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What do/did you want out of transition?

Started by Anaya, August 04, 2009, 07:05:19 PM

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Anaya

August 04, 2009, 07:05:19 PM
Yay, i still knew my login data :P it has been quite a while

well there probably already is a thread asking the same, but paranoia won't let me have the time to search (i've got my parents next door. sheesh i'm not used to that anymore) :P

oook so i went to this therapist for the first (actually second and probably second to last) time. I'm not going back because i actually live in another country where im planning on going to another one, but my parents wanted it and i just did them the favor.
So i explained to her why i'm such a mess and apparently she actually knows something about transsexuality.
Anyway she asked a couple of questions to which i just drew a blank or i just felt too embarassed to answer. I mean, i know i've thought about it before, but i don't know, i just couldn't remember what i thought nor what i felt at the moment... *sigh*

so to basically the question "what do you want out of transition" i just thought: well, freedom.
I don't think my lifestyle won't change a lot. I mean i'll do the same thing as always, just as a woman. I think i just want to shed this weight and all the secrecy, say what i want and not what i'm supposed to say, like what i want and not what i'm supposed to like, i want to express myself as a woman and look that way.
I'd love for my body to become feminine (i can't say i love anything about my male body, i guess i tolerate it. I don't think i can return it and ask for another one), but i wouldn't say i hate my penis, it's just an annoying thing dangling down there, not really a part of me, which i could do without but is useful in the sense that it allows me to go to the bathroom without the line of people waiting.
i don't know, i just think i'd be happier.

what did you all expect from transitioning?

mmh, paranoia waning, i might just browse some other threads :)
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Calistine

#1
August 04, 2009, 07:13:24 PM
Simply all I want is to feel comfortable in my body.
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Anaya

#2
August 04, 2009, 07:31:47 PM
bleh, i notice i didn't know exactly what i wanted to ask :P

actually it's about what did you expect to change, to be different once you transition. Or something like that... my, i'm sleepy ...

but on the comfortable thing: I don't know if i can say that. No, i don't actually know what that would mean. I think i might be comfortable, just as wearing an old pair of jeans and a random t-shirt with some awful design is comfortable: sure it might look horrible and might not be what i would want to wear outside of my privacy, but it's enough for a lazy uncomplicated day.
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sneakersjay

#3
August 04, 2009, 07:35:20 PM
To finally just BE MYSELF.



Jay


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Janet_Girl

#5
August 04, 2009, 08:31:46 PM
To be as I should have been at birth.  Complete and whole.

Janet
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Dana_W

#6
August 04, 2009, 10:37:34 PM
Actually I think you did a pretty decent job describing it yourself...

Quote from: Anaya on August 04, 2009, 07:05:19 PM
so to basically the question "what do you want out of transition" i just thought: well, freedom.
I don't think my lifestyle won't change a lot. I mean i'll do the same thing as always, just as a woman. I think i just want to shed this weight and all the secrecy, say what i want and not what i'm supposed to say, like what i want and not what i'm supposed to like, i want to express myself as a woman and look that way.

I have a lot of the same kinds of thoughts. And if I have to sum it up in one word (which I don't but I'm going to anyway) it's: Honesty.

The MAIN feeling I get as I move forward with transition is one of relief. I finally get to stop pretending I'm this guy who has always been cool with all this guy stuff. In fact it has been a HUGE stresser to me to keep up that pretense, and it's only gotten worse the longer it's gone on. With transition I can finally be honest about this feeling. Others may not understand it but at least I won't have to keep pretending around them. And as I achieve the ability to live more honestly - acting like I really feel I ought to act, in the gender role I've always felt inside - that should make me happier. It's working really well toward that end so far, so I don't think I'm way off anyway.
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Julie Marie

#7
August 04, 2009, 10:52:18 PM
Quote from: Anaya on August 04, 2009, 07:05:19 PMwhat did you all expect from transitioning?

Inner peace.  And I got it.
When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself.
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LordKAT

#8
August 05, 2009, 01:02:02 AM
To not feel like I'm an alien.
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Miniar

#9
August 05, 2009, 12:53:46 PM
I want to be able to feel less betrayed by my body, and more like I can look in the mirror and see the man I am, looking back at me.



"Everyone who has ever built anywhere a new heaven first found the power thereto in his own hell" - Nietzsche
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Silver

#10
August 05, 2009, 02:39:00 PM
To become the man I've always been meant to become and to be seen as I really feel I am.

SilverFang
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K8

#11
August 06, 2009, 06:41:51 PM
To use some of what the others have said: Inner peace, congruence, to be comfortable with myself, to live honestly with myself and with others, to relate to others as a woman (it's already happening and is very different and wonderful).

When the GID would hit me, I would always cry: I just want balance.  Becoming Kate, I am finding that balance at last. ;D

- Kate
Life is a pilgrimage.
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Miniar

#12
August 07, 2009, 08:44:40 AM
Balance is a good word. Yeah... that's what I want.. balance.



"Everyone who has ever built anywhere a new heaven first found the power thereto in his own hell" - Nietzsche
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Imadique

#13
August 07, 2009, 09:02:33 PM
Quote from: Zelane on August 04, 2009, 07:36:54 PM
Peace.

+ 1

I wanted it to be the cure to my social maladjustment and phobia's.
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Natasha

#14
August 08, 2009, 10:54:22 AM
dresses, makeup, shoes.  it's all about the clothes! ::)
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Teknoir

#15
August 09, 2009, 06:31:38 AM
I want the world to see me as I see myself. I expect to be seen as just another guy, and treated as such. I see it as changing my external appearence to reflect my internal appearence.
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cindianna_jones

#16
August 09, 2009, 01:21:34 PM
I wanted that freakin voice in my head to stop!  That's pretty much it.

And guess what..... it worked. It created many other problems, but I was able to resolve most of them on my own.

Chin up!

Cindi
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Northern Jane

#17
August 09, 2009, 04:06:23 PM
I wanted a normal life, one that fit me, and that's what I got. The last 35 years haven't been all peaches and cream but the worst days are still better than the best days from before.
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Anaya

#18
August 10, 2009, 06:57:41 AM
Quote from: Natasha on August 08, 2009, 10:54:22 AM
dresses, makeup, shoes.  it's all about the clothes! ::)
finally an honest answer! of course it's about all the pretty clothes! :P

thank you all. i can really relate to all that was expressed. well, except the wanting to be a man part... and the part about having achieved it (babysteps... babysteps)
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Renate

#19
August 10, 2009, 07:12:19 AM
Quote from: Natasha on August 08, 2009, 10:54:22 AM
dresses, makeup, shoes.  it's all about the clothes! ::)

Dresses: Yes, I've got a couple.
Makeup: Something you rush to do at the last minute before charging off to work.
Shoes: Mainly sneakers because I value my foot health over style.
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