Would you consider yourself stealth?

[Nero]

Hey guys and dolls.

Would you consider yourself stealth?

[Wendy1974]

I'm in the middle of my transition so stealth isn't really an option for me at this point. I'm not sure that 'stealth' in the usual sense is even possible anymore. I agree with Matilda though my goal is just to assimilate into society as my true gender. There are always going to be people who know about my past but as time goes on hopefully the number of people who know about it that I deal with on a day to day basis will decrease to single digits. I also didn't vote because I didn't feel any of the categories applied to my situation. Interesting topic as usual though Nero.

[Nero]

For the sake of this thread, I am going to use the term "stealth" although I have to admit that I prefer to say that I have blended in/assimilated as my true gender, and now I have a woman's life.  Simple as that. 

Anyway, only my medical providers, family and boyfriend know my PRIVATE medical history.  My employer, friends, acquaintances, don't know, why should they?  So based on what I have just said, I consider myself to be "stealth".






P.S.  I didn't vote because I didn't see an option that applied to my situation.

added an option. 
Post Merge: July 26, 2009, 05:59:59 PM
also added a 'middle of transition' option. Does that work Wendy? 

[CodyJess]

don't know, don't care. I'm not a social person in 'real life' anyway, so it doesn't matter much. Yes, I am physically a girl. Yes, I think of myself as a man, but why bother trying to explain that to someone? If they're honestly interested, they can look it up online.

Those who 'mistake' me (see me as I see myself) will think I'm a man, and that's great. Those who don't, and ask, can have a very simple and blunt "I dress like this because I want to" and if that's not enough for them, they can take their interfering, nosy ass and ->-bleeped-<- off. 

<-- not the sort who's keen on educating other people at the expense of personal safety.

[Lisbeth]

Most people haven't a clue about my past, or if they do, they're not good at solving puzzles. In either case, I don't much care what people have figured out as long as they treat me with decency.

[Wendy1974]

added an option. 
Post Merge: July 26, 2009, 05:59:59 PM
also added a 'middle of transition' option. Does that work Wendy? 

In that case I just added my vote. Thanks! 

[Janet_Girl]

Middle of transition.  Work knows as do most of my coworkers, I have been there forever.  Doctors know, of course.  Close friends and ex of course know.  And my partner know too.

I am not out and proud, but I am not 'stealth' ether.  Like Matilda said I just blend in.  If they guess or have a remote idea, I really done care.  I am just another woman trying to get by.



Janet

[K8]

Don't know don't care.  I'm still early in transition (3 months) and so most people I deal with day-to-day know of my history.  At the same time, most everyone I deal with day-to-day accepts me as a woman or as a neo-woman.  I think some people think I'm a fulltime crossdresser, but they don't seem to have a problem with that and may not know the difference. 

I'm just me, and people accept that.  (And I am finally very happy being me. )

- Kate

[FairyGirl]

I am not out and proud, but I am not 'stealth' ether.  Like Matilda said I just blend in.  If they guess or have a remote idea, I really done care.  I am just another woman trying to get by.

agree with this for me too. Most everyone who knows me already knows I'm transitioning anyway so no "stealth" there, just out and my friends have been awesome about it. To the general public I'm full time and not having any issues with it so don't really know or care. I find most people to be just as courteous to me as they are going to be to anyone anyway.

[Randy]

I voted, out and proud ! I'm not stealth in the least bit. I won't go around introducing myself as a transsexual, but in most situations I don't have any qualms about outing myself if the subject comes up. But sometimes it does get a little complicated... Like, for example, at work it's hard to keep track of who knows what. Some people know I'm trans, some know I'm gay, some know I'm gay and trans, and some know nothing. But people talk, so I'm sure there are people who at least suspect more than they're willing to ask. I try to answer their questions as best I can in hopes that I might then be able to project an image of (relative) normality on the subject for them, and help them to understand us better.

At this point in my life I can't see myself going stealth, but I wonder if by the time I've had surgery (and my legal gender changed) and been on T a bit longer I'll still feel the same way. The fact that I am gay  and therefore will be involved in the LGBT community stealth or not makes it a little easier. Not to say that gays don't do their share of discriminating against trans people, but in general, I'd think that a gay man would be more open to the concept than a straight one.

[Mister]

I chose the closest option, but reality is that besides my family (who is 3000 miles away), my doctor, my girlfriend and one friend, I am stealth.

[Julie Marie]

You'd have to ask the people I interact with.

