Overacting?

[The None Blonde]

Perhaps its a cultural thing... that's not quite my scene... even if they existed in this country.

[chrysalis]

It was glaringly obvious to me when I first came here, and despite hating it I will admit I have done a little of that here and there to fit in. IRL I've said Darling few times, but I've kept it to a minimum, even in my equivalent of a "gay puberty".

[The None Blonde]

mm, indeed. I do remember a quote from 'so you wanna be a t-girl'

'True transsexuals always say hon at the end of any statement, hon.'

makes me giggle to think of sadly how true that is.

[Janet_Girl]

And that is a problem how again, Hon?

[placeholdername]

For the most part I think people act exactly how they need to act at any given time.  I don't really believe in 'overacting' -- who am I to decide how much is appropriate use of the word 'hon' and how much is too much?  It's kind of ridiculous.  It's just another form of deciding for other people what should be 'normal', and god knows we suffer enough of other people doing that to us already.

If you don't like it, then don't be around it.  Or stay and complain -- either way.  It's not really my issue.

[The None Blonde]

And that is a problem how again, Hon?

*facepalm*, hon

[aubrey]

Most of the time I think I'm guilty of underacting, and perhaps holding back too much, to the point of seeming withdrawn or uptight. I'd rather overact honestly. Sometimes I wonder if I am then I notice some woman taking it to another level and feel better for a moment, then I remember to just be myself and not care whether I meet anyone elses standards. Often the women who I admire most personality-wise are more expressive and exhuberant anyways, so If a transwoman somewhere in internet land doesn't approve I won't be hurt by it, I don't want their advice anyways. I can't count the number of times I've been called hon sweetie or what-have-you by....OMG genetic 50-ish women! Imagine that? ...like yeah.

[gqueering]

I've always hated being called "hon" etc. by people I am not having sex with (which I think is the only time it's appropriate) as I find it very condescending and will only put up with it if the person is much older than me. But sometimes I get it from people (women) who are my age or younger!
I have a theory (please no one attack me it's just a theory) that people who use these terms of endearment with strangers are actually being passive-aggressive. Women have been socialised in our culture to be passive-aggressive and I think "hon" is part of that. I've never heard a hetero man say it, probably because in our culture they have the right to be openly aggressive. I think when women or gay men use it it's a form of condescention, a way to put the other person down a notch and make themselves sound superior in some way - it's arrogant. Maybe it stems from a fear that they will not be respect as an equal in the relationship, that they themselves will be put down somehow (for being a woman, gay, trans etc) and be unable to defend themselves and openly retaliate the way a "man" can without social disapproval.
I'm not sure how valid this theory of mine is, all I know is that when I get called 'hon' I find it insulting. I treat others as my equal and I expect to be treated like an equal in return.

[K8]

I've lived all over the US and have found the use of "hon" and other things to be regional and cultural.  I would hear it in some parts of the country and some settings but not in others.  Some places it is an age thing – people over a certain age use it but younger people don't.  The US especially has a hugely diverse population that has all sorts of different cultural norms.  If I heard my Boston-area relatives (old New England Yankees) use it I would fall over in shock.  But when I'd go to Boston's North End (Italian area), it was just part of the normal social communication.  It's no big deal.

I've found that as Kate I wave my hands around a lot when I talk.  Now, if you're going to tell me that I shouldn't do that because that's too "->-bleeped-<-", I might say a bad word to you.

- Kate

[The None Blonde]

Actually no... its not remotely '->-bleeped-<-' its a pretty normal of female communication. This isnt about picking a female characteristic, or even 'use of = ->-bleeped-<-' its that when people overuse these things...


Now see if you were windmilling away with your arms when talking... its another story

[IcyThing]

On one hand, yes, some people might be over-using certain gender appropriate slang.
On the other, it is also quite possible it's being seen as strange because it's being looked at too closely.

For example, a woman can use 'hon' and 'dear' regularly and not really be seen as strange. It's just part of the way she talks. If a woman here uses 'hon' and 'dear', is it really that strange or is perceived that way due to stereotypes?

Also what should be considered in this is 'group slang', where people within a specific group pick up and repeatedly use slang/in jokes/ect to fit in, I believe someone already mentioned doing this. They may not use these words in other groups, or in causal conversation, or at work. I've seen this in many different online communities in my life. I've not found a single place that's been running for more than 6 months that hasn't had this happen, and I've been online for ten years now.

One last thing, I've never really found 'dude' to be entirely male slang, I've heard plenty of cis-girls use it too. Maybe it used to be, but not so much now, in my opinion. It does seem pretty common in the younger generation. Those I've been around anyway, it may be different for others.

[The None Blonde]

heh, must be the american younger generation... i've never heard girls here say dude. One of my friends says 'man' to everything, but shes crackers.... lol.

Once more, this isnt simple use of words, or phrases, its overuse of them, and overacting with certain actions and behaviours to try and 'be the more true transsexual' rubbish that seems to evolve.

[tekla]

Actually, if your not from California or Hawaii you most likely should avoid using 'dude' at all, as no doubt you have not been trained in its proper usage.

[Tammy Hope]

You pretty much have it right... Its insecurity, and trying to be 'most male or most female' to validate themselves against each other.

It is a little odd.... considering 30-40yo women are going 'hon and girl' and 'like awesome' and acting like 13 year olds...

