, and every candidate for the name has its own drawbacks and perks. At this point, I'm just going to have to choose one I'm not entirely comfortable with, because I will never be entirely comfortable with any name for myself right now. And it just seems so unnatural to have to name oneself. And then there's the issue of the surname, which is literally so rare in this country, that I am literally related to all but one bearer (whom my family got in touch with assuming they were a long lost relative).
I'm afraid that people will recognize me as the former female bearer of this surname, even after gender change. I don't know if it matters or not. But certainly not conducive to stealth. So, there's that issue. I keep thinking about changing it back to its former un-Americanized glory, rendering it unrecognizable as the former name. But I also am used to the current surname and spelling and sounding it out and answering questions about it at every turn. I can't do anything without explaining the name. Can be a nice icebreaker at times too. Course the other form is just as bizarre and unpronounceable. So, yeah I can't even decide on the surname.

Indecision is the biggest evil of all.
Anybody else not enjoy this part of the process?

[Sarah Louise]

I chose my name for a reason, but in reality, a name is a name.  It is just something for others to call you by.

I wouldn't over think your choices (as long as it doesn't sound offensive to you).  As for the last name, that was never important to me, I never even thought about changing it until someone asked me about it and I said I guess I will keep it, I really don't care.

Mine is somewhat of a common German name so there are others out there with the same last name.  But this branch dies with me, neither my brother or I had any male children (and my father was an only child).

Unless your last name is a distinctive one, people aren't going to be going around saying "oh that name sounds familiar, are you related to ---".

Sarah L.

[Janet_Girl]

My family name will be carried on by my sons and their sons, so it wasn't a big deal to change the last name.  And that way anyone one my Father's side will not have to be associated with my life, except by choice.

I selected a last name that was within my lineage, I am Irish by birth.  I have always be Janet so that was easy, and Lynn goes well with it.  Stoled it from my ex, as I liked it.

Not knowing your family name or lineage, I would ask......what would you name a son?

And I was so overjoyed when I changed my name that I could not quit grinning for days.  On when I get the gender marker changed, the world will know it.

Janet

[Ender]

I agree that it seems unnatural.  I picked a name that I wanted to be my own since I was eight years old; I picked a name that I learned was the only name chosen for me (until I was unexpectedly born 'female'); and it still seems odd.  I spent so many years grudgingly getting used to my old name (I settled on a less feminine shortened version) that it almost seems 'mine.'  Just out of habit. 

I'm sure the fact that my family persists in calling me by my birthname even after legally changing it is not helping matters.  I'm also not out at work, so they still call me by my birthname.  It's hard to get used to a name when you're never called by it.

I like Janet's idea: what would you name a son?  Also, may I ask what your surname's country of origin is?

[TamTam]

Just remember that even if you pick a name that you can use for official purposes, you can still tell friends and stuff to call you Nero if you prefer it.  Nicknames don't have to be 'normal.'    And lots of people are saddled with names they don't particularly love because their parents had different opinions than themselves.  You don't have to find the absolute perfect name.

[Mister]

What's wrong with Nero?

[Alyssa M.]

Names certainly are unnatural -- arbitrary strings of syllables chosen, typically, by parents. We just get used to them because we hear them so often. If you just pick one, especially a fairly common one that you like, and use it with confidence (even feigned confidence), you'll find soon enough that it suits you.

[sneakersjay]

I just picked the first one I thought of.  Then tried on several others I liked better, but were discarded for various reasons.  Since I was a kid, I always thought I was a Jeffrey, and really wanted to be a Jeffrey.  But there are too many other Jeffs in the family, and after going to my uncle's on Memorial Day, whose son is a Jeffrey, I'm glad I didn't!


Jay

[Tammy Hope]

I'm not 1000% settled yet but a couple of the things that I've been thinking over are really kind of everyday practicality things.

things like -

Long form vs short form. I'm not sure what the first one will be yet but in the middle will be "Elizabeth" because it has so many variants there's bound to be a short form i like (at the moment I'm partial to "Beth" and it was what I used the one time i went out en femme and talked to anyone)

Signature - I don't know about anyone else but I very seldom hand write in cursive anymore and haven't for over a decade. so what I chose will be something I can write easily and quickly in signature form.

what your friends call you - this kind of ties into the "short form" point above. A natural one or two syllable name like "Lisa" or "Sam" is maybe easier for those who know you to adjust to than something more "flowery" or extravagant.

fitting in - is your goal to be "just another" girl/boy or do you want to call attention to yourself a bit? For me, it's the former.

