Anyone else out there going through RLT without getting hassled in public?

[K8]

Kate, you are a serious pain in my ass.

  Always glad to make life more interesting, dear. 

- Kate

[FairyGirl]

so far no problems at all, really. I haven't been "sirred" in a very long time, it's always "ma'am"- even in jeans, t-shirts, and tennis shoes with no makeup buying plywood at the hardware store. No one in public ladies' restrooms has ever given me a suspicious look, even speaking, and I would be a bit afraid to go into a men's room at this point. I just made my second looooong trip from Nashville to Sydney, Australia and I've also traveled by air in the US, and everyone has taken me at face value as the woman I am. My SO is as committed to my upcoming my surgery as I, and my uber-conservative family still loves me though they may not entirely exactly approve. My (real) life goes on.

[Debra]

my spouse tried that to try to discourage me from transitioning.  she once said "it doesnt matter how much surgery you have, NOBODY will EVER mistake you for a girl."

::shrugs::  i dont blame her.  she wanted to keep her husband, so i guess i understand.

Yah my wife actually has seen guys looking at me and she's actually experienced some jealousy. But when she told her bible study gals this, they reassured her that guys were probably only staring at me because they wondered why a guy was dressed up like a girl....

I was dumbfounded at their ignorance

[Alyssa M.]

No hassles from the general public. Just the occasional pronoun faliure from people who knew me as a guy. And some family tension, which is getting better.

[DamagedChris]

Like Kurzar, I'm about 90% out...I haven't brought it up to my boss yet because I don't feel I pass enough to warrant making everyone change pronouns and feel awkward, and because I'm afraid of being fired and finding work in MI is a pain in the hindquarters right now.

And I agree with Jay's thought on it being easier going FtM...I either look like a guy or a butch lesbian or tomboy. I've had more issues with family than anything on the outside.

[Tammy Hope]

not entirely on point but - I had to run up to Corinth tonight and stopped in the local Wal-Mart and i ran across my hairdrersser. It's the first time she's seen me out fully presenting as Laura and I asked her how i was passing and she said pretty much if she hadn't known she wouldn't have noticed.

Mind you, I'm not suggesting I stand up to serious inspection or a voice check, but most people don't look THAT close unless you give them reason.

[randi1214]

I'm just a guy who wishes he was most of you, so take what I say with a grain of whatever. I think it's easy to get into a siege mentality.  When any of us realize that we are dealing with a new paradigm it takes us a while to decide how we deal with it.  Certainly meeting someone in transition, and it becomes obvious for some reason, is one of those moments.  It takes a few times to conclude how to deal with it.  It's happening to you all the time, because you are the paradigm changer, but in my life I've probably had that experience less than a dozen times and I'm looking.  Like racist there will be gender bigots.  I don't think that either of those groups are a large part of society. 

Remember it's not you who is confused; it's the person who is confronted with your new reality for the first few times.  You might as well be an alien; they don't know how to deal with you.  They probably need your comfort. LOL  Have you ever had to deal with something new and weren't sure what it would be like?  An employer, he/she is thinking how does this person perform their job, what kind of problems and disruption am I going to face.  The idea has never crossed their mind.  I work on the docks, can you imagine if one of the guys showed up as a girl one day?  These guys have trouble with the girls on the crew; their thinking isn't too evolved.

If I think I see someone who has transitioned I look.  I try to be discreet.  I am so doggone excited I want to run up to them and ask a million questions.  I want to celebrate their escape from the other skin so much.  If I did it would embarrass the heck out of you.  So I sneak glances like someone swooning in the presence of a celebrity.  You're probably thinking oh no I've been 'outed' that guy is creeping me out.  I'm truly sorry that we make you uncomfortable, but some of it is affection.  If J. Edgar Hoover, Marv Albert, and 95% of women are wearing the other sexes clothes how many of the rest of us do you think are out there.  Try and remember the problem isn't you it's us.  You've been living with yourself forever it's our first time.

[Alyssa M.]

I had a conversation yesterday with an old friend living far away who is concerned about my transition.

His main concern is that I am marking myself forever as an outsider, and he spoke about how he sees people interacting with visibly gender variant people. Specifically, he said, most people don't seem to take any notice until after they are out of sight and then rubberneck or give each other a knowing look. I have seen or heard people do this myself. He seemed to think I was delusional if I didn't think this was happening to me.

