Getitng Ma'amed Without Getting Glammed

[Tammy Hope]

Forgive if I'm being dense but these people didn't pick up on the progression from point A to point B?

Or did you keep it down low until all at once to 24/7 with no gradual changes?

I can't imagine the folks at the local Wal mart just forgetting the first time i showed up without a beard or the first time I was a blonde or whatever and not adding it up...

[heatherrose]

My #1 priority now is getting my name and gender marker changed, that is the one and only thing that holds me back from being Full Time.  I live full time now but all my ID is wrong.  That sucks. 

Ya, it does, I was living full time and working as a long haul trucker, for almost
two years before I got my name changed. I imagined a courtroom drama with
the judge questioning me as to why I would possibly want my name changed
to that of a female...bla, bla, bla. I don't know what it might be like for you,
in your jurisdiction but in rural northern Az. all I had to do was basicly file an
application with the county court and wait for the judge to sign the order, I
never met the man. What was really cool about the whole thing was he signed
the order on my birthday. All that self imposed grief and worry for nothing.

I can't get the gender changed until I have the surgery but it really hasn't
caused me any problems. I've had cops assume that DMV has made a mistake.

Post Merge: July 04, 2009, 04:41:59 PM

Dee, Do you think your mom is fugly?

I may be fugly but...

She saw herself in me.  As I do when I look in the mirror, I see my mom.

If she's not "fugly" neither are you!

[Janet_Girl]

Mine was also non eventful too, Honey.   He just looked at me and said "Petition granted".  It was obvious to him why I wanted to change it.  A woman was standing in front of him.

DMV changed the gender marker because Oregon allows for that with a letter from your therapist.  And when I went full time, work changed the gender marker to female which changed the health records too.

[Tammy Hope]

What was really cool about the whole thing was he signed
the order on my birthday.

that's one of my little fantasies - that when I change mine (IF!) it will happen on a birthday.

In fact, I mark pretty much everything in my "future fantasies" by either my birthday or by the anniversary of the day i came out to my wife.

"by my 46th birthday I'll..." or "within five years of coming out I'll..."

The only exception to that is weight. It was one year ago this last week I found out I was diabetic and she said lose weight (which looking back, I think may have been the last trigger to provoke me to come out) and I decided then not to just lose 10% but to lose half of it (I weighed 308 at the time)

Right now I'm at about 256 (which is WAY slower than I had hoped - one lousy pound a week on average) but I mark my weight not only by the birthday and the anniversary but also by the first of July.

My goal is 2 pounds a week for the next year (on average) which would put me at right around 150 this time next year.

I'm...digressing again...aren't I?

[heatherrose]

When my closet door exploded, I weighed over 240lb. on a largish 5'8" frame,
within about eight months I went from size 18 pants to size 8. I lost over 75lb.
Then over the next year I gained back just over 10lb. which I was comfortable with.
Then I started on HRT and gained another 15lb but It seems to have leveled
off at 190lb but people don't believe I weigh that much. I KNOW, like several
hundred thousand other girls, I'll never be small so I'm not sweating it, like I
used to and I think my girlfriend is happy with the way I look so...

[Janet_Girl]

Yes she does.  Just more to love.

[K8]

this provokes a bit of curiosity for me. Do you still live in the same area and shop at the same stores you did before transition? That is, is there a decent chance that the check-out girl or the other person in the aisle or in the bathroom is someone who knew you before?

One of the things that has crossed my mind is that if I don't have a chance to move before i get to the 24/7 stages, that this little town is small enough that everyone in town will know who I was and what's going on - and so going to the little girls room can never be an anonymous thing.
Thus the potential for the un-accepting to protest.

Excuse me, ladies, while I butt in here.  I too live in a small town (26,000, but the next town is 50 miles away and there are only a few houses in between).  Last January 26 I shaved off my beard.  April 21 I started full time as Katherine.  I go to the same shops and cafes and coffee shops where people recognize me from when I was whats-his-name in a beard.  I use the women's rooms when I need to go, of course.  (And what restroom would they expect me to use, after all?)  At first people were a little wary, but now they realize this is a permanant change and welcome me.  Actually, I've made friends of some of the store clerks that were only professionally friendly with me when I was *him*.

