Your personality?

[Carolyn]

I was talking to my boyfriend the other day and we started talking about another transsexaul people that we have seen and have heard about over the years. Basically the ones who do a 180 either during or after transation. Now when you think about this it's a curious thought that comes to my mind. Those who do a 180 aren't fixing the promble presay but adding to it. Think of it like they are removing one skin that isn't them only to put on another skin that isn't them, and then I wonder to themsevles why they aren't happy in thier "new" life, or in this case thier "new" role,

They lose themsevles along the path, as in they don't exist as who they are or who they ever were and never will be. Basis from my life and my view point is thus: I am who I was and who I will ever be. They aren't anyone of who they were and they will never be who they try to be.

Thoughts, Comments?

I shall reply back Later Today with more thoughts on said subject.

[Cindy]

Hi Carolyn,

Not totally sure what you mean. I'm very happy, confident and outgoing as Cindy. I talk to people I relate to people and I'm all in all a happy woman, with some physical bits that need modification. As the male twin I tend to be reclusive and generally don't socialise.
I do know that I'm buying in to a whole new set of problems in my career, in fact I may lose it. This seemed to be horrifying to me just 12 months aga. It doesn't seem that way now. Family wise I have been accepted as me, with no drama. Indeed with a great deal of love and acceptance. Friendship wise I have lots. The male twin doesn't have any.

But yes there are problems. Public acceptance can be a hassle, but the more I live in the world as Cindy the less scary it all is. So what if I'm recognised. No one has been rude to me. I go the shops and the store people know me as Cindy and talk to me. The male twin never got that. OK they may recognise me 'cos I'm the "freak" but no one has said that and no one has acted like that; to my face at least.

I really don't think I have changed, I have the same id. I don't think that can be changed. But then again that may be what drives us.


Cindy

[june bug]

For myself, there was definitely an underlying person who was _not_ the same as the mask I wore most of my life.  Sure, learning to wear the mask added to who I was at my core to some degree, but the core was definitely far different than who I was when I wore the mask.

There are a lot of people from my past who don't appreciate who I am now, but on the same token, they didn't know _me_, they knew the mask wearer, so of course they see the change as being abrupt and harsh... while some, who could see beyond the mask, appreciate the change and understand what was true and what was falsehoods.

I understand it can be tough for people to see someone "do a 180", but sometimes it's for the better, or part of the process to finding one's true self.

Then again, some are simply lost in the chaos.

[Dana_W]

Carolyn,

To the extent I think I follow you I think I might agree.

I have seen transsexuals develop an almost toxic relationship with their past... their skills, their hobbies, their friends... all because they associate them with the past in which they were in such torment. Then they try to live as who they think they are supposed to be. But it's based on other peoples' vision of who they thought they wanted to be. They lose their sense of self, even as they gain the gender they always craved as the bedrock to build a new one.

I don't think I'm in this category, as my post transition life is intended to look a lot like my pre-transition life... only if I'd been born a girl. And that's not holding back from deeper desires. That IS the life I want. (e.g. I don't want to switch from having a successful career to being a stay-at-home, supported by my spouse. That wouldn't be "me.")

And, unless I'm missing your point, that is what you're getting at. The ones who don't think like that are setting themselves up to fail. And... Gosh I would like to help prevent it if I could.

[Quicksand]

I definitely did a 180 after transitioning, but it was honestly an improvement.  Before, so much of my personality stemmed from my discomfort with myself and society's perception of me, as well as my low self-esteem.  As a result I was bitter, self-loathing, aggressive, and emotionally unstable.  Definitely someone I didn't want to be after transitioning!  Now, I'm an extrovert, a good person, and a leader.  I am still friends with everyone from my past and haven't had any trouble with coming to terms with it, and they all agree that I seem much happier now.

I agree with you that I am who I was, but who I was had become obscured with all the psychological defects that can occur when someone has GID.  Personalities are not a stagnant thing, fortunately.  If one wants to change for the better, it's feasible at any age and for any personality.

