thank god i'm not alone

[vrony]

  This is the first time i have ever been on one of these sites and its probably the first time i have ever talked about how i have been feeling all my life. I think everyone on this site are very brave and i cant even imagine being able to tell my partner and kids how i feel. I'm from Liverpool and as you can imagine coming out and telling people how i feel and what i want to be will be the hardest thing i will ever have to do but i need to do it because i cannot carry on living in the wrong body. Has anyon got any ideas how i can approach this because i'm lost and dont know what to do!!!!
The best thing about the internet these days is that when you read about other people in the same situation as myself you realise that its not just me who feels like this and when i hear that wearing your mum and sisters clothes and praying to be a girl when i was very very young,it actually makes sense why i feel the way i am.   

[rejennyrated]

Well the first step is to talk to your GP IN CONFIDENCE and ask specifically to be referred to a Gender Identity Clinic. Make sure that you explain that until you have had a chance to talk with a specialist he IS NOT at liberty to discuss this with your partner or family. Most doctors certainly wouldn't do so anyway - but I still wouldn't take any chances.

Whatever you do DO NOT say anything to your family at this early stage. Wait at least until you have been for your first appointment at the clinic, by which time you may have a clearer idea of what you want to do. The reason I say this is that you don't want to worry them until you have a clearer idea of what you are going to do about it all - and that will come from spending time on places like this, and indeed visiting the clinic.

There is a GIC in Liverpool I think. DON'T let your GP refer you to anywhere other than a specialist gender unit or you may get some screwy general shrink who doesn't really understand the condition. So make sure you insist on being sent to the right place.

In short what I am saying is 1. don't rush anything and 2. don't ignore it and hope it will go away. It won't. So by all means take things nice and gently, but do find some answers.

It's not an easy road to travel - but if it is right for you it may be the only way that you can find pece of mind. Don't make any decisions yet - just take some steps to find some proper professional help.

Whatever you eventually decide to do- I wish you good luck and much happiness.

[spacial]

Added to Jenny's points, I do urge you to read some of the stuff on Susans.

There is a lot to learn about yourself. There are a lot of ideas of how others have coped.

But more importantly, by learning what others say, you can put your own ideas and feelings into a better perspective.

I now a bit about Liverpool, but only been there once. I do have some understanding of the culture there.

But remember, what all of us here have learnt, you are not alone here.

[vrony]

Thanks for your support on both of my posts. Its such a relief that i think i have took the first step by talking about how i feel because as i'm sure you have felt how i feel when you are alone with this burning desire to correct the wrongs that nature has forced upon us. Other people just dont understand how i feel because in work you read stories about people like myself and my colleauges laugh and joke about it and i just sit there and think if you felt how i feel you would have a different opinion. There is acually a girl in our work who is going through gender reasignment and she gets remarks made about her behind her back and i just think how brave she is. I'm dying to go over to her and talk to her and tell her how brave she is but i would have people asking me what am i doing.  Its terrible feeling like i do and having to listen to it what other people think of her, i just feel like saying leave alone youo dont understand she deserves a medal. Anyway i am going on a bit but i can feel the weight coming off my shoulders, it probably some form of counciling. Once again thanks for your support and i will be a frequent visitor to this site now i have finally registered.   

[spacial]

Got to her and say it.

[rejennyrated]

Seconded.

Although you should also remember the old saying that what the eye doesn't see or the ear doesn't hear the heart won't grieve over.

She may not know what people say behind her back and if so it's best that she doesn't... because if she doesn't then it can't upset her.

But my guess is that you could both help each other. So find an opportunity to talk to her.

I transitioned when I was very young and when it was far less common than it is today. I will always be grateful for the people around me who were willing to openly accept me, and by their acceptance stopped other less sympathetic voices from swaying the majority who didn't have any strong views either way.

So please, if you do nothing else, talk to her.