Today I met two women I hadn't seen in quite a while.  One recognized me from *then*; the other asked if I was new in town.  The one who recognized me just smiled at me and kept her mouth shut.

Just because you change your presentation from him to her doesn't mean you have to move.  (I know - it depends on where you live. )  Most people ma'amed me today and the others are my friends who call me Kate.

Yes, I've been lucky.  But it also helps to go forward with confidence.  As Heatherrose says: Own the ground you stand on.  As Janet says: It's all about attitude.

Laura, if someone recognizes you from *before*, so what?

You go girl!

- Kate

[V M]

You can do it Laura 

Due to injuries, I am no longer able to run unless I like my hip and knee going out and doing a nose dive. So did that stop me? Did I give up and go ring the bell? Hell no  I went out and got a bicycle and an elliptical exerciser. After all, I hate driving or flying in just about anything for some reason.

[Janet_Girl]

Dee you are every bit your Mothers daughter.  You are both beautiful women.

Janet

[Tammy Hope]

Excuse me, ladies, while I butt in here.  I too live in a small town (26,000, but the next town is 50 miles away and there are only a few houses in between).

for the record - I'm talking more like 6 or 7,000

Last January 26 I shaved off my beard.  April 21 I started full time as Katherine.  I go to the same shops and cafes and coffee shops where people recognize me from when I was whats-his-name in a beard.  I use the women's rooms when I need to go, of course.  (And what restroom would they expect me to use, after all?)  At first people were a little wary, but now they realize this is a permanant change and welcome me.  Actually, I've made friends of some of the store clerks that were only professionally friendly with me when I was *him*.

Today I met two women I hadn't seen in quite a while.  One recognized me from *then*; the other asked if I was new in town.  The one who recognized me just smiled at me and kept her mouth shut.

All that, especially the short obvious turnaround, is VERY encouraging.

Just because you change your presentation from him to her doesn't mean you have to move.  (I know - it depends on where you live. )  Most people ma'amed me today and the others are my friends who call me Kate.

Yes, I've been lucky.  But it also helps to go forward with confidence.  As Heatherrose says: Own the ground you stand on.  As Janet says: It's all about attitude.

And THAT is what I struggle with.

Laura, if someone recognizes you from *before*, so what?
You go girl!

- Kate

Oh, I'm positive everyone who sees me regularly is well aware of every change in appearance and that is FINE. I'm not trying to be stealth.

I do hesitate some in wearing certain things - I've not dared to wear a skirt in this town yet because I'm not 24/7 and I'm trying to not just be "in your face" about it - and that limits my choices some because I can't bring myself to wear the "man mask' without a very good reason (like employment) but at the same time, if I avoid "girly" stuff I have a very narrow window. But all that is just adjustment things for me and for them.

I really don't care if I'm not as well accepted in the future as I have been so far.

But the answer to "so what?" for me is this: If all these folks have watched me transition and transform and one day I go to town in a dress they will know it's me and "oh well"...but if I head off to the little girl's room and am challenged on that, that's a big ugly scene I would rather not have.

and I WOULD be challenged unless they had reason to think I was post-op.

It's one thing to be the curiosity that everyone is too polite to admit they notice, it's quite another to be the one who sets off the alarms, so to speak.


Post Merge: July 04, 2009, 09:54:36 PM

You can do it Laura 

Due to injuries, I am no longer able to run unless I like my hip and knee going out and doing a nose dive. So did that stop me? Did I give up and go ring the bell? Hell no  I went out and got a bicycle and an elliptical exerciser. After all, I hate driving or flying in just about anything for some reason.

What I really prefer to do is swim but I can't afford the gym membership at the only place with a pool in this hick town.

