Transitioning Vs. Not Transitioning

[bigbreastlover4269]

There was probably a thread already opened on this topic but... I make this thread because I never wanted to transition and here are the reasons why I do and don't want to.

Pros of Transitioning
* I can appear and be percieved as my desired gender.
* I can finally be able to happily and openly do female things!
* I can finally have the rights and privleges of being a woman and I can be free of the hell that I've lived through all my male life!

Cons of Transitioning
* First off, the cost of transitioning is entirely too high.
* This doesn't change the fact that I was originally born with a male body.
* I have to move somewhere else, and start my new life because my family, co-workers if I get a job, and others will wonder what has happened to me.
* I read somewhere that transitioning could cause physical body damage.
* I still won't be able to get pregnant, or menstruate like biological females (a person born a female) could because I still won't have ovaries!
* I will still have XY chromosomes and they can't change them to XX chromosomes.
* My girlfriend/wife just might miss the me that i once was because she liked what she saw.
* I still won't have my ideal female figure except that I could still have large breasts.
* I'm going to miss the male body that I once had.

[Janet_Girl]

Transition.

I have a male body with maybe small B bustline ( 19 months HRT ).  Still have the growth, although the evil twins are now gone.  Lost my job, but thanks to the SSA I might be able to get a better job.

I went to a TDOR ceremony yesterday, and there were many Transwomen who were barely passable, but happy.  And after all that is all that matters.  Being happy.



Janet

[Fenrir]

* I can finally be able to happily and openly do female things!
* I can finally have the rights and privleges of being a woman and I can be free of the hell that I've lived through all my male life!

As Janet said, being happy and fulfilled in life is the main thing to aim for your life to be about. After all, you only get one. (Actually, that depends on your views on reincarnation, but still...) And if you have to stop yourself expressing yourself in your natural way, whether you are male-bodied or have transitioned to female, then that leads to you not living life to the best of your abilities.

* I will still have XY chromosomes and they can't change them to XX chromosomes.
* I still won't have my ideal female figure except that I could still have large breasts.

Chances are, no-one is going to be doing a chromosome test on you anytime in your lifetime. And very few people have their ideal figure, whether they are male or female or something in-between!  Transition will bring you closer to it, though.

Despite all I have said, don't feel pressurised to transition if you are still unsure or if you are not ready. These decisions are all about you, not us, and it is up to you to find the place you are most comfortable at. There are plenty of people who lives their lives happily at all stages of transition, including non-ops. Take your time deciding. All the people on this forum are here for you whatever you decide. 

[Megan]

Transition.

I have a male body with maybe small B bustline ( 19 months HRT ).  Still have the growth, although the evil twins are now gone.  Lost my job, but thanks to the SSA I might be able to get a better job.

I went to a TDOR ceremony yesterday, and there were many Transwomen who were barely passable, but happy.  And after all that is all that matters.  Being happy.



Janet

Being passable is being happy.

What's the point of just looking like a man in a dress or a obvious transsexual when the goal is female.

[Fenrir]

Being passable is being happy.

What's the point of just looking like a man in a dress or a obvious transsexual when the goal is female.

Well, because you never know until you try. What else do you expect people to do? If other people can find happiness despite their physical imperfections, don't put them down. 

[K8]

I was always afraid to attempt to transition because I knew I would never pass as a woman.  Finally, I decided I would rather be an ugly woman than a passable man, and if I never passed than so what?  I would live the rest of my life as a woman-wannabe if that's all I could do.  I just couldn't live the lie of pretending to be a man anymore.

When I started this, my doctor told me I had the right to be happy.  After several months of living as the neo-woman Kate, even though I still had the wrong body, I told him it really isn't about being happy.  It's about being whole.

As Fenrir said, this is about you and what you need.  What we needed may not be what you need.  There's a lot of soul-searching that goes into the process.  Just what will you be able to accept?  Years ago I couldn't accept being a halfway woman.  Now I will be as much woman as I can, even if it's only a little, even if I'm the only one who thinks I'm a woman.  It just depends on your needs, BigLover.

And yes, Megan, passing helps.  But some of us get to the point where we have to do this regardless.