[vrony]

sorry just getting back i've been on a run. I would love to go over and talk to her but i think she would think i was taking the micky out of her or something, another thing is finding the right time because she does have quite a few freinds as well who are very supportive which is good but they are all women. It seems like that it is mostly the men who have a problem with it, (nothing new there then) but i think as i start on my journey i will try to make an effort to speak to her because I already feel better about it just by talking to you all or as Janet would put it my new sisters  (i like the sound of that). I should of done this a long time ago because even though you read about people in my situation its different than actually talking to people, it actually feels real and not just some dream i'm having that i cant tell anyone about. You can tell i havnt spoke to anyone about this LOL

[K8]

Welcome to Susan's, Vrony. 

First, some business:

Be sure to look under the Announcements heading.  There you will find the rules we live by in this little world of ours: "Site Terms of Service and Rules to Live By", "Standard Terms and Definitions", and "Post Ranks".  Look through the other stuff there, too, like "Age and the Forums".

On a more personal note, you are not alone.  Many on this site have been through what you are going through.  I live in the States and don't know the British system, so I would say to follow Jenny's advice.  I think you want to talk over your feelings with someone neutral before trying to open up to your family.

But look around here.  There are threads on coming out.  And there are many here who will be happy to answer your questions.

For me the beginning stages were the most difficult – coming to terms with who and what I am, figuring out what I wanted and needed to do, and then coming out to my friends and family.  There are plenty of bumps later, but I think those were the hardest.

Good luck, Vrony.  Happy exploring.

- Kat

[vrony]

i think the coming out bit will be the hardest, i dont think my son will understand because he is a proper boy, football, getting muddy and all that and i couldnt see him accepting me but maybe after a good few years, the work situation wouldnt be that bad but i would definately have to find a job elsware because i've been working at the same place for the last 10 years and have got a lot of alpha male friends who just wouldnt get why i am doing this. Anyway talking about work, i've got to go to bed now and try and get some sleep, i could talk on this for hours, never mind there's always tommorow, i will be visiting this site regularly now and i think i will make it my mission to report on my long and winding road starting with the GP tommorow. By the way i've read T+Cs page because i thought i had done something wrong because i keep getting reminded to read it and i was getting worried i'd said the wrong things (silly me) I'll be back

[Janet_Girl]

Never assume someone won't accept or understand your decision to transition.  Some will and some won't.  The ones that do will be supporters, and the ones that don't as just an opportunity to educate.

Kate and I always seem to be in a race to tell new people about the rules, because we live by them.  And don't worry if you break one, because you will be reminded.    Just use common sense and you will be fine. 

Just have fun here and make friends.

[vrony]

thanks and good night because unfortunately i've got work in the morning, (gutted) although its not that late where you are, i keep forgetting that you are in the states, its amazing how the devide between cultures and countries is getting narrower with the internet we all used to be so different amazing, catch up tommorow when i can take a good look at whats on this website, theres a lot to read.     

[Dante]

Not sure I know what advice to give, but welcome to Susan's! I know the feeling of relief knowing for sure finally that you aren't alone in the world. Even though I can't give any advice, I'm sure someone else here can!

[Cindy]

Hi vrony

I'm originally from Liverpool, came to Australia ages ago. Don't panic. Take your time. It can be very exciting and also stressful when you finally meet people who not only understand but also care.It doesn't mean you have to go any quicker or slower than YOU want. There are lots of nice people here who have done lots of things, so just chat for a while until you feel comfy.

Hugs
Cindy

[vrony]

Hi Cindy,
Thanks for your support, its nice to hear from someone from Liverpool, i'm sure you understand me when i say that being from Liverpool which as you know is very working class orientated city, its going to be even more difficult coming out and letting friends and family know what i intened to do. Is that why you went to Australia all them years ago, although Australia is probably more male orientated than Liverpool. I am going to take it one step at a time though and i have just made an appointment at my GP's for Wed morning for him to refer me to a GIC hopefully in my area, do you know whether there is one or not.  I cant wait but i am very nervous. I bet the doctor in all his years practicing in Liverpool has never had anyone ask what i am going to ask him so it will be interesting to see his response, i'm sure his face will say it all, but at least if he refers me to a GIC at least they will be more understanding of my situation and hopefully they will beleive that i am serious about this. I will keep updating how i am doing on this site because at the moment this site is the only place i can talk about it with other people in my situation.

vrony

P.S I keep forgetting your round the other side of the world and i have only just noticed that you are offline probabaly because its the middle of the night there.

