Yay, i still knew my login data it has been quite a while

well there probably already is a thread asking the same, but paranoia won't let me have the time to search (i've got my parents next door. sheesh i'm not used to that anymore)

oook so i went to this therapist for the first (actually second and probably second to last) time. I'm not going back because i actually live in another country where im planning on going to another one, but my parents wanted it and i just did them the favor.
So i explained to her why i'm such a mess and apparently she actually knows something about transsexuality.
Anyway she asked a couple of questions to which i just drew a blank or i just felt too embarassed to answer. I mean, i know i've thought about it before, but i don't know, i just couldn't remember what i thought nor what i felt at the moment... *sigh*

so to basically the question "what do you want out of transition" i just thought: well, freedom.
I don't think my lifestyle won't change a lot. I mean i'll do the same thing as always, just as a woman. I think i just want to shed this weight and all the secrecy, say what i want and not what i'm supposed to say, like what i want and not what i'm supposed to like, i want to express myself as a woman and look that way.
I'd love for my body to become feminine (i can't say i love anything about my male body, i guess i tolerate it. I don't think i can return it and ask for another one), but i wouldn't say i hate my penis, it's just an annoying thing dangling down there, not really a part of me, which i could do without but is useful in the sense that it allows me to go to the bathroom without the line of people waiting.
i don't know, i just think i'd be happier.

what did you all expect from transitioning?

mmh, paranoia waning, i might just browse some other threads

Simply all I want is to feel comfortable in my body.

bleh, i notice i didn't know exactly what i wanted to ask

actually it's about what did you expect to change, to be different once you transition. Or something like that... my, i'm sleepy ...

but on the comfortable thing: I don't know if i can say that. No, i don't actually know what that would mean. I think i might be comfortable, just as wearing an old pair of jeans and a random t-shirt with some awful design is comfortable: sure it might look horrible and might not be what i would want to wear outside of my privacy, but it's enough for a lazy uncomplicated day.

To finally just BE MYSELF.



Jay

Peace.

To be as I should have been at birth.  Complete and whole.

Janet

Actually I think you did a pretty decent job describing it yourself...

Quote from: Anaya on August 04, 2009, 07:05:19 PM
so to basically the question "what do you want out of transition" i just thought: well, freedom.
I don't think my lifestyle won't change a lot. I mean i'll do the same thing as always, just as a woman. I think i just want to shed this weight and all the secrecy, say what i want and not what i'm supposed to say, like what i want and not what i'm supposed to like, i want to express myself as a woman and look that way.

I have a lot of the same kinds of thoughts. And if I have to sum it up in one word (which I don't but I'm going to anyway) it's: Honesty.

The MAIN feeling I get as I move forward with transition is one of relief. I finally get to stop pretending I'm this guy who has always been cool with all this guy stuff. In fact it has been a HUGE stresser to me to keep up that pretense, and it's only gotten worse the longer it's gone on. With transition I can finally be honest about this feeling. Others may not understand it but at least I won't have to keep pretending around them. And as I achieve the ability to live more honestly - acting like I really feel I ought to act, in the gender role I've always felt inside - that should make me happier. It's working really well toward that end so far, so I don't think I'm way off anyway.

Quote from: Anaya on August 04, 2009, 07:05:19 PMwhat did you all expect from transitioning?

Inner peace.  And I got it.

To not feel like I'm an alien.

I want to be able to feel less betrayed by my body, and more like I can look in the mirror and see the man I am, looking back at me.

To become the man I've always been meant to become and to be seen as I really feel I am.

SilverFang

To use some of what the others have said: Inner peace, congruence, to be comfortable with myself, to live honestly with myself and with others, to relate to others as a woman (it's already happening and is very different and wonderful).

When the GID would hit me, I would always cry: I just want balance.  Becoming Kate, I am finding that balance at last.

- Kate

Balance is a good word. Yeah... that's what I want.. balance.

Quote from: Zelane on August 04, 2009, 07:36:54 PM
Peace.

+ 1

I wanted it to be the cure to my social maladjustment and phobia's.

dresses, makeup, shoes.  it's all about the clothes!

I want the world to see me as I see myself. I expect to be seen as just another guy, and treated as such. I see it as changing my external appearence to reflect my internal appearence.

I wanted that freakin voice in my head to stop!  That's pretty much it.

And guess what..... it worked. It created many other problems, but I was able to resolve most of them on my own.

Chin up!

Cindi

I wanted a normal life, one that fit me, and that's what I got. The last 35 years haven't been all peaches and cream but the worst days are still better than the best days from before.

Quote from: Natasha on August 08, 2009, 10:54:22 AM
dresses, makeup, shoes.  it's all about the clothes!

finally an honest answer! of course it's about all the pretty clothes!

thank you all. i can really relate to all that was expressed. well, except the wanting to be a man part... and the part about having achieved it (babysteps... babysteps)

Quote from: Natasha on August 08, 2009, 10:54:22 AM
dresses, makeup, shoes.  it's all about the clothes!

Dresses: Yes, I've got a couple.
Makeup: Something you rush to do at the last minute before charging off to work.
Shoes: Mainly sneakers because I value my foot health over style.