- Kate

[CodyJess]

I'll give a response a shot here. A post that defends a point without provocation asks to have that point argued, after all.  (all in good humor)

Cons of Transitioning
* First off, the cost of transitioning is entirely too high.
* This doesn't change the fact that I was originally born with a male body.
* I have to move somewhere else, and start my new life because my family, co-workers if I get a job, and others will wonder what has happened to me.
* I read somewhere that transitioning could cause physical body damage.
* I still won't be able to get pregnant, or menstruate like biological females (a person born a female) could because I still won't have ovaries!
* I will still have XY chromosomes and they can't change them to XX chromosomes.
* My girlfriend/wife just might miss the me that i once was because she liked what she saw.
* I still won't have my ideal female figure except that I could still have large breasts.

The cost of transition is only 'entirely too high' if you don't think it's worth it. (for good, solid advice on how to 'afford' transition, go find the financing page on TSroadmap)

It entirely changes the fact that you were born with a male body. That's the point of transitioning, isn't it? To bring your physical form in line with your mental self-image through some changes on the part of both (but mostly through physical changes).

Moving is only a requirement if you find it too difficult to explain yourself to the people around you (which can be fixed with a little effort and education, and a lot of patience) or the people in your family/work become hostile.

The physical risks of transition are relatively small. Don't take my word on it though, educate yourself; a short talk with a doctor will explain everything.
There's also the consideration that at soem point in a lot of people's lives, it's more of a physical risk to not transition. Not always due to suicide or self-injury, but also because people who don't like themselves tend to neglect themselves (poor hygiene, poor nutrition, poor overall health).

There are a lot of biological women who don't menstruate (or menstruate irregularly) and are infertile. I understand that nothing will ever be able to replace that, and that for a lot of people adoption just never 'makes up for' not being able to get pregnant, but, from my perspective, it seems a bit sad to deny yourself all the other benefits of being your desired gender just because you can't have everything perfect.

Your chromosomes don't matter in the slightest. Honestly. Maybe someday when gene therapy comes into vogue, but I don't see that happening in the next 50 years, so there's nothing to worry about there.

* My girlfriend/wife just might miss the me that I once was because she liked what she saw.

This is... I'm not sure what to think about this. Why don't you ask? It's worth the effort, rather than letting 'just might's stop you from pursuing happiness in your life. If this really is the case, then you'd need to decide if what somebody else 'might miss' is more important than your happiness. You deserve to be happy. Consider thinking this one over again.

The last one: ideal female figure. Almost no woman or man ever gets their 'ideal figure'. It's an ideal, something to look up to and strive for; not something that's really ever meant to be achieved. Again, try not to let 'maybe's and 'if's stop you.

[bigbreastlover4269]

Well, people. Thanks for answering my thread.

I know I have the unresticted right to transition if I feel the need to. It's just that my Pros-and-Cons analysis made me unsure because, as you all can see, the list of Cons exceeds the list of Pros. All my life I swore to myself, I promised myself that I wouldn't undergo this change because of the list of the Cons list and its length compared to the Pros list I added something to the Cons list, let alone. I've even done some talking to The Creator. I know we are the creators of our reality and that The Creator gave us free will. But if The Creator is trying to teach me something, I want to learn it before I screw it up and have to be taught the lesson again because I failed to learn it here. I've asked that He'd give me my ideal female body in the next life. I know there is a reincarnation. I know I'm supposed to believe in God and with that being said, i thought of transitioning now as in a lack of faith. It's that in my next life, I'm going to forget I wanted to be her if I AM her - and if I transition here I'll never feel so alive.

I do understand that if I choose to live the rest of my life as a man, that's on me and that's my choice. I sort of feel bad about taking pictures I found off some girl's myspace and saying it's me (I opened a thread about this before too). This is just going to have to be a VERY difficult desision that I will have to make, and for that I need a Gender Therapist I will have to find. I was never able to.

If I do, I have to move. I live near Philly. I love Philadelphia, and I would hate to leave. Well, there's always Camden, Trenton, New Jersey I could move to. But if I have to go far away, there is Auckland, New Zealand. Of course I can move TO Philadelphia, but still... that's too close...

To Fenir;
I know no one is ever doing a chromosome check on me ever! It's just that having the XX chromosome is female and I wanted everything to do with a biological woman as possible. And as for the ideal body though, yes I know (I rhymed!). There are others who live without their ideal bodies. However, I should not have to be one of those people. Women want to complain about it now, but I want to be able to menstruate, as I stated in previous as well as THIS thread, and I want to be able to get preggo, not that I want to have children anyway, but I like for some strange reason the big belly! Like I said I have a very difficult decision to make and if I win the lottery, that will make my decision a little less harder to make but I just know The Creator loves me unconditionally reguardless or not, I choose to change my body.

