The long rain started early in the morning or probably before i woke up..It was heavy and
grey.It put me in a wierd mood not happy ,not depressed.I looked out the big bay window.I thought about my life and events that had led up to now.The choices i have made.I had a bottle of tequila some margarita mix,a twelve pack of st pauli girl 2 packs of cigarettes and 1-1/2 joints.Well maby a half case of bud also.I drank and smoked and sat on the ledge of the big bay window looking out.I thought about my crossdressing.I knew it was more than a sexual feeling it was some need deep inside my brain.I thought about maby not being the perfect son that parents would be proud of.I thought about how good i felt when i felt pretty.I thought about how good i felt when i could do my hair up and buy a new dress and heels and how i love to wear perfume.But i knew the life i have made ran counter to this.I drank throught the night at the bay window.I awoke a day later on the floor next to the bay window.I had a hangover,i got my head together by miday.I stopped into fashion bug (clothing store).I was dressed when i went in.I was afraid.I had a women come up to me and ask if i needed help.I said i am just browsing she came back with a blouse and she said? you would look nice in this why don't you try it on?."I did just to apease her.but she started talking to me almost like mother to daughter.She told me alot I was almost crying.I wished my mother had gave me that talk .She told me how to be true to myself and not let anyone tell you the way you feel is wrong.I love her like my mother now.Time has passed since then and keeps on counting i am getting older i know that.I am still sitting here dressed with a margararita in my hand while typing this.But the only thing that is different is that i know who i am now.Feelings are not wrong. If you feel that you are gay that is not wrong by no means,ask guys out on a date if you like them.If you feel like you want to be a women,then do
it.buy that dress you want.I am here too tell you that the worst thing is that life has passed you by while you where
hiding.you will wake up one day when you are old and a regret the choices you made.I am not saying that you have to come out of the closet and tell everybody. I am saying that you be true to yourself.I mean if you want to be a women and a mom then maby find a man who has kids and talk to him.This would be such a great world if people were not so afraid.And people like us are the most afraid of the outcomes.When i lost that fear and i could be around men they would tell me i looked nice ,or even" hey that this a nice outfit", it felt good and it gave me more power to be who i am.
