This Guy is Stalking me & I Slept Non-Sexually with him.

[Tanya1]

Okay,

I've been on HRT for a while now.

This guy who apparently drives a ferrari, maserati & bentley has been stalking me...

He looks rich judging by the cars, clothes he wears and the amount of money he tips me...

I work at starbucks & he comes in to chat with me all the time. My manager actually thought I knew him personally & then I got in a little trouble...

He asked me for my #. I gave it to him so he would leave me alone.

The problem with my situation is not really him. I do have a bit of a crush on him but I'm pre-op  and am NOT legally female.

If he founds out I'm afraid he will get violent. Every morning he gives me a $100 dollar bill to pay for and then tells me to keep the rest for my tip.

I've told him plenty of times not to tip me at all b/c I don't want a relationship.

During my lunch break, he touches my hair while chats with me as usual and gets wayyy to close.

This is really scary because I've never had a guy do this & it's just to risky for me as I'm pre-op.

He is respectful though. He's around 6 ft and very muscular. I'm 105lbs.. I won't be able to protect myself if he finds out, I will probably get killed.

I'm NOT out in work. My coworkers & managers do say I look like a girl & talk like one. They have a anti-discrimination policy, so I was able to get the job despite my appearance.

Today during my lunch break, he wanted to take me out to lunch and he started to grab my arms, he did it gently though & in a sweet way.

I refused & he accepted my refusal. Then he started commenting on how I dress only in boy clothes & jokingly accused me of being a lesbian.

Anyway, afterwork, he called me and asked if we could go out together for dinner, told me to stop wearing my lesbian gear and to wear a dress.

I said no. Then he seriously asked "Are you really a lesbian? I don't care if you are, just tell me because I want you to be my girlfriend."

I said "No, I'm just not ready to move that fast"

He than said "Okay, I understand, But could we just have dinner tonight so we can know each other better?"

I said "Fine but I only for ice cream & that's it."

He said "Fine"

He picked me up at my house. I told my mom, he's just a friend and she smiled.

We went for ice cream. Talked. He kept touching my hand, I told him to stop but deep inside I really liked it a lot and wanted to kiss him.

He then kept trying to cuddle with me, I liked it but stopped him.

After talking- we went to his house to talk more. His house was pretty huge and he was trying to impress me. It was a mansion but I wasn't that impressed.

I went in his bedroom but nothing happened. He just was trying to get to know me & was flirting with me.

We then started watching TV together and then we started to cuddle in bed. Eventually we fell asleep together. (Nothing sexual at all just sleeping and cuddling)

I was shocked when I woke up in the morning. He dropped me off and we explained ourselves to my mom. My mom got mad.

Here's the thing

I do like him, It's just that I want to keep a very big distance b/c I'm legally a male & if he founds out I'm afraid he will become very aggressive and hit me badly. He's like 195lbs of muscle & I'm only 105lbs.

What should I do?

Should I tell him?

I thinking about seeing whether he is homophobic and hates transsexuals. Then deciding.

Any advice appreciated.

[Janet_Girl]

That might be a good place to start, but I would recommend that you not be alone with him.  Even if he is rich, handsome, whatever.  Do not be alone with him.

You say you, platonicly, slept with him.  How did you feel in the morning?  Hung over?  Sickly?  Anything like that.  Be very careful with him.

CYA, Hon.


Hugs and Love,
Janet

[Asfsd4214]

The guy sounds like bad news too me. But then of course I don't know anything about him outside of your post.

But it sounds like he's used to getting his own way, and doesn't take rejection very easily, I'm not sure I'd trust a guy like that.

I can't really offer much advice, but I'd trust my instincts.

[Flan]

my 2 cents, run like hell

IMHO there is "control" written on every wall using the money and the "sleep in" aspect as blackmail to force a relationship that may not have happened in the first place with informed consent. (which he may be trying for anyways, but isn't the point)

[Tanya1]

Thanks everyone...

I did NOT feel hung over, sickly or felt like I was drugged. I was sleepy anyways, didn't plan to sleep their at all... no way! I think part of it was also his bed- because his bed was pretty comfortable.

I'm not ever going to be alone with him again. I'll always make sure I'm in a public area.

Tmrw I'm going to test whether he's a homophobe or hates transsexuals by bringing up the topic indirectly and cunningly. I also want to make sure he's not a player.