[justmeinoz]

Hi BigLover,
Firstly I guess the main thing is that it is your life, to do with as you wish.  There are no rules regarding how far you must go. If you are happy as you are, then that is ok.

Pregnancy and menstruation?  You don't say how old you are, but personally I am old enough to be post-menopausal anyway, so it will change.

Regarding possible risks of surgery, there is always a risk with any operation. Before accepting anything as true, especially off the internet, I would look at the source and see how reputable it is.  Also look for as many reliable sources as possible.

With regard to family, friends etc, I have decided to stand Dr Phil's question, "have you thought about family etc" , on it's head.  Have they thought about YOU? 


Remember what Jim Morrison sang, "No-one here gets out alive."  Go Girl!    Sandra.

[Hannah]

I'm going to miss the male body that I once had

Prolly ought not to mess with it then. The rest of that stuff doesn't really matter if that's truly the case. Is it, or is this the grief stage of dealing? The list of cons is pretty long and look mostly like fear-based excuses to me.

Being passable is being happy.
What's the point of just looking like a man in a dress or a obvious transsexual when the goal is female.

Your'e absolutely right Megan, but wouldn't you agree that it does sometimes feel good? I relate to the long term need to blend but when the real you starts getting loose and checking out her new life it kinda happens faster than the physical changes. Even if it's just make believe with some friends for an evening, it's better than sitting home and crying and waiting to emerge transformed (says the girl who hasn't gone out in two days).

[Alexmakenoise]

I think most of the points you made apply to just about everyone who considers transitioning.  Here's my take:

Pros of Transitioning
* I can appear and be percieved as my desired gender.

The importance of this can be easily underestimated.  Have you tried any "real life experiences" (for example, going somewhere where you don't know anyone, presenting yourself as the opposite gender, and seeing how you feel - whether or not you pass)?  Being perceived as your desired gender might have a HUGE effect on how you see yourself, and your level of happiness overall.  And, fortunately, there are plenty of ways to "test the waters" to get a sense of this before you make any major changes.

* I can finally be able to happily and openly do female things!

See above.  Sounds like you really have a strong desire to be seen as female.  The counter-argument is that you can probably do some female things openly and happily while also presenting as male.  Another option is presenting as male in some situations and female in others.  There is a lot of middle ground.  But how accessible that middle ground is can vary according to your circumstances (sounds like you live in a small, conservative town?).

* I can finally have the rights and privleges of being a woman and I can be free of the hell that I've lived through all my male life!

Again, sounds like you really do see yourself as female.  This will probably continue to affect you throughout your life.  Doing something about it is worthwhile.  A good start is to simply explore the possibilities, as you are doing here.[/color] 

Cons of Transitioning
* First off, the cost of transitioning is entirely too high.

Yeah, it sure IS too high.  This 1 reason why a lot of people do their actual transition as a long, slow process.

Presenting CAN be a different story, though.  Changing your gender, as people in general will view you, can switch more suddenly, with fewer (if any) costs involved.  But, again, there are a lot of variables involved.  You'll have to come out to the most important people in your life.

There's a lot of info on stuff like this on this site (not specific costs but advice about how to time what, and what the exact steps are).  Look around.

* This doesn't change the fact that I was originally born with a male body.

Assuming you transition, that's something you'll have to learn to accept.  And hopefully see as an advantage!     (Plenty of good advice and role models around here.)

* I have to move somewhere else, and start my new life because my family, co-workers if I get a job, and others will wonder what has happened to me.

I'm sorry to hear that.  That's an unfortunate extra hurdle that some people face.  I don't have much to offer because it's outside my realm of experience, but I bet some other people here can offer advice and words of wisdom.  You're not alone.

* I read somewhere that transitioning could cause physical body damage.

Definitely something to do research on.  Check out the wiki on this site, look at other sites, and most importantly, talk to your doctors about any questions or concerns you have.

* I still won't be able to get pregnant, or menstruate like biological females (a person born a female) could because I still won't have ovaries!

A good question to bring up in the MTF section.  As an FTM, I feel unqualified to comment. 

* I will still have XY chromosomes and they can't change them to XX chromosomes.