When I'm out I just go about my things and do whatever I need to do.  Sometimes I think someone might look at me kinda funny but who knows, there may be a bird about ready to crap on my head.

Today we played golf with a couple we were paired up with there and I have no idea what they knew or didn't know.  Five hours on the course and over an hour in the clubhouse and neither of us can say if we were read or not.  Either they didn't care or they didn't know.  All I know is we had a really nice time with them and they want to play again.

So it's tough to tell sometimes.  And you'll never hear me ask, "Hey! Did you know I was trans?" 

[SarahFaceDoom]

I'm definitely not stealth.  Though when my personal safety is at stake I am.  But everyone at my work, all of my family and friends--they know my gender history.  And it's fine.  It's just an interesting thing about me, like that I'm left handed.

Also since I'm pre-op/non-op-ish it allows my girlfriend and I a lot of options in the bedroom, because we are both very comfortable with ourselves and very secure in our gender and sexuality(she's lesbian,  I'm bi).

I've sometimes accidentally ended up in situations where I was stealth, and I hate them, because I'm always worried the person will find out and think I misled them, when that's not the case.  But I do try to be as upfront as possible about my gender history.  It's nothing to be ashamed of, in my opinion. 

I also feel like I'm a semi-effective advocate for trans people, because I don't embody a stereotype, I'm easy to get along with, and am just in general a cool girl.  Most of the time people who are initially upset about it, once they get to be around me, they end up loving me.

[Kevin]

I would consider myself stealth... and I was born/live in Ohio. No one knows except the people who knew me before that I still talk to and my family.

I can't think of the last time I needed to show anyone my birth certificate other than when I had to use it for my name change and when I signed up to play ball when I was 9. It is a pain that Ohio won't even change your NAME on your BC, let alone the sex, but I think it can be worked around. They will change your ID info here, and I eventually plan on getting a passport to use in place of my BC.

(I actually haven't yet been able to change the sex legally on my ID here because I don't have the money for surgery yet, but as far as I know no one notices/cares and if someone ever does notice it's a funny typo that I never noticed before. So my answer doesn't change.)

Once in a while I'll hear something about Ohio or one of the other 2 or 3 states like it, and about how it's "impossible" here. Like I said, it is a huge pain compared to most states, I'm pretty sure I've heard of people being able to get married here after getting their IDs changed and all of that taken care of, despite the BC not being able to be changed. But I can't believe they won't let us change anything on the BC...

[Jamie-o]

It's going to be quite some time before I have the option of going stealth, and I really don't know what I'll decide at that point.  I've gone back and forth on the issue.  If I stay here in this small town, I doubt I'll have a choice.    People talk.  But I might move back to Chicago, at which point I'll have to make a decision.

[Miniar]

I don't think I'll ever be "stealth"..
I mean,.. I won't be shouting it from the rooftops, but I won't avoid it, won't hide it..

[sneakersjay]

I'm out on a need to know basis: family, friends, work (transitioned on the job), doctors.  I don't advertise, nor do I feel a need to tell acquaintances, store clerks, etc.

I'm out when I want but as Matilda said, I have pretty much assimilated and live my life as male.  Actually other than when I'm on trans sites online or at group I don't really think about being trans, or that I transitioned.  I'm just me and comfortable being myself.  I like how I look now, I like how I feel now.  That's all that matters.


Jay

[Sandy]

I don't wear a sign around my neck, but I don't hide it either.

In my day to day life, most people do not know.  It was an interesting moment at work when a lunch time conversation turned to a discussion about my transition and one of the people there, who started after I came out, was amazed/flabbergasted/incredulous that I was ever male.

As Julie said, it really isn't something that you can easily slip into a conversation.  If someone asks, I give them a direct answer.  I don't dodge or weave.  I'm not about to give up living one lie to live another. 

So the most appropriate answer is "Out and Proud".  Because I am that.

-Sandy

[myles]

I just am what I am. I am now meeting people for the first time and they will always have known me as male, and most are clueless about my past. I do have a 9 and 10 year old  kids and stealth is not an option there. They still call me mom on accident at times or say dad and she. I am just moving forward and starting my life as a male, will be interesting to see how I would answer this question in 10 years.
Cheers,
Myles

[Nathan.]

I'm not stealth, I can't be because I don't pass (i'm pre everything) so if I want people to treat me like the guy I am I have to out myself.

If and when I pass I don't see myself being stealth either. We will see.