[K8]

i think the coming out bit will be the hardest, i dont think my son will understand because he is a proper boy, football, getting muddy and all that and i couldnt see him accepting me but maybe after a good few years, the work situation wouldnt be that bad but i would definately have to find a job elsware because i've been working at the same place for the last 10 years and have got a lot of alpha male friends who just wouldnt get why i am doing this.

As Janet said, don't assume anyone will accept or reject you.  It is really hard to tell what their reaction will be.  I have a very masculine friend - big, a Harley rider, conservative politically, great hunter and fisherman.  He was fine with it when I came out to him.  In fact he said, in his deep masculine voice: "It takes a lot of balls to do what you're doing."  I just kind of went ummm.

Good luck Vrony.  (Sorry for the extra reminder to read the rules. )

- Kate)

[eshaver]

Gee, What needs to be said has already been said ! I thought I was alone and then years later , I met ms Christene Jorgensen in 1970 at a lecture at Virginia Commonwealth University. A couple of yeasrs ealier , I had snuck out to see the Movie , The Christene Jorgen Story ion 1968. Finially I realized , I wasn't alone . The talk we had after her lecture , well , I'll carry those secrets with me to the grave . Still , you arent alone here dear! Let us know how we can help , feel free to P- M me too ! Ellen

[Cindy]

Hi again vrony,

I came to Australia for a number of reasons but to have SRS was one, still moving that way due to alot of issues. But I lived my teenager years as female in Liverpool to a great extent. My parents couldn't deal with it but my sister was OK. Sadly I did get raped by skin heads who decided I needed to feel like a real girl. So do be careful. Women learn a lot about self protection through out their growing up. And people presenting as males don't get to learn the same lessons. So do be careful when you start presenting as the woman you are. There is a lot of advice on this site about those issues as well.

I have to admit that I have had very little negative response from people male or female. My male friends have either accepted me or ignore me. If they ignore me they were never friends anyway. A bit like Kate reported, a guy I worked with for ages, a very macho Aussie guy, cricket, booze surfing etc. Accepted me straight away. One of his first sentences was "S**t, it must have been f****g hell (he is an Aussie) for you mixing with us guys all telling dirty stories and all the guy stuff" He and his wife come around to dinner and have invited me to their house and introduced me to their friends without a hint of any disdain or comment. I am Cindy to them; I do think if one of their friends ever had a negative response and insulted or slighted me, a six foot five knuckle butty ( ) would be delivered.

So do be careful but also be positive. It is YOUR life. The only one you get, so do what YOU want. And read around the posts here, there is a heap of information and very nice people.

PM me at anytime. I think I may have to start a Scouse Sheila thread . Now that should confuse the USA Girls

Hugs
Cindy

[eshaver]

Great story there Cindy! thank you so very much for sharing that experence with us too ! Ellen

[vrony]

Hi to whoever is browsing,
I am just dropping a quick note to say with regards to me GP appointment today i had to re book for tommorow morning because my daughter has been sick an i had to take her to her GP for medicine etc and i couldnt think of a good enough excuse. I feel guilty because i was gutted i couldnt go  more than worrying about my daughter especially as i have been building up courage to do it for days but my daughters health is more important but i just couldnt stop thinking about it.

It just reminded me that life has a habit of throwing stuff in front of you when you dont expect it to so i'll have to do it allagain tommorow, "patience is a virtue". Anyway thats it i just felt i had to keep everyone updated as promised.   

[Janet_Girl]

Vrony,

Life and family sometimes may have a way of getting in our way.  But your daughter's health comes first.  You get there.  Hang in there,Girl.