Is their some hope for us poors??? Need to vent

[Matthew J. F]

I haven't been on here for a while because my computer took a serious crash and wasn't able to come on.

Anyhow as I'm continuing to do my research about FTM transition and the cost.... it just totally blew me apart of ever transitioning into the man that I'm suppose to be. It had lead me into a great deal of depression and thought of just quitting and to consider myself as a crazy person with a gender disorder, like the world of psychiatry would classified us as.

I am having a hard time paying to keep a roof over my head (the loan modification that Obama signed doesn't seem to be working very much) and to provide food for I , my father and my animals so honestly theirs no way that I can afford T and couldn't even start saving if I wanted to. I know well enough that my insurance company, Medicare, would never agree to pay for T.

I don't mean to sound religious and I am sorry if I offend anyone but the god that everybody was telling me about back when I was a christian was all mighty and powerful and couldn't do no wrong... I found myself strongly disagreeing with these people as I grew older and wiser. The way I see if is if God was perfect then why are we paying for his mistakes? If anything god should be getting the bill for all of this that he has caused us. I had denounced myself as a Christan and went to Agnostic atheism.

[Silver]

Agnostic atheism? I thought there was only one type of atheist.

Wish I could help you, but I can't. Absolutely certain Medicare won't help you?

[Lachlann]

Who says it's a mistake?

[Nathan.]

Agnostic atheism? I thought there was only one type of atheist.

There are two types, agnostic atheists (weak atheists) and gnostic atheists (strong atheists). I'm an agnostic atheist.

[Silver]

There are two types, agnostic atheists (weak atheists) and gnostic atheists (strong atheists). I'm an agnostic atheist.

Atheists simply claim there are no deities, and that's it.

Agnostics doubt the claims of deities and also doubt the claims that there are no deities.

It conflicts.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

Dude...

I became homeless in December. Lost my job. I started transitioning all over again while living in a house with no furniture, no nothing except food from food stamps. Then I started performing at my local gay bar. I walk there pretty much every night and perform, hoping to become a regular there. With the tips I get (10 bucks or so for one number if there's a decent tipping crowd) I managed to buy the Rogaine for my face, deodorant, hair dye, mascara, eyeliner (for performing), and just got my new binder. It can be done. I get soap and stuff like that from the local Mission. And every Monday they hold a clothing closet where I find almost new clothes, sometimes with the tags still on. And I take online surveys from a site that pays out immediately. About a buck a survey. It's not much but it's something. It can be done. Keep your head up. I'm also next month getting into housing that will be paid for until I get back on my feet and get a job.

Not trying to sound like a prick or anything. I didn't believe any of this could be possible, didn't believe that my life was what I made it until I applied myself and started to believe in myself. Now I'm getting back on my feet. I don't live a very rich life...I'm basically poor and semi-homeless until I get my house and a job. But I'm determined.

[spacial]

zombiesarepeaceful

If it matters to you at all, even though I've never met you, I really admire you.

Never give up.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

Thanks

I know the goal seems far away but with self discipline in saving for the surgery, hormones, etc...if you want it bad enough, it'll happen. I used to be the exact opposite. I used to cringe in fear of what would happen to me if I couldn't afford everything. I used to not believe in myself and think nothing would be possible and ever happen. But it did, and it's still moving right along. It's hard to keep your head up when life is complete ->-bleeped-<-. But somehow I managed to grasp onto how to do it, and I'm running with it. Yeah, I still break down somtimes. And I hate to see when it happens, it scares me really..to think of being my old self again. It's something I fight everyday.

Oh, and I'm wiccan/pagan if it makes any difference. I don't believe in the christian god either. Doesn't make you any less of a person. We're all free to our own beliefs.

[kyril]

Atheists simply claim there are no deities, and that's it.

Agnostics doubt the claims of deities and also doubt the claims that there are no deities.

It conflicts.

No, it doesn't.

An atheist is anyone who lacks belief in a deity.
An agnostic is someone who doesn't know/isn't certain about the existence of deities.

One can have belief with or without certainty, and certainty with or without belief. The phrase "agnostic atheist" is used by those who simply don't believe in God/gods to differentiate themselves from the sort of atheists who believe there is no God/gods.

[Nathan.]

Atheists simply claim there are no deities, and that's it.

Agnostics doubt the claims of deities and also doubt the claims that there are no deities.

It conflicts.

Atheists do not claim there is no god they simply lack a belief in god(s) and agnosticism is the acceptence that you can never know for sure. I can't see how it conflicts.

