Who Did Your Relate To When You Were Young?

[K8]

Looking back, my mother was very important to me, but my father was just there.  (A nice guy, but he didn't make a big impression on me.)  Also very important were my grandmother (but not my grandfather), my best friend's mother (but not her father), and the mother of my friend across the street (but not his father).

Hmmm, is there a pattern here?

What adults were important to you when you were a child?

- Kate

[maidenprincess]

I think my mother was the most important person in my life as a child, and she still is now that I'm an adult.  She always defended me against my father when he'd make snide comments on my girliness and made me cut my hair.  She let me do whatever I wanted, and I think that helped me have a smooth transition later on because when I figured out what I needed and wanted to do, I did it with no problems.  My parents divorced when I was in high school, so I was glad my father moved away and I could rest easy without his judgment.

As far as other adults I related to... maybe my aunt, for being a city girl and fashionista.  My mother always tells me I'm just like her cuz we're both such snobs, haha.   My grandma loved me as well.  I was her favorite grandchild, and yes, she played favorites in a very obvious way.  My poor brother and cousin...    She was the only adult who let me play with Barbies!

I think the last person I'll comment on was my first grade teacher.  She always told me she saw something special in me and she always pushed me to do well in school.  I think that was significant because it was someone outside of my family who really cared about me.  I got a card recently from her with a picture of when I was little that she has kept this whole time!  I was surprised, but it also made me smile, because I've come such a long way.

[Walter]

My brother was and still is very important to me. He's the one I look up to and go to for help in whatever it may be. When my b/f broke up with me a couple years ago, my brother was the first person I went to. He hugged me and let me cry on his shoulder. Then me and him watched South Park that night to ease the pain :3

My brother has his douchey child-like days. But in the end, he's a good brother

[FairyGirl]

My father was intolerably cruel to me most of my childhood so I guess I related more to my mother, but even she had her moments. This is academic now as their attitudes considerably improved after I was grownup- my father is now deceased and I love my mother very much. But as a young child I think I related the most to my grandmother, who seemed to understand my gender issues even at a very early age and would let me dress up occasionally when she kept me while my parents worked.

[Stephanie2664]

Wow.  A very interesting question.  After reading the current replies I sat back to ponder this.  At first I realized that I did not relate to anyone when I was younger.  My father was very strict and pushed me to be the 'all-american jock' like he had been.  At best I was mediocre.  My mother (and her side of the family) had moved away soon after my father got custody of me when I was 4, so they weren't in the picture.  I was never very close to my fathers parents, so they are out.

Perhaps my Great Grandmother (fathers mothers mother).  She has always been somewhere in my thoughts and even though she died when I was fairly young (10-ish) I do remember her as always being supportive - in a general way - and very loving towards me.  You see, my family has always been very clique-ish.  My Aunt, and her family, got most of the attention from my grandparents, when they were alive, and my father got basically the scraps.  Though again, I do not remember my Great Grandmother as choosing favorites.

As for neighbors, teachers, etc... I was basically the ultimate loner and did not have any more contact with those types of people than I had to during the course of a day, so they do not stand out.

Embarrassingly, Wonder Woman and Cat Woman probably had more of an impact on my childhood than any actual person.  I am not really sure what this says about the person I have become, but it is what it is...

[Janet_Girl]

Nice bike, Kate.  I am so jealous now.    And Heather says "You go Girl" 

I would have to say that most of the women in my life were the ones I related to.  Especially my Mom, my Aunt Clara, and my grandmother ( Dad's Mom ).  My Mom's Mom had long since passed away, and I never got to know her.

Janet
Post Merge: August 29, 2009, 06:11:49 PM
Nice bike, Kate.  I am so jealous now.    And Heather says "You go Girl" 

I would have to say that most of the women in my life were the ones I related to.  Especially my Mom, my Aunt Clara, and my grandmother ( Dad's Mom ).  My Mom's Mom had long since passed away, and I never got to know her.

Janet

[Jamie-o]

Although I have always been closer to my mom, I always identified more with my dad.  I also had an older cousin whom I worshiped as a child, and I think he had a big influence on how I turned out.

[LordKAT]

No one really. I was hated equally by all, Some just acted out on it more than others is all.

[DawnL]

My mother, my grandmother, and my aunt in that order.  My father traveled frequently and was never closely involved with any of the children.  I have always been more comfortable in the company of women.

[Chrissty]

Never really thought about this much, but I think it would be my Mother and one of my Aunts.

I also know that my mother ws sure she was going to have a girl for some reason, so I was a bit of a surprise...then..

Chrissty

[Kara]

I always found Agent Scully of the X-Files very relatable. I always disagreed with everyone and never got anywhere with my arguments. I often find fictional characters resonate more with me (especially female characters) than real people, because the women I meet irl over here aren't much like me.

And yeah, that's an awesome bike Kate. What did you get, Suzuki?

[sd]

My mom by far, we have always been great together.

My father, I didn't get along with him well as a child and later in life was no better.
My grandfather served as a father figure to me and while he served a major and important role (he taught me a lot), I related to my mother and grandmother better.

[Natasha]

Who Did Your Relate To When You Were Young?

mother.

