Transsexual feelings at puberty

[Undecided]

Hi, I'm new to these forums but I had a question on my mind, and i can't find the answer anywhere on the web.
So it's this:
I've seen that most peoples trans feelings have been there since birth..
I'm a younger boy, but my trans feelings started at around 13.
Is this normal?

[Janet_Girl]

Many don't come to realize that they are suffering from GI until they are older.  Just because one might know something is wrong when they are much younger, does not mean that you are not having gender identity issues.

Is if you could go see a gender therapist.

[Arch]

Hi, Undecided. Well, if you want to know whether you are typical, that I can't say. But it's my understanding that there's a broad range of what can be considered normal. The trans people I know started having "trans" feelings in early childhood, in adolescence, or in adulthood. Some of them had pretty happy childhoods. Some of them felt that SOMEthing was wrong, but they didn't know what until they were well into adulthood.

In other words, they are all over the map.

Some trans people are told that they aren't really trans if they don't have these feelings from youngest childhood. In my opinion, this is balderdash.

Welcome to Susan's. I hope we can give you the support you need.

[Janet_Girl]

By the way Undecided,

Welcome to our little family. Over 4200 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another menber.

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Hugs and Love,
Janet

[SilverShadow]

First of all, welcome to Susan's, Undecided.

About your question: I myself swear I had absolutely no idea about being transgendered before I was a couple of monts away from turning 18. Well, maybe some repressed thoughts faintly surfacing every now and then but that's it. Then again, it probably had a lot to do with the fact that I knew next to nothing about the subject back then. Now, just nine months later I'm sure this is who I am. And believe me, I had the same doubts you have now. Age 13 actually makes a lot of sense. The keyword here is puberty... What you're describing is totally normal.

[Nero]

Hi Undecided.
Puberty definitely can bring out feelings that may have lain dormant, as your body rapidly becomes more representative of one sex or another.

[Starscrash]

Just my personal experience, but things definitely changed when I hit puberty.  My earliest memory of feeling that I should be a girl was when I was 6, but for a while it just felt like that was part of who I was.  It wasn't until 13-14 that I really started to feel like "hey, this is awful, I just can't be a guy." 

[pebbles]

It's not clear what counts as "normal"

But your not necessarily alone I wasn't a particularly girlie young child although I have got some irregular memories which could imply GID at a young age I also have many memories that do not, behaviours that are typical young boy behaviours. And I don't recall any particular desire to be accepted as a girl, although I wasn't bothered if I was mistaken for one.
In any case I cannot remember my motivation behind any of said activities So I'm cautious about using any memories from that period as evidence.

My first distinct symptomatic signs began at age 11 we were asked to pray to god as it was a religious school and be thankful for various things we have, instead of whispering the mantra they were reading off that I greedily pleaded with god in my prayers to make me a girl.
The feelings became exponentially more acute as I entered puberty I found my changes to be disgusting and monstrous these certainly catalysed in my mind what I silently wished for in my Vivid daydreams about an imaginary female doppelgänger going about everyday life. Added to a massive psychological rejection of my male attributes resulting in extreme behaviour.

[JenAtLast]

It definitely varies with each one of us.

For me, I can remember saying a prayer every night that I would wake up a girl, and that was around age 5.  I wanted to be a ballerina sooo bad at that age.  I got caught "dressed" for the first (yes, first) time was 4 or 5.  My mom thought it was a fluke.  Wrong.

Puberty was sheer hell.  I wanted so badly for my breasts to develop and to go do girly things like shop, have my nails done, etc.  I've had a weight problem since puberty and my therapist believes that it's directly related to my ->-bleeped-<- and disliking my male parts.

[K8]

Welcome to Susan's, Undecided.

The age of realization can vary widely.  I knew at age 4 that I should be a girl, but there others here who didn't realize it until they were in their 40s.  Age doesn't seem to matter.  Almost all of us have doubts for one reason or another, and we go on from where we are now.

Look around this site.  There's lots of helpful information and helpful people.  Happy exploring.

- Kate

[rejennyrated]

Hey Undecided

Don't worry, you are quite normal. Some of us do indeed realise when we are younger, as it happens I knew from almost my earliest memories, but many don't figure it out until they are a lot older. 13 is actually still pretty young as these things go.

The trouble is a lot of the early text books on the subject wrongly tried to use the age at which one realised as an indication of how deeply ingrained the feeling were, and so began the cult of youth, because of course the patients all read the textbooks too. In the early days lot of patients would claim to have realise at a young age just so the doctors wouldn't question their motivation.

Happily these days the doctors are more enlighted and so the truth can be told which is that those who, like me, not only realised at a young age, but also can show evidence of having acted on that knowledge, are in a pretty small minority. The reality is that many more people realise at the onset of puberty than do so before.

So relax. You are fine. Your only question now is what you want to do about it...

[Silver]

I did not feel trans-anything nor was I really gender variant in any way until puberty. Just hated puberty, it made me uncomfortable. Came out to myself at 15.

Not all transsexuals know it since birth. Perhaps see a therapist or give yourself time to think about it, make sure it's not a phase and all that.

