You're an FTM and You're GAY?

[Lachlann]

I should point out that the vast majority of FTMs that I have met in person are attracted to females. A number of those guys are attracted to men in addition to women. Except online, I haven't run into many FTMs who are exclusively attracted to men. So based on my own small sample size, I would guess that either it just seems like lots of guys at Susan's are gay, or social and psychological factors cause gay FTMs to flock here and keep flocking here.

Like I've said before. Minorities always seem bigger online than they really are and often flock to the Internet for support because they're spread out.

The number of people who turn out transgender? That's also a very small number, yet Susan's makes it feel like there's a lot of us when there aren't.

[Arch]

Like I've said before. Minorities always seem bigger online than they really are and often flock to the Internet for support because they're spread out.

Yeah, I think it's probably true. I meant to reference you on this.

[tekla]

In so far as you don't' think it's all OK with the gay community, then go ahead.

[Mister]

As someone who lives somewhere with a large number of transpeople, those of us who are exclusively attracted to women are the minority.

[Hector]

I'm bisexual but I prefere boys.
When I was 16 I came out to myself that I liked also girls, even if I used to prefere boys. Then I forced myself in a female role that wasn't mine and I started to date boys. After some >-bleeped-<ty relationship I called myself lesbian because I don't wanted to be with a boy anymore.
A year ago I came out as a FtM and now I think I'm returning to my sexual orientation of when I was 16: I prefere boys, even if I watch also girls. 

[Christo]

I can't imagine I'm the only straight FTM out there...right? .... tell me some of you still love women..?

I love women. Men have never interested me. So I guess as female bodied I would have been a lesbian

Not sure about the other guys..

Jay

yep same here.  I'm straight & love girls. I dont like dudes. never been w/a dude. dunno 'bout other straight f2m's but I didnt hang out in lesbian bars or anythin like that b4 transition. I was never a "lesbian". all my gf's have been straight women  in my mind I've alwyas been a dude that likes women & thats all there's 2 it.

[Arch]

As someone who lives somewhere with a large number of transpeople, those of us who are exclusively attracted to women are the minority.

If I had to make a guess about the guys in my area, I'd say that maybe fifty percent or more are straight and have no interest in men at all. Quite a few are bi/pan/omni, and I think that is more common among the younger guys than the older guys. I've only run into a few guys in person who like men only.

[kestin]

I think its also just younger people in general being more openminded about sexuality, regardless of whether they're trans or not.

[Vancha]

I think its also just younger people in general being more openminded about sexuality, regardless of whether they're trans or not.

I think it's just great to see that the new generation is, at least by the majority, far more liberal and open-minded than past generations.  Although people speak of how our world is disintegrating around us, I see more hope in the knowledge and decency of the young people of today than I see danger in something like "global warming".

[Mister]

I don't think I lack in liberalism and if I did, it's not why I don't want another man's cock in my bed.

[PolarBear]

Another straight FtM Here.
I've never really been interested in men during my adult life, and while I did wonder about guys every now and then throughout my teenage years, I never was interested enough to try it out.

[Buddhas Camera]

I have ftm medical history, and I identify now as gay.
Interestingly, before the T started ( Jan. 2007), I was finally clear that I was attracted to women, and okay with myself around that (had been with men some, as there was always a deeper spiritual connection with them).

As my body changed through the T, my brain honestly felt like it was changing.  I saw lines and colors differently.  My eyes seriously began to work differently with my brain.  I had a really rough time, maybe 2.5 - 4 months into the T where my orientation was shifting.  VERY DISORIENTING AND STRESSFUL.  Then, once I had my chest surgery (18 mos ago), I ended up getting really clear.  Without the extra tissue on my chest that was not wanted, I could land even more inside myself. 

Four months ago, I had the pleasure of being out dancing in a group with some lovely gay men (3 of them I had never met before, but was eventually told they were gay), and perhaps 12 really lovely women.  It was fascinating, as I watched my body's responses.  NOTHING to the beautiful, free, kind, some of them mature in a great way, women.  And the men kept practically sending me to my knees.  I actually started kind of laughing, at the contrast, since a tiny bit of me had held onto the small shred of memory of loving women so SO intensely and completely for years.

That's gone.

Men are what affect me on a very primal level now.  I am slowly adjusting, but I will still say I feel disoriented by that.  Perhaps more than almost anything else in my transition.  In the groups I was in (more than 18 mos ago now), there were other ftms who were attracted to ftms, and one was at least clearly attracted to men, but this was NOT the "cool" way to be.  There was some process in the group about it.  Seems many ftms assume we are all the same, but my inner experience is not what theirs was around the attraction piece. 

My attraction to ftms held pretty strong for the first 15 months or so on T, but that has shifted, and I am not sure where it landed.  I can't tell what is judging myself around that, what is grief about relationship with an ftm that I really loved, but it didn't work out, where there were several issues happening, etc.  Don't really run into a lot of ftms where I moved to now, lol.  Have seen one in the past five months.  He was cute, but don't know that we will be dating, for a few other reasons.

This got long, I've been gone for awhile....
thanks for listening.
Joseph

[Jamie-o]

Welcome back, Joseph.  Long time no see. 

