Came out to my mom today

[AngelaRedd]

I finally came out to my mom today. It was a combination of being discovered and coming out. She had made a surprise visit to my place and was curious abt the female clothes lying around. I initially thought making up an excuse (which she would have believed) but then decided that if I don't have the courage to say it today; I'll probably never be able to do it.

So I went ahead and told her that I was transgendered and liked being a girl and that I was confused about my identity and my orientation. I expected and outburst but she took it rather well. However, there's a catch. All through our discussion about how I feel; she said that she would accept me if I taken a decision to switch my gender but at the same time she said that this is probably a fleeting phase of my life and tried to convince me that I am meant to be a 'man'.

<<P.S>> A little about my situation: I don't plan to actually transition (transition means legal stuff + fulltime) till am 30. I am 25 now and still finishing my college grad studies. Thus, I want to get some financial independence (among other issues). We also ended up discussing this and she said that wait till 30 before making a decision about transitioning and that I would/should eventually change my mind.

So, although she hasn't accepted me completely, it seems a pretty good start. She is very open about me dressing and says that it is not fine but she is finding it hard to believe about my eventual gender change.

I have hidden a couple of things from her like:
(a) am undergoing electrolysis
(b) about my sexual experiences/experimentation.

I plan to tell her about that slowly so that she can think over stuff and accept me over time. I would love to hear suggestions/comments from the rest of you folks regarding how to go about this

[finewine]

[...] she said that this is probably a fleeting phase of my life and tried to convince me that I am meant to be a 'man'.

A very common psychological coping strategy for dealing with news like this, by trying to convince themself, rather than you, that it's just a temporary thing.  She'll come round once it sinks in that this is real.

[Dana_W]

Sounds like a really great experience. Especially for something so spontaneous. I would take a mother who accepted but who thought I would change my mind over one who rejected me any day.

Also I'm not sure I could ever talk to my mom about my sexual experiences either. Gahh!!

Anyway congrats!

[alhanacherie]

I think it's only natural for your mother to want to believe that this is a temporary thing. It really is a lot for her a person to absorb, being told by her son that he wants to be a girl. She has spent your entire life with hopes and dreams for you, only to have those dreams shaken by what you've revealed to her. Suggesting that you wait until you're 30 before you transition is just another reflection of the fact that she hopes you'll 'grow out of this'. When you transition is a very personal decision, and only you will really know when the right time is. My question is, will you regret waiting until you're 30? Can you endure the next 5 years with gender dysphoric thoughts persistently gnawing at your heart? On the other hand, if you transition now, will you be able to support yourself financially? Do you have enough of a support network? Are you emotionally strong enough? So many difficult questions, which we have all asked ourselves, I think.

As for telling her about your sexual experiences / experimentation? That is none of her business. Even though I haven't come out to my parents yet, I wouldn't dream entering into a discussion with them about what I get up to in bed  .

I think your mum's reaction proves to you that she loves you, and cares about your wellbeing. I can only hope that my mother will react in a similarly calm way when I come out to her. Well done for being brave and sharing your heart with her - it's not always easy to reveal our deepest yearnings to the people we love most.

[tekla]

I think it's only natural for your mother to want to believe that this is a temporary thing.

That's exactly what my mom told my dad about me working with bands.  Thirty years later, three college degrees, two kids, one ex wife - she's still hoping I grow out of it.

[AngelaRedd]

Thanks a lot for the replies

I have been traveling with mom for the last 2-3 days and she has not broached the topic much since then. Though she keeps on dropping hints about cutting down on dressing, etc, etc.

Well the discussion about sexual orientation etc came out as my mom started questioning about that whether I preferred boys or girls and kind of kept pushing on that. I kind of side-tracked through that as I was not prepared to discuss all that in any sense.

As for the waiting till 30, there are certain important issues which I need to deal with now and right now I think I can deal with waiting till then. But, if it becomes unbearable; then I would transition ASAP.

I was expecting an emotional outburst and the response I have got has provided me a lot of courage and also I feel much better now that I have told me. I love my mom a lot

I don't think my dad and brother will be as accepting but then again I am sure when the time comes I will be able to tell them more confidently