You know you're middle-aged when...

[Constance]

...your nose hairs are white.

At least just about all the others are still dark brown!

[lisagurl]

I have a friend that was totally white headed at 30 it was real but people thought it was a dye job. I had another bald at 23 naturally no medical problem. I know people in their 70's with natural black hair.

You know you are middle age when you question what you done with your life.

[tekla]

You know your old when you don't even begin to care anymore.

[Bombi]

The mountains don't look that high and the road not as long. decisions are much easier to make

[tekla]

And you've been to enough places so that you have a couple of good spots to stash a body when you need to.

[finewine]

I use a wood chipper, one of those big powerful ones with a large collection bag.  Then it's just a matter of disposing of the mince.  Eat it, sell it, feed it to dogs.  Fat man's liver makes a nice fois gras, pan fried in rosemary and butter with a chilled white demi-sec.

[tekla]

Don't you watch Bones/Law and Order/CSI?  You'll never get all the DNA off the damn chipper - though the scene in Fargo was pretty good.  No, I prefer to stab them through the heart with an icicle which will melt and leave no murder weapon, then - well I live out West, lots and lots and lots of room.

[finewine]

Well any self-respecting homicidal maniac tries to ensure they don't get a forensics team poking around in the first place.  Once that sort of thing happens, the game's probably up anyway.  The icicle method is good but it's feet-first through the chipper for me...can't beat the look on their faces for lulz.

[Darlene]

just some advice. If you use  a chipper make sure the body is completely frozen. It's not quite as messy this way.

[Jamie-o]

Don't you watch Bones/Law and Order/CSI?  You'll never get all the DNA off the damn chipper - though the scene in Fargo was pretty good.  No, I prefer to stab them through the heart with an icicle which will melt and leave no murder weapon, then - well I live out West, lots and lots and lots of room.

So, do you have a special freezer that you keep your icicles in, or do you just convince your victims to take a trip up to Tahoe with you before you kill them?  I guess that would per force make you a seasonal killer, wouldn't it?

[Constance]

Well, I was hoping for a humorous thread, but this wasn't quite what I had in mind...

[tekla]

You don't see the humor in running people though a woodchipper? 

As for Tahoe, you know that's a special case.  The lake is so deep, and so cold that if you're in the right part of it a body sunk will never bloat (pressure and temperature) and hence, never rise to the surface.  True.  Lot's of mob guys took that swim.

On the other hand, at least your nose hairs are living up to your name Shades.

[finewine]

Sorry, some of us apparently have a penchant for somewhat surreal, tasteless humour.  I know there'll always be someone who complains "that's not funny!" for pretty much every form of humour there is...even lollipop stick humour (although in that case, it's true - that stuff really isn't funny).

We'll take our little killing spree out of your thread!

Now, where's my ax...ah there she is! come to daddy....did you miss me? Come and see what I have for you in the basement ... *creak*

[Constance]

Oh, I didn't say that things here weren't funny. It's just not the funny I'd foreseen.

I guess the planets weren't properly in line...

[tekla]

I guess the planets weren't properly in line...

Well get up there and tidy up the universe then.  "Moon, over there!  Mars?  Mars?  MARS!  You listen to me Mars or you'll never work this sky again."

[finewine]

Mars?  Ha!  He's only in this band because he owns the PA

[Constance]

Well get up there and tidy up the universe then.

Well, you don't expect much from F___-up Man, do you?

[tekla]

Mars?  Ha!  He's only in this band because he owns the PA

That's funny, because it's so true.  Hell, even Shades is going to love this one.  I worked a sixties band this spring who shall remain nameless (Moody Blues) and they have two drummers.  One young kid who was really drumming, and the original drummer who I ran spot on all night - easy gig, he hardly ever moved, if he was playing one beat to the kids 20 it would have amazed me.  So I asked one of the crew as were were dragging the show out, like how come he's still doing this?  The answer?  He owns the name.

[Constance]

Oh, man, that's sad-funny.

[Jaimey]

I would just like to point out that wood chippers are for kittens, not people.