The Woman You Thought You'd Be vs. The Woman You Became

[Naturally Blonde]

I've been on HRT for over a decade and with my clothes off I still look like I have a guys body which to me which is very depressing. I have no hips, no butt, hardly any breast growth and skinny legs. If I became a woman overnight I would be the first to celebrate!

[metal angel]

Well, I didn't really have high expectations for HRT so it's all been a bonus, I suppose. I have had some decent fat redistribution and my breasts are okay-ish. I don't really care about having huge knockers.  They always seemed like a bad back waiting to happen in my eyes.

yeah, as a biofemale with "a bad back waiting to happen", trust me, you don't want any more than a C.
Post Merge: August 24, 2009, 06:09:16 AM

Frankly, if people are low-balling their estimate because telling women they look older than they are is a faux pas -- hey, that's fine with me. Either I look younger than I am, or they are treating me like any other woman. Either way, I win.

i love that attitude... can i borrow it?

[maidenprincess]

My expectations weren't necessarily physical.  I thought I'd be an outgoing, friendly, well-liked chica, but instead I'm very reserved, quiet, and boring, lol.  I suppose I can work to change that, but it's the kind of woman I ended up being rather than wanting to be.  I'm shy to a fault.  I avoid social situations like the plague.

I've been on hormones for about a year now.  I knew going into this I'd have minimal breast growth, but I can get a little cleavage if I wear a really good push up bra.  Ha.  I'm deathly thin right now though, lost some weight being sick when I need to gain!  I wanted to be a more developed woman, but I'm starving model thin and it makes me self-conscious, especially because I eat all day!

[sweetstars]

I am pretty much what I thought I be except I have wavy hair bordering on curly, which is kind of annoying.

Breast development and HRT was kind to me...small C cup here and this is on a relitively small frame.
I did have FFS, but honestly I had a fairly minimal proceedure compared to what most get.
SRS of course was a necessity.

Oh, I guess the one surprising thing is I am in a long term relationship with a guy.  Didn't see that one coming.  Didn't think I would be sexual to be honest.

Most expectations have been met to be honest.

[Naturally Blonde]

Very disappointed. No reasonable breast growth, no hips ,no butt and no realistic changes in fat distribution. After a decade of being on HRT you would never know I was ever on the stuff. I have had to over compensate with other things and I don't think I can say the 'woman I became' because for me it hasn't happened yet..

I think many are dillusional in their perspective or just easily pleased.

[sweetstars]

Very disappointed. No reasonable breast growth, no hips ,no butt and no realistic changes in fat distribution. After a decade of being on HRT you would never know I was ever on the stuff. I have had to over compensate with other things and I don't think I can say the 'woman I became' because for me it hasn't happened yet..

I think many are dillusional in their perspective or just easily pleased.

Peoples experiences are going to vary.  Most trans women I met ultimately did opt for BA, including young trans women, there is a phrase...your mileage may vary.  I heard only 1 in 6 trans women who start hormones after puberty get past tanner stage IV, if they even get that far.  I personally am one of the rare cases, but I am also intersex and started HRT before the age of 30.  If you started past 35...realistically one should expect very little if anything, no matter how long you are on HRT.  If you have not seen changes it is probably the result of bad genetics. 

[Alyssa M.]

NB -- in another topic, you say "no matter if I'm out in the garden in my jeans and wellies or rolling out of bed and opening the door to the mail man in my nightshirt I usually get called darling," but you claim here (twice in as many posts) that you look like a guy and are horribly dissatified with HRT.So you neither understand why some people might be happy being read as female without putting in a lot of effort to their appearance, nor understand how people might be satisfied that they don't have to?

I'm sorry, but something doesn't compute. Whom exactly are you calling delusional? Those of us that are happy with our appearance, or those who aren't?

[Naturally Blonde]

NB -- in another topic, you say "no matter if I'm out in the garden in my jeans and wellies or rolling out of bed and opening the door to the mail man in my nightshirt I usually get called darling," but you claim here (twice in as many posts) that you look like a guy and are horribly dissatified with HRT.So you neither understand why some people might be happy being read as female without putting in a lot of effort to their appearance, nor understand how people might be satisfied that they don't have to?

I'm sorry, but something doesn't compute. Whom exactly are you calling delusional? Those of us that are happy with our appearance, or those who aren't?

I thought some forum members would pick up on that one and Alyssa you are quite right to question what would appear to be conflicting messages. I am percieved as female to the casual observer and did get taken as female quite a lot prior to transition. This is probably down to my small facial feature's, long hair, high voice and I'm not tall. But I don't have the figure or shape of a female. I did think (and many friends thought also) that I was perfect material for a transition. But as time went on I did get depressed because my breast development was very limited and I didn't see any fat re-distribution. I've been on HRT for over 10 years but I think with my clothes off my body looks male, but I don't look male facially which kind of throws the dice in the right direction most of the time.

The second comment I made that you've pointed out about some people being delusional and it does happen. They start to take HRT and think more is happening than it actually is. But every case is very different and my dillusional statement wasn't aimed at anyone in this particular forum but more an observasion regarding some T girls I've met personally in the past. 

[Alyssa M.]