[placeholdername]

For me, thoughts along the lines of "I want to be a girl" or "I would be happier if I was a girl" came around puberty, maybe 6th grade or so.  But the feelings that those thoughts formed from came much earlier.  I never really had the whole "I've always been a girl and there's been some kind of birth mistake" feeling, but I don't really believe in the idea of male/female essence .

[lauren3332]

I am 24 and I started to have just feelings of crossdressing around 15-16 and it was not until 19 that I thought I could be trans.  I am 24 now and I know I am too much of "the man" to be a woman but these thoughts come really strong at times.  When I am doing school work it does not seem to bother me too much or when I really get into music.  This is why I doubt my own self.  I would love to be known as Lauren but I cannot fully convince myself 100%.  Based on how it all started puts me on shaky grounds to be considered trans.  I used to feel I created these feelings somehow and I cannot seem to figure out how my brain did it, but the feelings will always be with me.  I hope you find the help you need.  Do not wait like I am doing. 

[pebbles]

I am 24 and I started to have just feelings of crossdressing around 15-16 and it was not until 19 that I thought I could be trans.  I am 24 now and I know I am too much of "the man" to be a woman but these thoughts come really strong at times.  When I am doing school work it does not seem to bother me too much or when I really get into music.  This is why I doubt my own self.  I would love to be known as Lauren but I cannot fully convince myself 100%.  Based on how it all started puts me on shaky grounds to be considered trans.  I used to feel I created these feelings somehow and I cannot seem to figure out how my brain did it, but the feelings will always be with me.  I hope you find the help you need.  Do not wait like I am doing.

Oh you sound just like me 2 years ago : ( And I remember how painfully sad I was. I hope you can find your way Lauren.

[rejennyrated]

I am 24 and I started to have just feelings of crossdressing around 15-16 and it was not until 19 that I thought I could be trans.  I am 24 now and I know I am too much of "the man" to be a woman but these thoughts come really strong at times.  When I am doing school work it does not seem to bother me too much or when I really get into music.  This is why I doubt my own self.  I would love to be known as Lauren but I cannot fully convince myself 100%.  Based on how it all started puts me on shaky grounds to be considered trans.

Lauren - (and indeed Pebbles and anyone else who shares/has shared those feelings) I really wouldn't ever pre-judge anything in this world.

Let the therapy tell you the answer to that. I have seen many many people who before transition would have been considered by many as "too much of the man" and many of them have gone on to prove everybody wrong.

You aren't on shaky ground at all. It is the early transitioners like me that are the odd ones out here... not you. So don't let anyone put you down and more importantly don't put yourself down! You can be whatever you want, irrespective of what age you start at, and that is the truth!

[spacial]

The trouble is a lot of the early text books on the subject wrongly tried to use the age at which one realised as an indication of how deeply ingrained the feeling were,

Like K8, I also knew when I was 4 years old.

But the problems are more complicated than can be addressed by a single theory.

Perhaps the biggest problem is the reluctance of many to face up to themselves. Society tends to see strong, virile young men who are a 'hit with the ladies' as being the ideal for example. But things are further complicated by some TG people reporting their are more attracted to member opposite to their birth gender, for example.

Others report they are attracted to both sexes. Personally, I hate the term bisexual.

I suggest what you do is look at your feelings and think carefully about what you want from your life.

[Undecided]

Thanks for the great replies everyone, now i have some thinking to do...

[Carlita]

Thanks for the great replies everyone, now i have some thinking to do...

Something to add to your thought-process is this ... IT WON'T GO AWAY

I, too, realised that I was 'different' when I was 13 or 14. A couple of years later, I happened to see a newspaper serialisation of a book called Connundrum - the autobiography of a British journalist called James Morris who had a sex-change and became Jan Morris - and understood for the first time what, exactly I was. I used to lie in the bath, looking at the stuff between my legs that I didn't want, imagining some disease or injury that would force the doctors to cut it all off and remake me as a girl ...

... fast forward a few years and I go and see a shrink for the first time and he tells me, no, I'm not really transsexual. These are just harmless fantasies. It's not real ... And like an idiot I believe him ...

... fast forward through almost three decades of partnership and marriage with a wonderful, incredibly patient wife, during which I torture myself wondering why I can't be more turned on by the beautiful woman in my bed ...

... until I finally admit to myself that I am and always have been transsexual and that no matter how well I can act the part of a man - and 99% of the time that's a very good act - I should be living as a woman, because that is my true identity. And the way I feel at 51 is EXACTLY how I felt at 15.

So my point is: be honest, really honest with yourself. Ask yourself who and what you really are. And then, above all else, 'to thine own self be true'. As long as you do that, you won't go too far wrong ...

[Julie Wilson]

Hi, I'm new to these forums but I had a question on my mind, and i can't find the answer anywhere on the web.
So it's this:
I've seen that most peoples trans feelings have been there since birth..
I'm a younger boy, but my trans feelings started at around 13.
Is this normal?

When I started going though puberty I knew for certain that something was dreadfully wrong.