Is it possible to be accepted as a gay man?

[zombiesarepeaceful]

Ok, so, I'm told that when I'm dancing (I mean dancing for fun, I don't do this sort of dancing when I'm performing), that I look flamboyant and gay. The person who said this said that by doing that, I point out that I'm biologically female and it makes me not a man anymore. Yeah, bull->-bleeped-<-. Sometimes I like to act like a dork, skip around, I wear pink with no shame....etc. Sure ok..I look like a gay boy sometimes. I get hit on by gay men sometimes at the gay bar, but mostly they just scrutinize me cause they're not sure what to think I am, genderwise or sexual orientation-wise, but I'm getting more facial hair so should look more masculine soon.

ANYHOW, I've only been with females but I consider myself pansexual. Meaning I like people for who they are, not what they have between their legs. I have been attracted to mostly females in the past, but there have been a few gay men that I liked. My question is, what do gay males generally think of us? Most of my gay male friends have said it would be weird and impossible to get past the lack of equipment down there.

[Artificial Man]

This may come from the wrong person completely... But there was a time I identified myself as being gay - even though I didn't identify myself as male (I identified myself as someone belonging to the "third gender"), and I can tell you I was always very attracted to transmen. well, I've been attracted to boyish girls from the time I was a child, so my attraction to transmen never was that strange to me at all.

But based on my experiences, I can say that there must be gays out there who wouldn't mind dating a transman at all. But yeah, It's gonna be hard to find one, because stuff like that narrow the potential partners drastically.

[Nimetön]

Ok, so, I'm told that when I'm dancing (I mean dancing for fun, I don't do this sort of dancing when I'm performing), that I look flamboyant and gay. The person who said this said that by doing that, I point out that I'm biologically female and it makes me not a man anymore. Yeah, bull->-bleeped-<-. Sometimes I like to act like a dork, skip around, I wear pink with no shame....etc. Sure ok..I look like a gay boy sometimes. I get hit on by gay men sometimes at the gay bar, but mostly they just scrutinize me cause they're not sure what to think I am, genderwise or sexual orientation-wise, but I'm getting more facial hair so should look more masculine soon.

With regard to the comment on dancing, your commentator is, at best, way out in left field.  Don't bother with this sort of relativism; existence precedes consciousness.

With regard to compatibility with gay males, you'll be fine.  The bottoms won't be too thrilled by your anatomy, but many tops either don't care or even like the idea, and your height and facial features make you attractive to many.  The other gay transmen here can tell you more about their experiences.

As a word of advice from my own experience, you may find that your upbringing has provided you with body language and eye contact timing patterns that can make some of the tops follow you like puppies, and given the subtle nature of these traits, you're almost certainly unaware of the extent of your advantage.  Don't hesitate to experiment with it, if you think that this manner suits you; femme gay males are still males.

- N

[sneakersjay]

As with any dating partner, male or female, it depends on the person.

I have finally accepted that I'm gay.  Okay, so that took longer than it took to admit I'm trans.  There was a time where I thought I'd never date a transguy.  I thought that at least one of us would need the factory installed equipment.

But I've realized it's not the equipment I'm attracted to, it's masculinity.  If a transguy is masculine (and I've met a few) I'm very attracted.  I'm also attracted to masculine men, not feminine, stereotypically gay men.

I will have aftermarket equipment soon, which I hope will make me more acceptable to gay men (not that I think I need to have surgery to be accepted; I'm having surgery because *I* need my own penis for my own reasons!).

But there are people out there who will date us.

Jay

[Jeatyn]

I don't think most gay men would have even considered it, so wouldn't be either for or against the idea until it was actually presented to them.

I have actually come across a LOT of transguy admirer groups on yahoo while browsing (gay men who like us specifically or gay men who just happen to have a trans partner)

Just like with cis relationships, you just have to find the right person.

[Alessandro]

Short useless answer:  I bloody hope so!

Believe me I am so insecure about this question too.  I identify as a gay man but of course have this body...  my experiences are limited but like everyone says I think if you are attractive anyway or you get to know them and they like you, the equipment thing is less of an issue - especially if the man in question tops exclusively.  I used to panic about this a lot, always searching 'ftm gay men' and stuff in Google.  It's a bit superfluous really, it all depends on how you 'click' with the person.  Theres like 6.8 billion people or something in the world, chances are that of the sizeable gay male community, many will be at least willing to try with a transman.  That's what I'm hoping for anyway. 

[VampyreAri]

Well speaking from experience, yeah it's possible to be accepted as a gay guy. Even without the factory equipment. And even as a top, like myself.