Okay, that makes sense. My own experience is that things are in flux so much right now that I have no idea how people see me, so my own self-image flips back and forth a lot. If I seem to be delusional in thinking I'm beautiful one minute, the next minute I'll be a wreck and think I shouldn't be seen in public except in a burqa. But my experience with HRT has been pretty dead on my expectations so far, and my endo agrees, so at least that much I think I can trust.

[metal angel]

I imagine to get breast growth you'd need more than just the female hormones, or bio-women's breasts would keep growing indefinitely. women can get a bit of breast enlargement on the contraceptive pill, but only one cup-size.

Maybe you need something else that's around during puberty. Taking a stab in the dark maybe growth hormone? but an M2F obviously wouldn't want to be taking growth hormone, because it causes the jaw to become more angular, increased muscle development etc. lots of unwanted effects.

So the poster who said that starting later you shouldn't get your hopes up you're probably right. You probably have a bit of lee-way though. Biological females go through puberty earlier than males. Biological males keep developing until at least their mid twenties (i know my boyfriend has got broader shoulders in the years since we started going out, he hasn't been doing weights, and i'm no cradle snatcher). So you have a bit longer after female puberty when your biologically male body is still in growth mode and will grow in ways you want it to.

Fat distribution i would have thought would work ok though? Bio-women start getting less hour-glass shaped at menopause, so i would have thought that reacted pretty fast to hormones. Maybe you need to compare to the women in your family?

does my arm-chair endocrinology seem to match people's experience?

[heatherrose]

I'm now less confused, a big thank you hug for all you guys and girls
or at least a bit less destressed by my confusion. But i am even more curious...
it's like any form of science... every one answer inspires many more questions...

...and you now have the intestinal fortitude to seek the answers.
Welcome to this oasis in your decent into the rabbit hole.

[cindybc]

Hi all, just happen to be passing through and this topic caught my attention and scanned though the postings.

The woman you thought you'd be I don't believe ever turns out to be the woman you became, and such is life, eh.

Well of course what I had first imagined and pictured myself to be physically before I began transitioning certainly didn't turn out to be who I am today, ten years later, although I pass quite well.

You see when you undergo transitioning from M/F and I believe it is probably the same for a F/M, your whole entire innerself also undergoes a transitional period. And sometimes the inner-one is much more difficult to deal with then the outside or physical one. It is like maturing from childhood to adult hood in the span of two years. Being pulled through a knot hole backwards like my mate says.

A good illustration of this is in this post that Maggie wrote.

On the relationship side, my wife has become a rather irritable sister to me who occasionally jabs me.  While we live in the same house, we live like unrelated housemates.  We plan to stay together for convenience sake but little else.  I am incredibly lonely as I am a very emotional and sensitive person who needs intimacy with a spouse.  I still identify as a lesbian but I do now understand why some men are attractive.  In the right situation, I could see myself intimate with a man but the idea pales in contrast to a woman.

So, in summary, I am more feminine and pass better than I thought I would but I am still not satisfied with what I hoped for.

Maggie hon it is how you feel about who you are inside that counts, pitz on everyone else and their canoes they came in on.

Love
Cindy

[xsocialworker]

I always felt that GID was keeping me back and I could never be the man I could be let alone the woman I wanted to be (like Hilary Clinton or Nancy Pelosi). After transitioning I did become briefly the woman I thought I should be. I sat on multiple government boards and made frequent trips for the Feds to DC. I conducted training for the State. I was a frequent keynote speaker. I hobnobed with politicians and even the cops. Sadly it came to an end when the grant expired and now I'm just Grandma which is a real big deal.

[cindybc]

Sounds about right xsocialworker, meet another xsocialworker 

I just believe that the rough times in my past leading to my transition was like I were being led to where I was supposed to be. Sooner or later I had to become myself, it was inevitable. One cannot live not being who they know themselves to be deep within, it is a soul depth instinct.

I was a social worker for 20 years, and a damned good one who was dedicated to his the first ten years and hers on the last ten years.

I am now retired but still do volunteer work at a local woman's shelter for a couple of days per week. Today I am content with my accomplishments and I enjoy sharing my life's experiences if I believe it will help another. My life's experience is so varied that my story can be easily applied as a teaching tool for both the TS community as easily with the cisgendered.

I don't even give it a second thought anymore in allowing my feelings to flow where ever required. Feelings I was never able to express before, and had to keep to myself, suppressing them way down deep inside. But this world failed to kill them in my previous life, because I refused to let that happen.

Love,
Cindy

[tunak]

Ladies your stories motivates me thank you!

[pamshaw]

After 9 months on HRT my mental changes have been wonderful. I feel femmine in every way and have completely eliminated male type thoughts. I am not aggressive and I am at peace with my female self. I have always been a woman inside and now I have completely accepted and am very happy with my womanhood. Physically things are going well with facial hair and slow breast being the only problem. I am going to Texas shortly to fix the beard problem. My physical characteristics have helped greatly as I have small bones and at 5'7" and 140Lbs, I am in the normal female range. Even though I am older I am happy with my progress. I plan SRS and will have an orci shortly. My biggest regret is not accepting my womanhood years ago but it is never to late to find your true self. I feel so happy when I get up every morning and look at my femmine hairless body and enjoy putting on my makeup and dressing for the day. I have not been sirred in months. I love being a woman.


Pam

[xsocialworker]

Yeah. Thanks Pam. Guess there is more to being a woman than being a hard-nosed community activist. OMG!