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First therapy session – What to say? – what not to say?

Started by Galantha, June 21, 2009, 09:24:54 AM

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Galantha

Hello,
    I am a MTF transsexual who is about to schedule my first therapy session next week.  I was very lucky and was able to get a therapist recommendation from a local Transgender group.

    I searched around a bit on this forum about what to say / not say with ones therapist without much luck.  On a certain level I am petrified that the therapist will categorize me as something else.  I know the therapist will very much be the gatekeeper of my future, and if I have to find a different one the time with this one will have wasted.

This leaves me with the two things I have been wondering:

What do I say to the therapist?
What do I not say to the therapist?


Thank you,
Galantha
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Nero

In this day and age, just be yourself. The two therapists I had, I told everything. Even seemingly 'trans violations', such as being an ftm who's bisexual and wears mascara. The more important factor is whether you know who you are or not. If you know you're trans, know you're female, it won't matter if you - god forbid, enjoy sex  :o or know what's under the hood of a car.
I think it's safe to be yourself with your therapist, and I think if you embellish to try to conform to some stereotype, you'll shortchange yourself. Your therapist can help you best, the better they know you.
Remember that this is a self diagnosis for all intents and purposes. If you're sure, your therapist will be sure.

So if you're trans, if you're a woman, say so. Be firm about it.
Nero was the Forum Admin here at Susan's Place for several years up to the time of his death.
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Miniar

Whatever you choose to talk to the therapist about, do your best to be as perfectly honest with the therapist as humanly possible.



"Everyone who has ever built anywhere a new heaven first found the power thereto in his own hell" - Nietzsche
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Kara

Say whatever you want. Don't be afraid of blurting out whatever. I've found therapists to be very understanding and patient with things.
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colormyworld

Just tell the truth and answer all their questions honestly, and bring up any concerns you might have. If you try to hide things or embellish the truth, you'll just be hurting yourself in the end. The therapist's job is to help you, they won't be able to help you properly if you don't tell the truth! If you need to take a little extra time getting to know the therapist and getting comfortable talking to them, then do so! It'll help you in opening up more to them in the future if you're comfortable talking to them, and will make the whole process easier!

The therapists job is to help YOU get what you need. They aren't there to judge you, or compare you to others. As long as you tell the truth, they'll be able to rule out other things faster and diagnose you properly quicker.
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Janet_Girl

Hi Galantha, :icon_wave:

Welcome to our little family. Over 2500 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:

And be sure to check out

Quote from: Natasha on June 21, 2009, 11:42:46 AM
the truth

don't tell lies.

Ditto

Janet
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Sigma Prime

How to convince a therapist that you are Schiz:

Don't show any expression. When you go into the office, be wary, and take a good, long look around the room before you sit down. Whatever you do, don't stare directly into the therapist's eyes. Instead, find things in the room to stare at. Give short, sure answers to any given question, and do not offer him any information that he doesn't request directly. And remember, if he asks a question that seems to be too personal, you should take offense over it: he is using those personal questions to probe into the unsanitary details of your private life. Giving him a piece of your mind over it will raise his respect for you.

How to get on well with a therapist:

Be open, trusting, calm, and considerate.
  •  

Galantha

QuoteHow to convince a therapist that you are Schiz:

Don't show any expression. When you go into the office, be wary, and take a good, long look around the room before you sit down. Whatever you do, don't stare directly into the therapist's eyes. Instead, find things in the room to stare at. Give short, sure answers to any given question, and do not offer him any information that he doesn't request directly. And remember, if he asks a question that seems to be too personal, you should take offense over it: he is using those personal questions to probe into the unsanitary details of your private life. Giving him a piece of your mind over it will raise his respect for you.

You can start laughing, but this was far more helpful then I would like to admit.

----------------------------------

Thank you everyone who responded.  The answers have been helpful to me, even if they have been a bit obvious.

-- Galantha
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K8

+1 to what the others have said. 

The therapist is there to help you.  If you are not open and honest you are shortchanging yourself and probably delaying the process.  You want to find out what you need, not what the therapist needs.  The therapist is there to help you get to where you need to be.

Good luck!

- Kate
Life is a pilgrimage.
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Sigma Prime

Quote from: Galantha on June 22, 2009, 02:49:12 AM
You can start laughing, but this was far more helpful then I would like to admit.
I am, but in a good way.