Well, MAYBE the technology will exist at SOME point in the future . . . .

But, realistically, what impact will this have on your day to day life?

* My girlfriend/wife just might miss the me that i once was because she liked what she saw.

That's a very significant topic that is often discussed here.  I recommend reading threads that relate to this type of situation, and talking to people who have dealt with or are in similar situations.

* I still won't have my ideal female figure except that I could still have large breasts.

What is your ideal female figure?  How many of people do you know who truly consider their figure to be "ideal"?

Transitioning can be like a shot at an ideal figure that most people will never get (for instance, you can choose your breast size).  It can also make your body seem less perfect in some ways.  But keep in mind that almost everyone is unsatisfied with some parts of their body.

The point of transitioning is typically to make your body (and therefore the gender people see you as) in keeping with the gender you are mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc.

* I'm going to miss the male body that I once had.

Good reason to take your time to do plenty of thinking, talking, researching, and soul-searching before doing anything you might later regret.

[/color]

Good luck!   

[DamagedChris]

Pros of Transitioning
* I can finally be able to happily and openly do female things!
You can do this now--especially if you don't mind coming off as a gay male sometimes (which if you choose to get manicures and such you will).

Cons of Transitioning
* First off, the cost of transitioning is entirely too high.
It is high...but it's one of those parts of life I wouldn't want to buy from the "discount" section...as with much else in life, with cosmetic surgery you get what you pay for. That said there are tricks to cost cutting, such as seeing if there's a free clinic that will do blood tests near you. My transition is going to take a couple years of eating PB&J sandwiches, but the end result will be lifelong.

* This doesn't change the fact that I was originally born with a male body.
True...but people don't need to be privy to this knowledge if you don't want them to be.

* I have to move somewhere else, and start my new life because my family, co-workers if I get a job, and others will wonder what has happened to me.
Moving might be the cure for sure...but chances are you'd want to tell your family and work with them anyway to keep them in your life. Also, moving doesn't have to mean moving cross-country...you'd be amazed at how well just moving a half hour away works, especially if the people you move from aren't expecting you to be a woman. I'm just a half hour from my previous address and see virtually no one that I knew before in my daily life (not that I get out much).

* I read somewhere that transitioning could cause physical body damage.
Talk with your doctor about it. That said, many TS's would prefer to die 10 years earlier in their desired gender than old and unhappy in their original.

* I still won't be able to get pregnant, or menstruate like biological females (a person born a female) could because I still won't have ovaries!
IMO, menstruation is overrated (but then, I'd be happy to scoop out my ovaries with a spoon at this point)...and plenty of women don't/can't get pregnant or menstruate. Even before I started T my menstruation cycles were REALLY off, would only have maybe 1-2 periods a year.  Also...in your second post you mentioned just liking the belly and not really wanting kids. Make sure that this isn't just a sexual interest in having a female body...do some soul searching.

* I will still have XY chromosomes and they can't change them to XX chromosomes.
There are XY females in the world.

* My girlfriend/wife just might miss the me that i once was because she liked what she saw.
A lot of TS's have encountered this problem, myself included...it's really dependent on which you feel is more important.

* I still won't have my ideal female figure except that I could still have large breasts.
I'm gonna echo everyone and say that very rarely do bio-female and bio-males ever end up with the bodies they want...the joys of our culture, we are bombarded with pictures of how everyone in society "should" look on TV or movies where everyone is trim, beautiful and perfect. In reality, there are plenty of people out there that aren't, and just like the bios we will probably never see the bodies we want...I'd LOVE to be taller, more masculine, but I'll be happy to be a shrimpy, short man too.

[Pippa]

You have to remember that there is a wide variety of individuals tagged as Transgender and not all go as far as SRS.   For many the ability to pass as female and live as a woman is enough, genital surgery is not on the cards.  Others will only be truly happy if they are physically fully female.   That is why therapy is important.   I have seen and read articles by may people who either were not happy following transition and regretted full SRS as they would have been far happier with life in both genders.   Therapy helps you come to terms with your body image and what is the right level of transition for you as an individual.

[Miniar]

Numbers in pros and cons are not an accurate representative of how "much" they weigh.