Some like to play off their old name or initials, that has no particular interest for me. I haven't given any thought to meddling with the surname because i have sons and I don't want to create artificial distance there unless I had some real good reason to.

[FairyGirl]

You could let someone who loved you pick it for you, the same as happened when you were born.  But I say go with your heart sweetie.   And Nero is a nice name, too 

[Suzy]

When I change my name it will be to the name that I should have had at birth.  I was just "supposed" to be a girl and the name was set, and I have always liked it.  When I was born male, it was a shock to my parents for some reason. 

Kristi

[Tammy Hope]

That's interesting. When I come out to my mom, assuming it goes reasonably well, I might ask her what she would have named a daughter...

[Autumn]

The name thing is killing me. My therapist and a local TG support center were both astonished that I haven't figured out one.

Last night, one kind of came to me out of the blue. I ran it by my gf, who remarked 'That's my sister's middle name!'

Aurgh. I was afraid of that. I still like it, though. Not sure if it'll stick though.

I seriously feel your pain, Nero, I'm 23 now and since about 19 I've been wondering. Just go with Nero :p

[Arch]

Well, apart from the weird historical connotation, you COULD keep Nero unless you really really don't want to. Or, if you don't want to name yourself, run a poll and have us all vote on it.

For the last name, the Americanized version could work...but you could always just go with Smith.

I used to have a very unusual last name before I changed it. It was very easy to let go of...

[Jamie-o]

I just wanted to add that you may want to look into changing your name and gender marker at the same time.  Depending on how your state does things, it could save you a couple hundred dollars in court fees.

[Cindy]

I suppose we have all come to know you as Nero. Nice name and unusual but very pleasant and very manly.
As for a surname. I went back through all sorts of search engines and came up with an ancient family name. De'Fiddler
Mr Nero De'Fiddler.

OMG sorry I've got your lineage confused with the jewish name, Fiddlerontheroof

Sorry Nero  , just having a laugh .

Pick a second name (surname) that doesn't need spelling out over the phone etc. It just makes life easier. Is that MacDonald or McDonald or are you a MACDonald.

Oh such happy times Bro.
You are worrying about a name. I remember you worrying about living. And that wasn't long ago.

Cindy. or is it Cindi, or Cyndy, Sindy or Sindi Syndy. Ahhh

[Renate]

There's nothing wrong with a short surname that needs spelling.
At least it removes the uncertainty of whether to spell it out or not.

I've had decades of practice spelling out my old, short surname every time I gave it out.
My new surname is also short with unusual spelling.

In customer service, it always amazes me how many people give an obscure name without initially offering to spell it out.

[sneakersjay]

When I change my name it will be to the name that I should have had at birth.  I was just "supposed" to be a girl and the name was set, and I have always liked it.  When I was born male, it was a shock to my parents for some reason. 

Kristi

My parents were going to name me Lawrence.  I am so NOT a Larry!!  So, I passed on that idea.


Jay

[Princess Katrina]

Determining a name wasn't *terribly* hard for me, though there were some frustrations.

For the longest time, I just figured "If I ever get a sex change, I'll go with what my parents would've named me had I been born physically female." I later changed my mind on that, in part that name was "Lacy Star" and I realized I didn't really want a name that sounded like it belonged to a porn star.

Katrina was easy to choose cause I happened to use it as the name of a char I was playing in an MMO and it just felt so *right* being called Katrina and Kat by people. My middle name, I wanted Ashley due to the similarity to my old middle name (which was also what I used to go by), but I was for a long while considering spelling it "Achlie" to resemble my French heritage. After also using that as a character name in an MMO and finding that *no* one ever knew how to pronounce it (they always thought it was German), I finally decided I'd just go with Ashley.

I never really considered changing my surname (though I will if I ever "marry"); but then, my surname is incredibly common and doesn't by any means indicate actual relation to anyone else with that surname.

[K8]

I picked a name - Katherine.  Almost every one of my friends I told I was going to be Katherine would look at me blankly until I said " or Kate".  Then they'd brighten up.  I've been Kate ever since.  You only have so much control over what your name is.

If you feel you need to change your surname, you might try your country of origin's version of Smith or Jones.

Of course, we here have gotten used to you being Nero so we might want to still call you that regardless of what you pick.

- legally Katherine but really Kate