I do agree that he's being manipulative and also possessive. But at the same time, I do like him because he's the first guy that's treated me this way.

[Hannah]

This is gripping.
I'm dying to find out how it goes tomorrow.
I'm a little skeptical about why someone who lives in a mansion wants to date someone who lives with their mom, but men are weird creatures so whatever.

Lesbian gear, lol.

[Joseph]

I do agree that he's being manipulative and also possessive. But at the same time, I do like him because he's the first guy that's treated me this way.

Just keep in mind there's much more to a relationship than a guy being romantic.  He's very likely acting that way out of lust, anyway.  Don't let some guy wheedle his way in just because he has all the right moves.  Let yourself fall for a guy who actually cares about you.  Don't settle for someone you know is being both manipulative and possessive.  That will likely just lead to disaster.

Hope this turns out well for you.
Joseph

[Hannah]

Why is everyone picking on this guy? I agree it sounds a lil fishy, but really he's just behaving like guys do when they want to have sex with you...it's natural behavior for them. He's clearly a type-A personality that's for sure, but that doesn't mean he's a bastard right from the get-go. If every guy I've given the cold shoulder too had just given up I'd still be a closeted, neurotic virgin...instead of just neurotic.

But yeah, if he thinks you have a vagina your'e definitely cruising for a bruising, prolly better clear that up pretty quick.

[rejennyrated]

Please be very very careful indeed.

Back in the early 80's I lost a couple of friends who were murdered or seriously beaten up in exactly those sorts of circumstances.

From then on I had a policy, even when I was postop and in deep stealth, that anyone who I seemed likely to get romantically involved with had to KNOW before I was anywhere private with them at night.

I think I was very lucky but the strange thing was I never had a rejection over it. Most of the men were like "oh! (big pause) but you have had the op right? (pause while I nod) well I guess that's ok then." although some of them were rather insistent than I mustn't tell their mates about myself - which while I was in stealth, I was obviously not going to do anyway.

You need to either come clean with this guy (when you are somewhere safe) or disappear from his world because trust me a man with his passions aflamed, possibly slightly drunk, who feels he had been duped into a homosexual situation will NOT react well, however rich and cultured he may be. So please DONT PLAY WITH FIRE!

[jesse]

have to agree with jenny here it may be fun to flirt but this guy thinks your a girl and if he finds out otherwise in an ackward situation you could get hurt excercise extream caution here we do not need anouther bell next year
hugs
jessica

[The None Blonde]

Jaysus.... Guys... come on...

This guy has said he likes Tanya.... he's made advances, and respected her boundaries. He seems controlled enough in that respect that all this talk of beating and murder isn't likely.... and a man of his apparent wealth isn't likely to do something stupid 'in the heat of the moment'...

To be honest, the whole thing sounds innocent. Tanya honey, hes not 'stalking' hes doing what all guys do that like a girl and want to ask her out... seeing her regularlyish, flirting... the usuals. Get used to it

Tanya... do you like this guy? Yes? Get him to meet you after work, go for dinner somewhere, and explain your situation to him. In a public place. He will most likely be surprised, but few here give men the credit to actually accept this... a LOT do.... My last two boyfriends did with no trouble.... it took one a few days to realise he loved me no matter what, but neither got violent, tried to beat me... or kill me. The drama that some here come out with REALLY complicates coming out for people... I for one understand realism, but there's such a thing as pessimism too.

Good luck sweetie. Follow your heart.

[jesse]

thanks NB for the other side of the coin always being on guard tends to make us suspect the worse and read insidous things into inocent gestures The odds are in becca and NB's favor on this one tanya most likely the worst that will happen is he will stop coming around. my comments were based on him finding out you were male in the middle of a sexual encounter (ackward Situation) and this could get dangerous but since that isnt what is happening its a mute point maybe you should go out and just explain it to him or if thats uncomfortable use the number and ask him out but let him now its an open invitation after explaining the situation.
jessica

[rejennyrated]

Absolutely!

Just to clarify let me reiterate that I did say that ALL the men that I came out to accepted me. So I wasn't being pessimistic at all.

I think if you play it right he could be a really nice man.

My only point is that it's one of those situations where being honest can actually save you from a lot of trouble later on.