Sure, some and probably most gay guys won't be willing to be with a transguy. They'll find it just too squicky or something. But there's still a sizeable population of those that would be and are willing, even if they've never so much as entertained the idea before.

I mean personally, I've been with my boyfriend for nearly seven months now. So yeah, it can work out. You just have to find the right guy.

[Vancha]

I thought I was straight, but I have no idea how I thought that.  I think I'm pansexual - or something like that - but I really love the idea of being with a man, and my sexual attraction to women is practically nil.  I don't mind what his past is like, whether he is trans or cis.  It is about the person, and in that case, I will most likely simply go after the person that also does not judge on the basis of such shallow factors.  I think there's always a chance.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

Yeah, I'm a top. And the only gay or feminine thing about my body language is how I dance, so I'm told. I've always had more masculine body language, even as a kid. So masculine that my mom said I always walked "like a farmer" and everyone pretty much saw me as a boy cause of how I held myself.

I feel like most of my gay friends who I talk to who seem to have an interest in me immediately push it out of their brains that I could be a possibility cause of what I have. But if they're that shallow in the first place, screw them.

[maxxwell]

From my own experiences, it is possible to be accepted as a gay male. Currently, I am dating a cis gay male. He is very kind and supportive when it comes to trans stuff and is always wanting to know more. It's not just him though. Before him, I dated his ex(which is how we met). He knew fully about me being trans and was very supportive as well. There have been quite a few cis males I've met who, once I told them of my situation, were very supportive and still interested in me. I would also like to add that while I can be both a top and bottom(depending on the person I'm with), all the males who I have dated after coming out as trans have been bottoms. They all seemed perfectly content with the idea of me being top.

So, yes. I believe it is highly possible to be accepted as a gay male. You just sort of have to find the right people.

[Nimetön]

This could work for you or against you. Just phrase it in a good way. "I'm always ready and can be any size you want! "

"Mine is bigger than yours, and I can change sizes."

- N

[zombiesarepeaceful]

^^LMao, the last two responses had me rolling. Thanks for the humor added to this, guys.

On a side note, last night was my 3rd time performing and went great! There were several girls who didn't believe I was trans! Guys...idk...they're a little less open about that.

[JakeDenver]

I identify as pansexual also. I am highly attracted to other transmen and some more masculine gay men. I dont have much to say about passing as a gay man but just dont give up. Its the other persons fault if they dont take the time to get to know someone just because the equipment downstairs is off from what they usually like. I look like a really masculine guy but get to know me and Im really fem. Just ask my friends. So dont take the dancing comment to heart. Just do what you do. Its your life.

[sneakersjay]

Well I have a date with a gay man tomorrow... nothing serious, just a meet n greet thingy, but it's a start.  So... we'll see.

I also joined a gay men's group, but unfortunately one guy there knows I'm trans.  He found out at PFLAG, and what is said at PFLAG stays at PFLAG if he honors that... I hope he does. I did say I wasn't out as trans to him at PFLAG so I hope so.

Anyway...

Jay

[zombiesarepeaceful]

Good luck Jay

Jake it's cool to know I'm not alone in the pansexual thing. Most people don't have a damn clue what that means.

[JakeDenver]

I dont like people for thier covering or whats between thier legs. I like whats between the ears. I have always been that way. Ya looks help a bit but not being so attractive myself i go for brains and personality. Choker a lot of people that hang out where we do, say they are pansexual but sometimes I just dont believe them.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

Really? When people have asked me what my sexual orientation is...which I do get alot there...they give me this blank stare when I say pansexual, and I have to explain it to them. With all the drama that's been going on there lately idk what to think when I talk to people, if they're lying or not. I'm just glad I've managed so far to stay out of it.

[Mateo]

there are men who are exclusively attracted to transguys, and they identify with being gay. Myself, i'm pansexual.
I think you can be accepted as a gay man. Just need to find the people who are open minded to it.
We have good luck with bisexual men alot of the time. In my experience.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

See, my greatest thing is that I could absolutely not be with anyone who saw me as a female. In spite of my body. I see the mind and body as separate and we're male spirits trapped in female bodies..but I'm strange.

[Mateo]

See, my greatest thing is that I could absolutely not be with anyone who saw me as a female. In spite of my body. I see the mind and body as separate and we're male spirits trapped in female bodies..but I'm strange.

I completely understand. I'm the same way. I say the spill about male spirits or souls trapped in female bodies also. Guess I'm strange too?