Wrong question: When did you first decide you wanted to become a woman?

[K8]

Often the form of the question tells a lot about the questioner.

I was born male.  I always considered myself male but never a man.  Since age 3 or 4 I knew I should be a girl/woman/female but knew I wasn't.  I am now working on becoming as much of a woman as I can be, but in some ways I think I will always be what I have always been - something other than man or woman.  To say that I have always been a woman doesn't make sense to me (to me), because I had a male body and lived pretending to be a man for many years and now have to go through the difficult process of transition that natal women do not.

Now, if the question was: When did you decide to try to align your presentation and role in society with who you really are? - that would show some understanding.

- Kate

[Juliet]

I was watching a transgender theme movie (Beautiful Boxer)today, and a reporter asked the transwoman, "When did you first decide you wanted to become a woman?"

I thought this was perfectly appropos of the way ->-bleeped-<- is misunderstood by the mainstream.

The proper query would be, "When did you first realize that your body was the wrong gender?"

There is no "becoming" women.  We always were female.

There is no decision, there is only recognition and/or acceptance.

I know this is an old thread but I hear similar discussions frequently.  It sounds like the reporter meant when did the transwoman decide she wanted to live her life as the gender she felt on the inside, as opposed to hiding it or conforming or just living with the inside not matching the outside. 
If you really pick it apart then yeah its phrased incorrectly, but I don't think its that bad of a question and I hope it wasn't responded to negatively. 

[noeleena]

Hi. Cindy .

When your brought up with sickness in your family you dont think about these  details you just accept they are there & you get on with life . that does not make it any easyer  so you do the best you can with what you have ,& yes i sure relate with you & yes its not easy at all. & yes i have those down days .

As to wonting to be a woman . no i never did because i was /  am one in the making . the ? is am i  there. no & nore will i because im both male /  female  .
Tho im accepted as a woman  & thats neat i can never be a full one , & really it does not matter because im happy being who i am  just the same.

...noeleena...

[Jayne]

I never decided to become a woman, or female depending on your point of view, my decision was to hide what I felt I was. This was the worst decision I have ever made in my life & trust me i've made a fair few doozies.
In the end I just couldn't bear hiding this any longer & had to be honest with both myself & those around me no matter the consequences.

Surely the question should have been: When did you realise you couldn't hide who you are any longer?

[GinaDouglas]

When did you realize that you had to be what you were and admit that resistance was futile?

[jyoti]

There are three phases of my life where the thought of wanting to be female arises, i.e. around 7, 25, and 43.

At 25, in 1992 that thought was not fruitful, as there was lack of external motivating factor and resources. At 43, in 2010, things were different, with the help of internet, I can reviewed the experiences of people who went through the process of transition, and resources on HRT has become available. These were the excellent, external motivating factor contributing to the fruition of that thought.

As for the term "becoming woman" is not very appropriate, as mentally speaking, there is no "becoming", only accepting the feminine aspect, instead of opposing it as we used to when in the male mode of being. In physical aspect, HRT helps in a limited way of transformation, added with makeup, feminine wear and accessories, are also due to our accepting these elements, to match our feminine mode of being.

[Debra]

Yeah I hate when people phrase it that way. I always rephrase it when answering

[Just Kate]

To answer the question as it was stated, "When I realized how horrid it would be living as a male considering my dysphoria related to my body and expected gender role."

Perhaps the question isn't so wrong for all of us.

[Trans Truth]

I thought I was a girl as a child. Then one day my mom and sisters pointed out that I was different. I was dis-made. It was at that moment I wanted to change this curse that had been placed upon me.

I don't have sisters, but this is very well put.

[kimberrrly]

Maybe it helps when you say... " That's deep man! I dont know, when did you first decide to become a man /woman?"
lol

[kimberrrly]

" What was it like realising you didn't have legs?"

That question I would understand....I would not mind if anyone asked me... what's it like to be transgender.
The problem is most people ask us: "When did you first choose for your handicap" lol.
That's actually pretty offensive... but trying to explain it can make it worse even lol...

[Cindy]

That question I would understand....I would not mind if anyone asked me... what's it like to be transgender.
The problem is most people ask us: "When did you first choose for your handicap" lol.
That's actually pretty offensive... but trying to explain it can make it worse even lol...

I'd sort of forgotten this post.

My wife is totally disabled and I get the 'don't talk to the wheelchair' a lot of times.  I think I was approaching my comment from that point of view, being rude to a person or group is an option. Since it is a behavioural option it can be modified. Ignoring or insulting by ignoring another human being, because they are different to you, or your beliefs, is at best crass, but is also usually symptomatic of a deformed ability to socially interact. We see examples in the News stories here regularly. 

I agree with your comment but wanted to clarify mine.

Cindy 

[Emmy]

Some gender specialists ask questions like this to sort of test you.

[noeleena]

Hi . Gina.

I knew at age 10  not so much as youv said,     had to be . & resistance. that never happened for me ,
in the way you mean . & i did not change from one to the other , & i know some wont fully understand this.

Because when you are  that mix What can you change  I know i have a freedom i never had before in how i express my self , I know that comes over as female yet i still have that male side of who i am.
& yes i express that as well tho not as much as i have ,

The male / female for me is so closely linked together i only see my self as one whole  not seperated ,

i was not hideing my inner self or the real me just i was not able to express the all of who i am,   yet was i hideing my inner emotions . it was more about how people perceived me ,  mind you i never said any thing ,
hence my being a loner for most of my life. not any more ,

Birgitta,

, I do have some handycaps & i v made them well & truely known ,    its  not who i am as a person ,if it means being up front with people then i am,


...noeleena...