[Janet_Girl]

It is funny on the bathroom issue.  I was told that when I went full time at work, "Under no circumstances was I to use the the mens room."

[V M]

Please, Please, Please....Don't get this thread started on bathroom issues 

[Tammy Hope]

The big secret is to just dress plain, like everyone else.  Don't get all dolled up to the nines and draw attention.  Try shorts for starters, just like the rest of the women are wearing now this time of year.  Then work towards skirts.  Slow and gradual change goes unnoticed much easier than sudden overnight change.

This is pretty much how I dress for walmart.  A plain black skort, my boyfriend's shirt and sneakers with ankle socks.  Pretty plain and boring. 





I don't try to knock em dead, I'm not hot and never will be.  I just want to be seen as average and plain and draw as little notice as possible.  I don't want attention.

Small bites and chew slowly.  Slow and steady wins the race.

Actually, that's not much different than what I wear most every day.

I have some ladies shorts (one kacki, 2 kind of athletic shorts that are way to short for a girl my age) and I wear them every chance I get. Ladies sneakers and socks and the only real issue I have is shirts. I can't find androgynous blouses in my size. The blouses I have are obviously feminine style. So it's either wear one of those, or my "hawaiian flowerdy shirts"

almost always the latter (well, I do ha ve one or two things that are in neither camp but the pickings are slim, you understand the point)

So, truthfully, how you look in that pic is very much like how I look most every time I go out (unless I'm job hunting or something)

Post Merge: July 04, 2009, 10:08:13 PM
Here's a pic with the shorts.

Ignoring the wig, I've been to the store in this outfit before. (before the tank top shrunk...I've got half a dozen ladies tanks and they all ride up on that fat belly)

Lately I've taken to throwing on some makeup almost every time, just enough to make a subtle statement, nothing "glam"

/2633/pict0107.jpg[/img]
Post Merge: July 04, 2009, 11:09:42 PM
I was faking the lady bumps with a cami with built in cups there, for what it's worth - my "moobs" aren't that big (sadly)

[Naturally Blonde]

Here's pic from 2007:
http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f58/dreamfields/IMAG0004kimhay.jpg
I always dress casually but I don't look very female in this shot. More like Bon Jovi? I hope I've improved a lot since then but I don't have any recent pics at the moment.

[Janet_Girl]

AH.......Only if Bon Jovi is MtF.

Janet

[K8]

Dee, you are definitely your mother's daughter.  You look very much alike. 

(I'll have to dig out a picture of my mother.  I'd love to look like her or one of her sisters, but I think I probably look more like my father's family - kind of geeky and awkward, a bit like the British Royal Family. )

The big secret is to just dress plain, like everyone else.  Don't get all dolled up to the nines and draw attention.  Try shorts for starters, just like the rest of the women are wearing now this time of year.  Then work towards skirts.  Slow and gradual change goes unnoticed much easier than sudden overnight change.

Small bites and chew slowly.  Slow and steady wins the race.

Yes.  I rarely wear a skirt in town because almost no one does.  I want to blend in as best I can.  My transition has been very fast, but it has consisted of a rapid succession of small bites, chewed slowly.

- Kate

[Lori]

Here's pic from 2007:
http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f58/dreamfields/IMAG0004kimhay.jpg
I always dress casually but I don't look very female in this shot.

You look like a girl that has been working outside all day to me.

[Tammy Hope]

You look like a girl that has been working outside all day to me.

Agreed. Cute farmer's daughter vibe going on

[LordKAT]

2  points here

first if for Laura,

The pic with tank and shorts looks almost exactly like a gg friend of mine without the shadow. Don't sell yourself short.

second is on topic but backwards as I'm FTM

I was in a car accident last week. Police, ambulance, hospital, no one figured out I was born with female parts til I told the doc in the emergency room. (He asked why I was wearing a binder and if it was cause of back trouble.)

felt good 

if this don't belong here due to being MTF site, feel free to remove it or tell me to.

[V M]

No worries Dude  I hope you were not badly injured in the accident