The pro that outweighed all my cons were my own personal happiness.
Honestly, I don't care if other people see me as a "male impersonator" I'm doing this for me, for my own sanity, my own happiness, my own comfort in my own skin.
So what if I don't end up with the body of Brad Pitt or Vin Diesel, What man does? Only Brad Pitt and Vin Diesel can have their own bodies.
Go to the local mall and look around and count how many women you see that have what you could consider your "ideal" body, but Also, count how many women you see that don't have something you'd consider "ideal".
And ask yourself, do these women that have what you'd consider "ideal" see their bodies the same way as you see them?
Do they feel "happy" with their own bodies?
Chances are that the answer is no.
Only a rare few people are fully happy with their own bodies and they're only happy with them because they've accepted their bodies, flaws and all. Which I tried with mine, but I can't accept it's sex, so I'll just fix that, and then re-tackle that situation.
I've accepted that I'll never look like Vin Diesel, but I'll do my best to look like "me".

[The None Blonde]

Cons of Transitioning
* First off, the cost of transitioning is entirely too high.
* This doesn't change the fact that I was originally born with a male body.
* I have to move somewhere else, and start my new life because my family, co-workers if I get a job, and others will wonder what has happened to me.
* I read somewhere that transitioning could cause physical body damage.
* I still won't be able to get pregnant, or menstruate like biological females (a person born a female) could because I still won't have ovaries!
* I will still have XY chromosomes and they can't change them to XX chromosomes.
* My girlfriend/wife just might miss the me that i once was because she liked what she saw.
* I still won't have my ideal female figure except that I could still have large breasts.
* I'm going to miss the male body that I once had.

Miss the male body you had - so gender dysphoria fits in where?

Girlfriend will miss your male form because she likes what she saw - is there a point being with her if she only likes you for your apearance?

XY or XX really doesnt matter... theres plenty of women with xy that were born women, who are abosltuely fine.

Figure: well you can actually get a fairly natural figure, but the mention of large breasts, and your nickname makes me wonder if this is some inverted fetish going on?

Transition can cause physical body damage: uh, only if done wrong, and with underliying liver and kidney conditions.

People wonder what happened to you: Generally that involves 'coming out'

Expensive: If its what you really need, you don;t even consider that fact.


Tbh, I'm not sure where this is going, but i heavily recomend you see a therapist, Soon.

[bigbreastlover4269]

Hi BigLover,
Firstly I guess the main thing is that it is your life, to do with as you wish.  There are no rules regarding how far you must go. If you are happy as you are, then that is ok.

Pregnancy and menstruation?  You don't say how old you are, but personally I am old enough to be post-menopausal anyway, so it will change.

Regarding possible risks of surgery, there is always a risk with any operation. Before accepting anything as true, especially off the internet, I would look at the source and see how reputable it is.  Also look for as many reliable sources as possible.

With regard to family, friends etc, I have decided to stand Dr Phil's question, "have you thought about family etc" , on it's head.  Have they thought about YOU? 


Remember what Jim Morrison sang, "No-one here gets out alive."  Go Girl!    Sandra.

And yes, I understand that there are bilogical women (born with a female body) that are unable to menstruate and undergo pregnancy. But, the thing of it is, I never wanted to get pregnant, really. I just wanted to have a monthy period and be able to undergo pregnancy because biological women can and I want everything to do with a biological female as possible.

[The None Blonde]

this does not sound like transsexuality... it sounds like fetishised crossdressing... Hon, please see a therapist.

[Just Kate]

Are we allowed to add more pros/cons?  I have some ideas.

[Autumn]

* I can finally have the rights and privleges of being a woman and I can be free of the hell that I've lived through all my male life!

* I'm going to miss the male body that I once had.

That last con is the red flag. Generally speaking, trans people don't like the body they have. For the first time in my life, now that I'm on real HRT, I'm taking extra care of myself and working harder on self improvement in other ways too.

The first one, a lot of men seem to have this chip on their shoulder that women have things so much better. People buy them drinks. They don't have to open doors or carry heavy ->-bleeped-<- or whatever. The rights and privileges of a woman are to be ignored by men who think you're stupid even when you know more than anyone else around you and to be sexually harassed at work by employees or customers.

It's not like the literotica transsexual section where guys get all dolled up and go out and get treated to free things and get fawned over and sleep with an entire biker gang with 9 inch members and make a new happy life as a woman.

Also is your avatar of your ideal woman that you want to be, or that you're attracted to?

[Hannah]

An entire biker gang! Nobody told me that was part of the package, be still my fluttering heart!