[Devin87]

If this helps:  http://atheism.about.com/od/aboutagnosticism/a/atheism.htm

Anyway, never give up.  Everyone's on hard times right now.  I've got $100,000 in student loans and can't find a job so I'm substitute teaching day by day-- sometimes I get work every day for awhile and then there are times when I go without work for weeks.  I never know.  I'm lucky enough that my mother is letting me live with her since we own our house and it's all paid off and stuff (although I have to admit I'm less than thrilled about coming back and relying on my mother when I'm supposed to be a successful, college educated adult), but we're still struggling with stuff and there's not much extra money.  But getting all pessimistic about it never helps anything.  I go by the theory that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  I do believe in God, but I don't believe God's perfect or omnipotent or anything like that-- I believe that God's growing and changing along with us.  It's easy to just blame someone or something for your problems and heck-- a lot of times there IS someone else to blame-- but blaming them doesn't fix the problem.  You need to start with what you have and work from there, not worry about what you SHOULD have and what you want to have.  Keep looking forward and keep working day by day.  Things may not happen when you want and how you want, but if you just keep plugging away eventually they'll happen.

[Hikari]

I understand your feelings completely. I am in a financial bind right now, I just got out of court a few days ago. I find it very frustrating to get a summons just to tell the companies lawyer I don't have a job or money. Seriously, you can't get blood from a stone no matter how much pressure you put on it.

There is, as always a way forward. For me it is likely bankruptcy (but, ironically enough it takes money to declare bankruptcy) and then perhaps some sort of education. I think I'd like to enter some medical field. Then it is living on $0.88 Banquet dinners from the local Walmart and repairs on my 31 year old truck so that I can actually save some money.

I don't know the OP well enough to say what he should do specifically, but here is my advice: Take inventory of your strengths and weaknesses, design a realistic plan to get you out of your mess that plays on those strengths and weaknesses. It may take many iterations of your plan to get your out of your mess, It may take many years, but I would like to believe that anything is possible.

[Alex_C]

This is happening to a LOT of people, most people are trying to keep up appearances and no reveal how badly their lives are crashing.

Matthew, Zombies, you guys rule!

I lost my business, car, everything, in mid 2007. Went to stay with a friend in N. Arizona for a year, income was maybe a thousand a year, and Food Stamps. Everyone is on Food Stamps out there. Taught myself caricature drawing and sold off everything that would not fit on my back, and rode my 250cc motorcycle back out to California. I figured being a caricaturist would keep me fed. Surprise! No one cares out here. I ended up panhandling, then living off of a girlfriend, then selling various crafts on the street, basically hustling 'em for tips. I moved here, an undisclosed location, where I'm allowed to live for free in a trailer you'd have to PAY anyone else to live in. It's OK, I've replaced roof, plumbing, electric, and am gradually making it more liveable. I live on about $5k a year right now if I work really hard. Food Stamps are hard as hell to get out here so I don't bother, between food stores, what I earn, the garden, chickens, etc I'm in no danger of starving. I do chores around here and drive myself harder than the landowner would ever drive me, it works out great.

The alternative if I hadn't found this place would be a life expectancy of maybe 5 years, living on the street. So this place is a miracle! But miracles occasionally happen. What made this one happen was, while living off of my girlfriend I was fixing up everything at her place, and I got to know the guy who owns this land from a Peak Oil board, and he was impressed with my work ethic. This is one way of making a miracle happen.

I'm going to EMT school now because we'll need people with that skill set and more in the coming times.

My testosterone and 2 doctor visits a year costs me $500 a year. The T is $20 a month and I allocate $100 per doctor's visit which actually pays it all, I donate the excess to Planned Parenthood where I see this doc. Needles come with the test.

Up in the city of SF, I could probably get T and the doc's consults for free.

We're basically preppers, survivalists, here. Life is to be enjoyed and to prepare for the coming times. The ideal is society crashes and you don't even notice. I'm gambling that T will be obtainable for a while, as for surgery well .... that may happen for me and may not. Basically top surgery can be saved up for.

Being homeless is NO FUN. You lose things; it took me over a year to get a decent soldering iron again, same for a working digital camera. The keyboard on this 10-year-old loaned computer was so bad I had to HAMMER on it, the one I spent a lavish $10 on at a swap meet is wonderful. I dare now to assume, as I'm told, that I can stay here into the forseeable future since I'm a friend and useful. But in the back of my mind there's always the worry that I'll have to go feral again. I suspect that never leaves a person.

Performing, making small handicrafts, are good ways to make ends meet on the street. Also putting together a bunch of little ways to bring in a little money, that add up to a living.

Anyone who likes can send me a private message to ask questions etc., and I'll share whatever I know.

[Silver]

Atheists do not claim there is no god they simply lack a belief in god(s) and agnosticism is the acceptence that you can never know for sure. I can't see how it conflicts.

No, it doesn't.

An atheist is anyone who lacks belief in a deity.
An agnostic is someone who doesn't know/isn't certain about the existence of deities.

One can have belief with or without certainty, and certainty with or without belief. The phrase "agnostic atheist" is used by those who simply don't believe in God/gods to differentiate themselves from the sort of atheists who believe there is no God/gods.