[Luc]

I'm an ftm, and I'm bi. Or pansexual. Or omnisexual. Or whatever the blanket p.c. term is at this point, this moment, today.... I also like wearing pink. I like to dye my hair. I like glitter. I still watch movies like Cinderella Story and cry at the happy endings. I think the point I'm trying to make (wow, there's a point?) is that there is no one way to be ftm. We come from every point on the spectrum of sexuality and even gender, so to question how there can be such differences between members of the same group is just redundant... it's like questioning how one can be human and not like the taste of peanut butter.

That said, I was exclusively attracted to chicks prior to T. I called myself bi then, but it was solely due to the fact I didn't feel right identifying as either lesbian or straight, as a female. I tried each on for size for awhile, but in the end just knew I didn't work as any of those, not as a chick. Once I passed on T, however, I found myself attracted to guys far more than ever before. I know it's because I could never have seen myself as a woman with a man... even just typing those words induces dysphoria I don't experience too often anymore. As a man, however, men interest me greatly. It's more the physical than any sort of emotional connection, I think, because I tend to have far deeper emotional connections in relationships with girls. I'm still figuring it out....

SD

[michael]

this is an interesting thread. thanks for that post Joseph, it's nice to hear how other people feel these desires change in ways that aren't always explainable, but we all may go through them.

i'm not transitioned but tbh not sure i will have hormones anytime soon...i do pass pretty well and been considering seeing what happens if i go out to the city and use a male name.

i had a girlfriend for 4 years, never slept with a guy...did have crushes on them sometimes. and over the years, my body seems to get more male kinda on it's own, and kinda through my own encouragement. after breaking up and moving and some other stuff, i just wasn't attracted to anyone, and girls started fading from my mind entirely when any desire came back. my body, the way people react to me, and who i'm attracted too, have all changed even without T.

like some other people here have mentioned: i didn't know there were gay ftm's for a long time! and when i found online groups, i felt so happy. it's not just that i feel like a gay man sometimes, it's that gay men seem to respond to me. even when i was with my girlfriend, she teased me about how the one gay guy hanging out at the lesbian bar always had to come talk to me, tell me how i looked like his ex, feel my muscles, etc... i enjoyed it.

recently i went to pride and some guys waved me over to their bbq in thier yard. then when i said my name they acted a bit taken aback. one said "eh...but you're cute!"

sometimes it's as hard for me to fathom the situation as it is for all the folks who have questions about it. "what the hell am i thinking?" i'll say to myself. and yet...when i believe that's what i am, the people around me somehow do too. humanity is fascinating. now it's not so hard to fathom or to see that this is how i feel...but what's hard is where to go from there.

[Jamie-o]

when i believe that's what i am, the people around me somehow do too. humanity is fascinating.

It's interesting how that works.  I've found that most often on the occasions when I pass it's when I'm feeling my most male.  That and in Chinese restaurants.    I have a theory about that, but I don't want to hijack this thread any further.

[Arch]

I notice that Mudd never came back...d'you suppose we scared him off?

[Henry Lockhart]

I understand not being comfortable in your skin and needing to be the other gender... but wouldn't it be easier to just be female and not be gay?

Not really. When you are with a guy as a woman, unless the guy is broadminded, you are still going to play as a woman. With a female body. So really, it is not a difficult matter at all. Considering if you don't feel comfortable in your birth body then the feeling is only going to be amplified during intimate situations. At least it is for me.

[Tossu-sama]

I'm in a relationship and engaged to a cisfemale and yet I'm attracted to men, too. Actually, it's easier for me to say what male attributes are attractive compared to female ones. I guess I just have my gay side, lol.

[Tejas]

Okay, I get what you're saying, and it brings up intriguing concepts. But first--we may be female-bodied; but when most of us say that, we're sort of operating on a body-mind split theory: the brain is largely male but the rest of the body is female.

So, let's see. What if sexual orientation is wired into the fetal brain or begins to be wired into the fetal brain at an absurdly early age, right around the time that the FTM fetal brain gets that infusion of T that some scientists theorize about? That's really what you're proposing, isn't it?

So in those infants whose trans-ness was caused (all or mostly) by fetal hormones, maybe some babies would get that infusion before orientation is forming, some during, and some after.

This is assuming, among other things, that sexual attraction is mostly innate and mostly fixed. I don't actually know anything about what I'm talking about. I'm just tossing ideas around.

I should point out that the vast majority of FTMs that I have met in person are attracted to females. A number of those guys are attracted to men in addition to women. Except online, I haven't run into many FTMs who are exclusively attracted to men. So based on my own small sample size, I would guess that either it just seems like lots of guys at Susan's are gay, or social and psychological factors cause gay FTMs to flock here and keep flocking here.

Well, there's one other thing I've noticed. The younger generation seems to have much more fluid perceptions of both gender and sex than my generation did. If younger people are more likely to go online, then there might be more bi and pan people here than in the general population of FTMs. But I don't know about gay FTMs.

Arch, your ideas are very interesting. They made me laugh too, but that's just my weird sense of humor processing the information.

Anyway, the thread's old, but it looks like it was reopened today. Personally, I've always been attracted to men and always will be. I find that the very few women that I have been attracted to are along the lines of androgyns. For me, it's about the energy, and while I respect everyone's individuality, I think romantically, I wouldn't really do well with someone who's "feminine" in mind and spirit. ..If that made any sense.