Your therapist will want to name one of his/her children after you if you just admit outright that you are scared out of your wits. They tend to be extremely impressed with clients who are willing to talk about their feelings. It's actually a source of frustration for them to have a client who is too concerned about saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. They get a better idea of who you are and what you're about if you just go in and try to be yourself. As a result, they're a lot more likely to trust your OWN judgement regarding YOURSELF, so it makes things a lot easier on both of you.
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Ms Jessica

be yourself.  you can't go wrong.  Therapists don't always see themselves as gatekeepers, and you can always get a different one if this one turns out to be an a$$hat. 
  •  

Galantha

That was odd.  I called up the office of one of the two therapists recommended to me and asked to schedule a session.  The receptionist just hung up on me.  Did I violate some sort of Taboo? 

-- Galantha
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Kara

Quote from: Galantha on June 22, 2009, 04:17:29 PM
That was odd.  I called up the office of one of the two therapists recommended to me and asked to schedule a session.  The receptionist just hung up on me.  Did I violate some sort of Taboo? 

-- Galantha

That's just downright rude. They're not supposed to do that. I believe it might come under discrimination.
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Galantha

QuoteThat's just downright rude. They're not supposed to do that. I believe it might come under discrimination.

I will definitly agree with you on the rude part.  I doubt it was discrimination, I did not tell her anything about or why.  Thinking back, it occurs to me most people are going to be referred to a therapist by their doctor.  The receptionist may have thought I was some fruitcake.

I sent the Therapist an email directly, hopefully I will hear back from her soon.

-- Galantha
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Kara

Quote from: Galantha on June 22, 2009, 05:14:34 PM
I will definitly agree with you on the rude part.  I doubt it was discrimination, I did not tell her anything about or why.  Thinking back, it occurs to me most people are going to be referred to a therapist by their doctor.  The receptionist may have thought I was some fruitcake.

I sent the Therapist an email directly, hopefully I will hear back from her soon.

-- Galantha

Hanging up on someone is the same as refusing to give them service, which is the same as discrimination. Any counseling center that tried to pull that with me would have quite a problem on their hands...and the receptionist would probably be fired within the month.

Ideally, counselors/therapists etc are supposed to help people no matter what their problem and while they do have the right to refuse you service, I believe they have to give you a reason and refer you to someone else. At least, that's my understanding.
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Ms Jessica

maybe you just got disconnected?
did you try calling back?  Or did the receptionist say something about a long walk and a short pier?
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Galantha

Quote from: Jessica L. on June 22, 2009, 07:21:31 PM
maybe you just got disconnected?
did you try calling back?  Or did the receptionist say something about a long walk and a short pier?

It is possible I was simply disconnected.  I made no attempt to call back.  I did however get a response back from the therapist to call the number I was disconnected from inorder to get cost information and schedule an appointment.  I need to go to bed soon, so I will not do that tonight.

-- Galantha
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Sigma Prime

Take advantage of the experience. Try to use this small discourtesy, if it was indeed a discourtesy, to build up in your mind a more human image of this therapist. He/she is really just an ordinary person, and therapists don't really receive the highest of incomes. They are probably being hurt as much as anyone else during this economic downturn. Think about the therapist thinking the kinds of things and doing the kinds of things that any ordinary person would do. Maybe that could help tone down your anxiety a bit.

Therapists are really just like any other kind of professional: tired more often than they like, starting to feel themselves age, and maybe feeling a little disappointed that their profession isn't EXACTLY what they envisioned it would be. In light of that, it's nice to try to feel some compassion toward them, and treat them with simple, human kindness. Try to smile when you see them, and maybe make a little bit of small-talk. To a therapist, a minute or so of light-hearted chatter is worth five thousand years of hearing about someone's inner turmoil. They're bombarded with that stuff every single day, and it gets really repetitive after a while. It's easier on you and them both if you think of them as PEOPLE, flawed and confused like anyone else, rather than these sinister gatekeepers.

By the way, as a transsexual, I count myself very lucky. You know, my problems are relatively easy to fix compared to someone who suffers from some terrible mood disorder. I'm very fortunate compared to most people who would go in to see a therapist. When I get my license, I might focus on GID for just that reason: I think it would give me a lot more job satisfaction than other concentrations.
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Galantha

The therapist I mentioned responded back to me, and then called me on the phone.  She referred me up the chain to another person who is running a program for interns, who cannot bill hours out.  She felt I would be best served if I gave this person a call, and see if I could get therapy through this program.

As I am rather strapped for cash, I am thinking I should go for it.  I need to go to bed to get some sleep before work, so not going to call the guy tonight.

-- Galantha
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