I'm not into drama either - I've never had any, in all honesty no one has ever given me a hard time about who I am. But I put that down to the fact that I always played straight with my lovers, whilst many of those who got hurt didn't. So far from being a reason not to come out my post is actually intended as an encouragement to honesty.

[pretty pauline]

I have to agree with Jenny and none Blonde, he is after all a guy, guys will be guys, I only every had 1 rejection from a guy when I tolded him I was trans, it was a long time ago and I wasn't honest with him in the first place, I posted about it in another thread somewhere.
I was 10years pre op, finally had my surgery in 1985, in that 10years my Mam was very anxious and worried about me, thought I was playing with fire, it was pressure actually from my Mam that I finally has srs, she was so relieved I was finally all woman, guys would come on to me, after my surgery  my Mam use to say ''now you can enjoy guys flirting with you, just enjoy and get use to being a woman''
My present BF knows my history but can never see me as a guy, excepts it but doesn't want it discussed, well I don't want to discuss it ether, its history, he just wants to see and fully except me as a woman.

When he spends a full night in bed with me, theres no mistake,  with my anatomy, yes definitely a woman.
p

[Hannah]

The odds are in becca and NB's favor on this one

Yay! Does that mean we get him when she's through? Muwaha

I'm absolutely enthralled by this story, go for it girl...have fun!

[Icephoenyx]

I think this would be a bit of a fun situation.

I mean, if a handsome rich guy took blatant interest in me like that I would be all over that like white on rice, to be frank. Call me naive, but I do think if Tany continues to see this guy, she should tell him about her past.

But if it's just going to be a casual flirting thing I don't see the harm.

Chrissi

[Tanya1]

Ok so I today at work I was talking with him on my break. He took me to lunch as usual.

My mom told warned me to be careful with him and to never ever be with him alone- because if he found out he might get violent.

During lunch, I asked him what movies does he like and what movies could we watch next we are at his house in his home theater. He started listing the types of movies he likes and the movies he already watched that he likes. I then asked if he has watched Trans America.

He didn't know what movie was. So I explained it to him.

Then during a pause, I asked if he had anything against transsexuals. He said no and said that he thinks that if they have a dream, they should follow it no matter what anyone says.

Than the topic changed.

I then told him about me being trans. I first asked if he would get mad if I told him why I don't want to be his girlfriend that quickly. He said "No" and there I told him and asked if he'd still be willing to accept me as his girlfriend.

He said "Sure, you are very pretty & I wouldn't have ever suspected you to be born male."

He then said "I think of you as a women and nothing else"

Then we went back to my work and he kissed me in the cheek and said "We are both together now, right?"

I said "Yes" and he kissed me in the cheek again and said "I will see you tmrw"

After I came back from work, he called me and asked me to dinner at some 5-star hotel. I told him I didn't have any dress and he said will take me shopping at Bloomingdale's.

That was it...

Today I got my first boyfriend, my first date and soon my first dress. 

[Janet_Girl]

Curiouser and curiouser.  Could he be FtM?  And if he could careless, you may just have a b/f.  Did you tell him you were pre-op?



Hugs and Love
Janet

[Tanya1]

Curiouser and curiouser.  Could he be FtM?  And if he could careless, you may just have a b/f.  Did you tell him you were pre-op?



Hugs and Love
Janet

Yes Janet, I told him everything about me transitioning right now and still being pre-op and not being legal male.

I don't drive because I have driver license issues with passing and I also can't use public bathrooms any longer.

Sort of sucks but it's a lot better compared to the suicidal thoughts I had before.

I don't think he is FtM... lol I felt his privates when he put me on his lap during lunch. Though he could have gotten penis surgery, I highly doubt it- though he his facially feminine like Brad Pitt.
Post Merge: December 01, 2009, 11:11:19 PM

Yes Janet, I told him everything about me transitioning right now and still being pre-op and not being legal male.

I don't drive because I have driver license issues with passing and I also can't use public bathrooms any longer.

Sort of sucks but it's a lot better compared to the suicidal thoughts I had before.

I don't think he is FtM... lol I felt his privates when he put me on his lap during lunch. Though he could have gotten penis surgery, I highly doubt it- he is however facially feminine like Brad Pitt.

[Lachlann]

You say he's rich, he could have had surgery or he could have been packing.

Still, he'd probably say something when you did.