[MasterAsh]

I can't really say I related to any family member when younger. My father's. . .unpleasantness aside, I grew up building walls between myself and others, both consciously and subconsciously. I know I never felt the way about family as I observed other children did. I never felt a closeness other than the recognition of inherited physical traits. I wondered at times if I was adopted or inhuman.

As an adult, I recognize my mother indeed influenced my general attitude and world outlook significantly more than any other family member. Yet, even now I still can't say I relate that much to her. She possesses an extra layer of compassion and patience with people I can't comprehend. It's not that I have neither; her range simply extends further than mine, likely due to having some form of faith.

Beyond family, I acknowledge two important people to my development, people who recognized my capacities in whatever was relevant and encouraged me, people with attitudes and outlooks I admired. They were both male, but thinking back now they filled the role in my life that my father didn't or didn't fill adequately or appropriately. Despite this, I wouldn't say I relate to either of them.

Truth be told. . .I can only think of one person at all. I was 17 and she was 16 when we met. My friendship with her was what first prompted me to question who I was, as I found so much of myself in her that I could no longer accept I was the person everyone saw. I knew it never really fit before, but it was my time with her that allowed me to realize that the boy people saw indeed was not me.

[Julie Marie]

When I was very young, pre-kindergarten, I was strongly attached to my mom.  I really don't remember a lot of my dad being in my every day life except at dinner and times like that.  As I got older I started to fear my dad and tried to avoid him.  But I also don't remember being so attached to my mom then either.  My sister and I played together a lot.

I've looked back a lot on my younger years and see a kid who eventually created a distance between her and everyone else because she knew she was different.  It saddens me that I couldn't trust anyone with my "secret".

As far as relating, I guess I really didn't relate to anyone, but I did want my parents to be proud of me, especially my dad because he was so hard to please.

Julie

[Jeatyn]

I always looked up to my older brother, we ended up not seeing each other for around 6 years when he moved to cyprus; when he moved back to England people would comment on how shockingly similar we had become even though we hadn't spoken to each other in years.

Sadly we don't speak now, he only lives down the road, but he's turned into a huge jackass

[Debra]

My father could do no wrong. He was my idol so-to-speak. I wanted to be just like him.

As I grew up that changed some but not much.

My mom and I have/had a weird relationship. Through counseling I've come to understand that I was a "dismissive child" and I believe it's because she was so anxious throughout pregnancy and into the first 6 mo of my life. She did want a girl and I was her first born, a boy. I think all of these factors have led me to try to be "strong" for her and protect her from harm which included knowing my feelings and the fact that I longed to please her and be recognized by her but I became independent and tried to live without her recognition/love.

Even now, I've told her about my desire to transition but I never ever mentioned that she might be part of the reason why because she could very well suicide over it.

At my wedding, we did the mother/son dance and I sang to her "the Momma song" by BoyzIImen and I couldn't then and still can't sing that without bawling my eyes out. I always just thought it was because it reminded me of her but now I think it has to do with something much more deep inside me.

[Miniar]

I honestly didn't look more up to one parent than the other. Honestly, now that I think about it, I realize that I didn't spend all that much time with either of them at the time.
Dad left when I was six. Or rather, he and mom got into their first and last serious fight and split up after it. Mum ended up with a sprained wrist and has never forgiven dad for that, the fight, or what the fight was over (woman can REALLY hold a grudge!), Dad on the other hand still cares about mum and believes she saved his life, and so walked away quietly when told to leave. He gives her space and avoids coming up here when she's in town even.

Anyway.  Dad left, and mom had to work. Top it off with migranes and backpains and my mom was "away" a fair bit too.
Dad'd come up on holidays and my older brother was around, so that was my "male rolemodels", I had good teachers and mum would sit with us at the dinner table, so that was my "female rolemodels".
If anything, the men in my life were more "passive" than the women.

I don't believe I really looked up to anyone all that much.

[Nero]

Dad before puberty. When it finally set in that I could never, ever be him or anything remotely close to him, I started rejecting traditional masculinity and started valuing traits closer to my realm of possibility.

While I never had any female role models per se (I just couldn't relate to women in that context), my Mother became increasingly important and precious to me the older I got.

So Dad as child, Mom as an adult.

[MaggieB]

I never knew my father so it was my grandmother and mother who were my family.  My mother went to work at a defense plant and I spent my days with my Swedish grandmother.  I adored her but she died when I was six so from then on it was my mother who had the most influence on me. As an only child, in a small conservative PA town, I found that most of my time was spent alone as my mother allowed me to roam anywhere I pleased with no supervision.  She was my world but I knew that she really wanted me to get killed in some of the idiotic things I did to impress her.  Things like killing dozens of rattlesnakes at the nearby creek bed.  Men terrified me as my mother would date these drunks and others who treated me badly.  I hated the idea that I would grow up like one of those monsters. 

There was a neighbor man who I could go to for help in my hobbies of electronics and model airplanes but other than that, I was mostly alone.

I coped with the lonliness by having a dozen large stuffed toy monkeys that I read to and cared for like a mother. That nurturing behavior made me really odd in my small town and I got mercilessly picked on and beat up.  You know, the pretty little sissy boy.  As I look back at that time, I am amazed that I survived.  I'm writing about it for a personal autobiography to deal with the hurts I endured.  It will never be published as it is for my needs only.

Maggie