I'm not going to agree with you and I doubt I'll change your minds. I drop it here.

[Radar]

zombiesarepeaceful

If it matters to you at all, even though I've never met you, I really admire you.

Same here. You show us that no matter the circumstances there's always a way to transition. Some things we might have to wait on but the possibility and looking forward to it is always there.

[Cowboi]

My testosterone and 2 doctor visits a year costs me $500 a year. The T is $20 a month and I allocate $100 per doctor's visit which actually pays it all, I donate the excess to Planned Parenthood where I see this doc. Needles come with the test.

Damn, I hate you right now (just because of the money thing). My testosterone costs me way more than that. I pay almost $500 just for one appointment and blood work and I do both twice a year, then I pay about $120 for my T and needles through the year as well.

For the OP, I'm not sure where you are from but if there is a planned parenthood near you contact them! There are several cities where planned parenthood offers services for trans people for discounted rates. They are just now starting here in Nebraska and I know that they had it in California somewhere originally. Our FTM social/support group here is actually ran by a transman who works for them and deals with all of their trans related issues. He finally pushed through and got them to start a program in the last couple of months after trying for a few years. He told us that they are talking about expanding the program nationally. Here they offer discounted blood work I know for sure, I haven't been to a meeting lately so I'm not sure what else they have. I've heard some offer help with counseling and obtaining T but I'm not sure if that is true or how they handle it.

I'm in the same boat as you, and on top of it my fiancee is mtf so we have double the costs! Her surgeries alone would bankrupt us (which is funny because I'm already in the process of claiming bankruptcy right now). Add mine on top of that and I will be amazed if we can afford to complete both of our SRS needs by the time we are in our 50s, considering that she turns 30 next month and has had no surgeries at all and neither have I. It's very depressing how it all goes. Our only luck is that she gets student loans but we both work so it's really just extra money. Hopefully by the end of 2011 we will be able to pay for my chest surgery, we've agreed that will be our first step since it is something that prevents me from being able to participate in regular activities like swimming and also prevents me from passing all of the time (despite my small A cups!). She passes regularly and of course has breast growth and penis shrinkage from hormones so she can deal with it easier than I can. It's a huge bummer though, I've been out for 10 years and still have to wait another 2 years for my first surgery and God knows how long after that for my bottom surgery

[Alex_C]

Cowboi  - Come on man, I'm getting my services in Santa Cruz, not exactly the cheapest place in the world! My alternative would be a supposedly "cool" doctor in Los Gatos who'd be about the same I think. I have no health insurance. I pay cash. The T is from Strohecker's and comes with #18's for drawing and #22's for injecting. Some of which are dull. Just gotta man up. I know a guy using the T cream, that's expensive. But injecting is cheap.

All - Just about EVERYONE is going through this economic thing. It's just that just about EVERYONE thinks everyone ELSE is doing OK! The truth is, everyone's naked under their clothes, and everyone's financially naked under this new economy.

Zombies - I really applaud you for performing at that gay bar, once you get good enough you may branch out into other places too. People keep telling me music/performance are bad careers financially speaking, but what careers are good ones these days? I see musicians making $100 a night, for a few hours' work, that's pretty good to me. Drive on!

The truth is that anything that works for you, is worth pursuing. Whether it's making baby clothes, making brownies and selling them door to door, fixing bikes, picking up bottles and cans, anything. Once you've adapted to living on a very low income, what used to be a hobby becomes something that can sustain you.

[Cowboi]

Cowboi  - Come on man, I'm getting my services in Santa Cruz, not exactly the cheapest place in the world! My alternative would be a supposedly "cool" doctor in Los Gatos who'd be about the same I think. I have no health insurance. I pay cash. The T is from Strohecker's and comes with #18's for drawing and #22's for injecting. Some of which are dull. Just gotta man up. I know a guy using the T cream, that's expensive. But injecting is cheap.

I actually use Strohecker's as well but I have to fill my prescription twice a year, we must just be on different doses. Also the place I go here for blood work and my endo is actually one of the cheapest in tow, it's actually through Creighton University's med school and I always have a lot of student doctors and ->-bleeped-<- coming in with my endo to see me and learn about dealing with trans clients. I'd say Omaha isn't to expensive to live in but it also isn't cheap, just about average

[Alex_C]

California is an expensive place to live, except for the other 49 states. Actually 48 since Hawaii is cheaper.

I'm taking 100mg a week. You're likely doing that or 200mg every 2 weeks.

I worked it out on a yearly basis, out of curiousity and to reassure myself that I can afford it even if I have to make the $500 a year by holding a sign by the freeway onramp.

[tekla]

since Hawaii is cheaper.

Perhaps for T, sugar, and pineapple, but not for anything else.  Rent in Honolulu makes Tiburon look like a low rent district.  Everything else get shipping from the mainland tacked on to the cost, so very little is cheap there.