[Northern Jane]

As "a boy" I never quite fit, certainly not as "normal", but life en femme through my teens just came easily and natural though it was always limited by the physical short-comings. At transition/SRS (age 24) I knew I was very under-developed as a person and had no idea what I was going to be like and I was open to anything. Being totally female opened the doors to my inherent personality and I just blossomed! I really liked who I was because it just came naturally, effortlessly. I didn't try to be this way or that way - I just let it happen. Eventually I looked in "the mirror of life" and thought "Wow! Who'd'a thought...." From a whithering bud to a rose in full bloom....

I didn't "loose myself along the way" but found myself on the other side.

[inoutallabout]

Everyone, no matter what skin they're in, should try to make the most of it.  When I see people investing their peace of mind entirely in their looks, then I see a very unstable peace of mind.  Kind of like investing?  Don't put all your money in one spot, don't put all your eggs in the same basket.  Or, something like that.

A lot of people don't know what they're getting into because they haven't educated themselves thoroughly, or they become so immersed in the prospect of transitioning that they get disconnected from realistic thought processing.  These are things to be mindful of, but don't let yourself overthink it either and shy away from making a decision at all because you're too caught up in weighing the ins and outs.

That's why they have forums like this, to help you figure it out a bit more.

[milktea]

offering a sidenote here: i moved to a new town and cut off ties with my old friends after i started living en fem, but other than that i retained everything else...habits, speech styles, everything. i just couldn't be bothered to come up with different variations for everything i've done for 20+years as a guy.

so a very interesting phenomenum arises: my rather feminine physical appearance come on as making a big contrast with the way i carry myself...my male friends mostly just find it kind of cute, and some girls wonder whether i got lesbian tendencies 

but that doesn't make me want to change myself consciously. i think the most important thing is that you shouldn't feel insecure about your own gender. if you KNOW you are female people will start seeing you as one. being mindful and consciously altering your every established habits is just going to make you come on as being very wierd to others.

[MeghanAndrews]

I think that a lot of transpeople grow into their skin. I don't think it's doing a "180" or anything, I think that transition really starts with coming out to your friends and loved ones. Once you come out, then you can begin to grow. Until you do, it's hard to change without facing a constant barrage of questions and interlopers (I can't believe I just used that word, but it's apt, lol). Once you are out and people know that you will be changing, it kind of opens the door and helps you find your place. I look at it like we all change who we are throughout our lives. I know Interalia has talked about this quite a bit. Like the person I was 30, 20, 10 and 3 years ago is so different than who I am today. At the heart of me, I am still the same caring, loving person who tries to help people when she can, but the exterior looks different.

You said "Think of it like they are removing one skin that isn't them only to put on another skin that isn't them, and then I wonder to themselves why they aren't happy in their "new" life, or in this case their "new" role, I think it's more a case of people not shedding a skin and putting on another skin but more like people growing their hair long or short, gaining or losing weight, or dying their hair. The changes people make not just through transition but in life in general isn't "putting another skin in" it's just shifting some things to make themselves feel more like themselves. I had a friend in high school who was a cheerleader, really cute and in with the "popular" crowd. She had a summer where she started listening to different music, cut and dyed her hair and basically started expressing herself as a punk rock girl, kinda indie/alternative, lots of black, etc. (You know what I mean). She quite cheerleading, dropped her old friends and joined the theater group. That was 20 years ago. Today she works for a non-profit, stills listens to the same music, and dresses like a free spirit. She went from a place where she wasn't herself to where she was really being who she was. She was expressing who she was, what she cared about and let her actions reflect her internal reality. That's more how I think of people who transition. They go from being seen as this person and now they are seen as that person.

I don't think it's fake or bad or acting or anything Meghan

[Marie731]

"Same person. No difference at all... just a different sex." ~ Orlando

[K8]

I am much more outgoing than I was, but it is because I am free now.  My friends say I am the same but obviously much happier.  I didn't want to move from one cage to another.   

But I knew myself pretty well before I started transition.  Perhaps if people are still searching to find the person they are, they may appear quite different after transition.  Some of it might be that they are trying something new, or that they have finally found themselves.  But perhaps sometimes it is that they are falling into a new box and trying to be what they "should" be.  That's a trap, but some of us fall into it even after fighting so hard to get out of it to transition.

Like Jane, I have blossomed.  I feel like a desert flower that finally got that one drop of rain to make it bloom.  The sunshine is wonderful.

Be who you are.

- Kate