I guess I'm passable. I've been living full time outside of work/school/official documentation for several months. Now I'm going at school. The anticipation of running into people I know is worse than actually doing it. So far it's only been passing people briefly in the halls, or me practicing invisibility. Who knows who's actually recognized me, no scenes yet. People from last semester thought I was a chick mostly, anyway.
One guy in one of my classes recognized me and called me by my male name after class when everyone was scrambling and no one heard it, but today after class we talked for a second before he got a call and he was using my female name and friendly. Saves me having to bring that up unless he does.
It'll be fun when I invariably run into the lesbian I met last semester who I only admitted to being bi to.
I am not pretty, in my opinion, but "it's better to be a homely woman than a hot ->-bleeped-<-." I'm also not wearing makeup - I'm so bad at it normally that I haven't even tried. But I'm in a class learning about it. When people have put makeup on me, I feel like I look *GORGEOUS*, at least dead on. But I'm not to the point where I can reproduce that. At least, after over 2 months of my voice being screwed up by being sick, I'm finally getting it back. I've un-trained a lot of muscle memory in that time though :/ My worst nightmare was getting sick and having my voice messed up as I started to go full time, and it happened. But I got through it.
I think the last time I got 'sir' while not at work was back in October, when I was standing there in a miniskirt and knee high boots and a tank top at the ren faire and a woman came up and asked where I got my chicken on a stick. Of course, there's a LOT of crossdressing by men at those places.
I have some coworkers who like to bring customers to me because they know that I'm going to take care of them, but they will of course tell them what a great guy I am. One in particular enjoys trumping me up with puffery - complimentary of course, but when some person is told about what a fantastic guy I am who really knows his stuff, who is a learned gentleman and they come down and meet me they're *very* confused. It's very awkward when I have other customers that I'm dealing with and people come up and broach that topic.
Last time I talked to HR they said that I've got to legally change my name before they'll work with me... but I don't think that's right as my company has a perfect HRC score for trans employees. Once I have the chance, i'll be calling employee assistance. It can take weeks to do that, and especially since I just decided I need to change my last name too, I'm not ready to do that ><
I've been on E since august, but wasnt on the right dose til the start of November.
I will also say that being full time in a consistent social setting with lots of people who do NOT know that I am trans, is a COMPLETELY different experience than being full time when I run errands, shop, live my life, with friends or partners who know my history. But I am starting to feel immersion and having trouble remembering what it was like to live as a guy.
It just really sucks living in a poorly fitting bra, AND being tucked for so many hours of the day. I feel so restricted in my movement.
And lastly, before I stop editing this, I haven't been to work since the 24th of January. I am really not looking forward to pretending to be a guy again. I mean, I don't even remotely *try* to act male but it's very dissonant in my mind to be perceived as such.
Final edit: I guess the fact that when I am forced to out myself to medical personnel or other situations, and people say "you don't look like a guy" means yeah, passable enough.