Well, I haven't found myself tempted to use "hun" and the like but I don't know any 13 year olds who use "hun or "sweetie" or whatever - there almost always olderish women speaking to those younger than them.

As for "girl" or "girlfriend" that is something I've seen both in teenagers and in women in their twenties, thirties and forties (albeit there does seem to be an age ceiling - can't recall any retirement age women using it)

there ARE stereotypical teen-girl words and phrases that get used that come off as artificial...but I doubt you could name one I haven't heard a cis-woman use more than once.

That seems more like an age-compensation artifice than a gender compensation one.

Speaking for myself, I've occasionally used "girl" or "girlfriend" and in my experience it's an age-normal thing for women my age. So long as it's not excessive or artificial.

Post Merge: December 14, 2009, 02:13:04 AM

I sent my avatar picture with my Christmas letter.  My ex-wife wrote that it's really cute that I'm enjoying my girlishness by being willing to wear a skirt when it's snowing and that she always wears pants because she doesn't want her legs to be cold.  Who knows?  I may not wear a skirt in the snow next winter.

I've found transition to include a very steep learning curve.  Anytime anyone is learning a whole lot of things in a short time, that person will make mistakes.  It's just part of the process.

- Kate

A couple of days ago I had to run a few errands and the temp outside was around 40 degrees. I wore a knee length denim skirt and I think i was the only person I saw while I was out (except Pentacostals) wearing a skirt.

I KNOW that I was outside the typical normal dress pattern for the conditions, but I did so for two reasons

First, I'm making up for years of not being able to wear one at all...I LIKE skirts very VERY much;

Second, at my body shape, the sort of causal everyday clothes a lot of cis-women wear without thinking - jeans, sweats, running pants, sweat shirts, etc - effectively squash the femininity of my presentation, so my cold-weather wardrobe is more limited than the typical cis-woman. Hopefully by next winter that will change.

[gqueering]

I've found that as Kate I wave my hands around a lot when I talk.  Now, if you're going to tell me that I shouldn't do that because that's too "->-bleeped-<-", I might say a bad word to you.

- Kate

Hey, I'm no ->-bleeped-<- but I am Greek - I probably wave my hands around more than you do! 

[Dante]

Well, I normally don't use words like 'dude' a lot on the internet, but in real life, I say 'dude' every other sentence. I guess I just try to type how I would talk in real life.

[Yvonne]

I think I've said 'hun' a couple of times on here because I felt the OP deserved it but I don't end every single sentence with 'girl', 'sister', 'sis', 'hun' & 'sweetie'.  That's just dumb & doesn't fit the way I talk or women talk irl.

[chrysalis]

For the most part I think people act exactly how they need to act at any given time.  I don't really believe in 'overacting' -- who am I to decide how much is appropriate use of the word 'hon' and how much is too much?  It's kind of ridiculous.  It's just another form of deciding for other people what should be 'normal', and god knows we suffer enough of other people doing that to us already.

If you don't like it, then don't be around it.  Or stay and complain -- either way.  It's not really my issue.

If you use 'hon' literally every other word then people would be turned off. Further if it was every third word this problem would still exist, and of course doing it every fourth word would also sound odd. The point I'm trying to hammer home is that there is a rate of acceptable use. One hon per ___ words/syllables/sentences/et al.

I don't know what that rate is in any concrete terms, and I doubt any do; however, we all have an internal meter for this sort of thing. Obviously saying 'hon' every second word is going to bury the needle here. Beyond that there are also contextual cues which govern the use of a word like hon. If General Tommy Franks had referred to Dick Cheney as 'hon' there would be an uproar.

So yes it is silly and arbitrary, but that is society. Yes people can overact insofar as they will set off the meters of a majority of people. The social fabric seems to be in constant flux though so it's hard to pin down a categorical value for approapriate use or overuse of the word 'hon'.

[Chamillion]

Hmm I don't think I'm guilty of this, but I also don't see myself from a third person's perspective so I'm probably wrong.  I say mate a lot, and occasionally bro or man.  I think it's just because when I used to say those words, before I started transition, they had a different meaning than when a guy said it.  Lots of girls say man and dude but it's not perceived the same way.. like a guy saying "what's up man" to another guy is bro speak, you're both the same on some level.  A girl saying the same is just a girl using the word man.  I dunno how to describe it haha.  But me saying man to a guy is somewhat validating.  Before, it would be weird if I asked the random kid next to me, "Hey man, did I miss anything last class?" but now it's just normal cos they see me as a guy. 

That's the best I can explain it really

[EveMarie]

Funny, months, no years ago, I started getting my scripts at a certain pharmacy and the woman (sweet little 60+) would always refer to all of her customers as "sweetie". Eventually I started to use it all the time in public, at work, even started referring to my wife as sweetie. So in both male and female mode, it became a part of my verbiage. Then when I came to the forums, a funny thing happened (I know a movie pun) I also saw the use of "hugs", "hun", even "huggles", etc. and I again adapted to using them at times. I consciously try not to "over use" the terms, but I think they're cute at times and can be apropos. Besides, I'm approaching 60 and damn it, I've earned the right to sound how ever I want

hugs, sweetie, Evie

p.s. I also use the "xoxo" (hugs and kisses)