This has a whole lot to do with passing privilege and with presenting appropriately in any given situation. In other words, it has to do with calibrating how much we want to change or fit into paradigms, and how much we are able to do that. I have concluded I'd rather challenge paradigms than to fit into a male paradigm; ideally I would fit into a female paradigm.

I'm not sure how much I even care if people whisper behind my back. Sure, I care, but I have concluded that I prefer it to living as a man, provided they do it behind my back, and otherwise treat me respectfully. Partly that is because I expect it will get better as time goes on. When cis people and trans people who haven't transitioned talk about trans people, they almost always mean visibly gender-variant people, which they seem to assume is a synonym for trans.

[K8]

I'm not sure how much I even care if people whisper behind my back. Sure, I care, but I have concluded that I prefer it to living as a man, provided they do it behind my back, and otherwise treat me respectfully. Partly that is because I expect it will get better as time goes on. When cis people and trans people who haven't transitioned talk about trans people, they almost always mean visibly gender-variant people, which they seem to assume is a synonym for trans.

I am usually seen as a woman.  If that's all the better it gets, I can live with it.  I'm much happier usually a woman than I ever was seen mostly as a man.  For me it's not an all or nothing deal.  50% woman to me is better than 100% fake man.  And I too expect it to get better as I settle into this.  It all depends on what each of us needs.

And yes, the obviously gender-variant are who the general population sees as trans.  That's one reason it is helpful to transition openly – so that those around us can see that we are not just putting on this other gender like a dress or a man's suit, but we are normal people who are changing our presentation to better suit who really are.

- Kate

[randi1214]

Dear Kate:

You look cold standing there in the snow.  It's morning, I haven't turned on the heat yet, and when I see you I'm freezing.  We have to take up a collection and get you to where you can get a picture standing on a warm beach in a nice sun dress or something. Wool suit, boots, snow, brrrr. LOL

[K8]

Well, in January I'm going to visit friends at their condo in Florida.  I'll get them to take a beach picture.

- Kate

[Janet_Girl]

In January you will just have a snow woman as your avatar. 

Sorry Sis, but you are just in snow country. Brrrrrrrrr



Janet

[Alyssa M.]

I am usually seen as a woman.  If that's all the better it gets, I can live with it.  I'm much happier usually a woman than I ever was seen mostly as a man.  For me it's not an all or nothing deal.  50% woman to me is better than 100% fake man.  And I too expect it to get better as I settle into this.  It all depends on what each of us needs.

And yes, the obviously gender-variant are who the general population sees as trans.  That's one reason it is helpful to transition openly – so that those around us can see that we are not just putting on this other gender like a dress or a man's suit, but we are normal people who are changing our presentation to better suit who really are.

- Kate

I agree. For those of us who are privileged to be able to transition in a community that is supportive (I don't mean a physical location as much as a network of friends, family, and acquaintances), it's a good way to normalize and reify the experience of trans people for the broader community.

I think you look really happy in your current avatar photo. I liked the one from the mountains you had before too -- I think I've been to that lake a couple of times, though it has been over a decade since the last time I was there. If it's where I'm thinking, it's a beautiful place.

[FairyGirl]

Kate hon you're welcome to come to Sydney- it was 106 Fahrenheit (41 C) here yesterday!  <--tongue lolling from heat prostration

I'm not sure how much I even care if people whisper behind my back. Sure, I care, but I have concluded that I prefer it to living as a man, provided they do it behind my back, and otherwise treat me respectfully. Partly that is because I expect it will get better as time goes on. When cis people and trans people who haven't transitioned talk about trans people, they almost always mean visibly gender-variant people, which they seem to assume is a synonym for trans.

You are absolutely right and thank you for this. Though I haven't really had problems, I still can't help but wonder sometimes- is that guy looking at me and smiling because he's interested, or does he just think I'm a freak? That always then triggers a serious bout of dysphoria and I have to meditate to get grounded again. I know I should just assume the best rather than assuming the worst, but sometimes that's difficult. Realizing that no matter what, I still prefer it to living as a man is a very comforting thought at those times.

[Alyssa M.]

It's funny you should mention the weather "Down Under," Chloe.

I have a friend who is very, very Down Under right now. He reported to his stateside girlfriend (who posted on the Facebook):

It's cold.


Like, really cold.

I think I believe him.

[FairyGirl]

lol he must be in Antarctica or something

[Debra]

if they have seen you looking anything like your pic there, i would be more dumbfounded at their BLINDNESS lol

hehe awww thanks girl =)