Transsexual feelings at puberty

[Undecided]

I think I'm going to let this rest for a while ... I'm actually not sure wether I really want this or not.
I just don't know what to do.. (I personally think a gender therapist isnt going to help, i dont like shrinks... ._.)
Anyway thank you people for the support =D

[Pippa]

That;s when it hit me.   I was always different from the norm.   It was only when things started to change at puberty when I saw the wrong changes happening.   It has taken me another thirty years to allow the true me to flourish.

[lauren3332]

Can you explain more about how you are feeling so to speak?  You kind of gave us a general overview, but maybe if you could go into detail a bit more about what it is you are feeling we can better assist you. 

[elementalincognitus]

i guess im sortof along the lines of pippa.... but for me i only waited 12 years....

yeah, i was different all my childhood, parents knew it, and unfortunately so did the kids at school... i didnt know exactly what was wrong with me until i hit puberty late at 15 or so.  then, i felt like my body was off the tracks but i was too scared to do anything about it.  now im 27 and in therapy wishing i was stronger back then....could have saved myself from alot of dangerous behavior and pain. 

good luck, OP....just dont fool yourself into thinking it will be easier if you hide it, because it wont. i think thats probably a good piece of advice for anyone just dropping by here and undecided.  deal with it asap- a good gender therapist is not some factory mill 'shrink' - ive been to one of those...   

[Eva Marie]

For me, it was little clues - getting picked on during school - my dad making some certain comments - being physically small, and having some feminine features - a feeling of not really fitting in with men.

Then, at age 45, I figured it out. The internet is a wonderful thing.

So, you can "feel" it at a young age and discover it much later on.

[Undecided]

Well, it all started at 13 as you already know and it built up from there.
Dreams where i was a girl then later i would think like what i would do in situations if i was a girl..
Then i started thinking how would i look in those clothes..
Ugh well thing is i have those feelings one day but not the next.. its like on/off

[rejennyrated]

In all honesty whatever you decide to do, or not do, ultimately it is your life and your decision to make.

But if I may be permitted to make one small observation, there are far too many people on this board who have tried to ignore the problem. Like you they "don't like shrinks" and they think that they can deal with the problem on their own... Mostly they find out later on that they were wrong, and then they spend years regretting that they didn't at least explore their feelings when they were younger.

You don't have to do what I did and start transitioning in childhood, you don't have to DO anything, but please don't think that the feelings will go away, or imagine that you can beat them all by yourself. They are a part of you, and if you try to repress them they will only grow stronger, so the only question is, how do you reach a working accomodation with them? That may not involve transition, but it does need an answer, and for most people some form of therapy is the only reliable way to get there.

[Carlita]

In all honesty whatever you decide to do, or not do, ultimately it is your life and your decision to make.

But if I may be permitted to make one small observation, there are far too many people on this board who have tried to ignore the problem. Like you they "don't like shrinks" and they think that they can deal with the problem on their own... Mostly they find out later on that they were wrong, and then they spend years regretting that they didn't at least explore their feelings when they were younger.

You don't have to do what I did and start transitioning in childhood, you don't have to DO anything, but please don't think that the feelings will go away, or imagine that you can beat them all by yourself. They are a part of you, and if you try to repress them they will only grow stronger, so the only question is, how do you reach a working accomodation with them? That may not involve transition, but it does need an answer, and for most people some form of therapy is the only reliable way to get there.

Hear, hear!! But one other thing ... try to make sure you have an understanding therapist with a full comprehension of and sympathy for Gender Incongruity issues. As some posters on here have recently testified, there are still some hateful, bigoted, professionally incompetent people out there, masquerading as therapists, who attack young people for their transgender feelings, deny their validity and end up attacking and diminishing the very clients they are being paid to help.

[Sally7414]

Welcome Undecided

I think it hits different people at different times. You know something doesn't add up, but you don't know what it is. I myself am trying to come to terms with this very issue now later in life.

You have found a very good site for questions and answers, and support.

Diffently try to find a good therapist who can help you deal with these issues.

Good luck with your journey.

Hugs,
Sally

[Arch]

I personally think a gender therapist isnt going to help, i dont like shrinks...

Undecided, please try to keep an open mind about therapists. I had a not-so-good experience with one and then a bad experience with the next. It hurt me so much that I swore off therapy for life. In fact, I saw therapists as a little less reliable and trustworthy than witch doctors.

This state lasted for about fifteen years. When I came back out of the closet, it didn't take me long to realize that my life depended on talking to a professional. I'm not saying that this will happen to you; I'm not saying that therapy is for everybody. But a good therapist for people like us (trans and considering transition) can be a godsend.

I was lucky and found someone compatible, someone I could trust. Now I know that some therapists are okay.

I hate to think what I would have done without him.

[Flan]

Undecided, please try to keep an open mind about therapists.
<snip>

+1
the script kiddies at the U of MN PHS made me swear off therapy for a while until coaxed (by the other chat staff) into trying again, which lead me to the one whom I'm seeing. (which lead to getting a lot more then gender stuff dealt with)

[cynthialee]

Well, it all started at 13 as you already know and it built up from there.
Dreams where i was a girl then later i would think like what i would do in situations if i was a girl..
Then i started thinking how would i look in those clothes..
Ugh well thing is i have those feelings one day but not the next.. its like on/off

Hello Sweetie welcome to the group. This is a nice place.
For me I always knew there was something wrong even from early childhood. However I didnt understand until I was 9 and I truely had to have it put in my face. I didnt understand why I was 'weird' until I saw a Donahue show on transsexual women.
It took me 32 years fighting it before a nerous breakdown finaly craked me.
Get that gender therapist and figure this out young because trust me 32 years is a long time to spend in GID hell.

[gennee]

It's nothing out of the ordinary. Some people don't get those feeling until puberty. I didn't discover my own trangender feelings until I was fifty-six. I'm sixty-one now. 

Gennee

[Lyric]

I've spent many years reading people's transgender stories and it's always seemed to me that the first realizations or inclinations seem to begin either very young-- like age 5 or 6-- or at puberty. I've often called them the 13-ers. I'm one myself.

One thing I'd suggest that you think about, though, is that transgender isn't necessarily an either/or thing. We live in a society that goes to great effort to believe there are only 2 gender identities. I think some transgendered people get caught in that myth also, such that they feel they must force themselves into either the masculine or feminine mold even when it's not truly right for them. It's not easy to be a gender non-conformist, and it takes a good bit of creativity. But the often ignored fact is that we are all individuals and must create our lifestyle on our own terms.

I've conceded to the reality that I possess a need to experience aspects of both the masculine and the feminine in my identity and have learned to really enjoy it, but it's no off-the-shelf lifestyle. The best advice I can give is to make a habit of looking deeply into yourself and live life on your own terms.

Lyric

[MissLiliana]

Started when I was like 13... I began cross dressing at around 16, I'm almost 19 now and just starting therapy and hair removal.

I remember when I was young i would always pick the female character in games, etc. I was also always thin, not muscular, dunno just never felt right.

[Northern Jane]

How old you are when you figure it out depends on a lot of factors, mainly on how well you get by in your birth sex and how intensely you feel "wrong" in your own body.

I didn't realize there was a problem until I was 8 years old (because I thought I WAS a girl) and from 8 to puberty was just confusing because I still thought I was a girl but knew my body wasn't normal. Puberty started World War 3 between me and my parents and between me and the medical community - but that was a LONG time ago.