Hello...um...I'm sorry I am extremely nervous...>///< this is the first time posting a thread has made me feel so shy...I think its because I really need to be accepted here and I am afraid of saying the wrong thing...
So...let me start out by saying Im not usually like this. I'm very "unique" I have neon hair and I couldnt care less what the people at my school think about me...most of the time.
I'm kinda messed up in the head, the doctors change my diagnosis a few times a year, right now they say I'm "schitzo affective bipolar dissorder, depressive". But thats a long word, so you can call me Android
(my failed attempt at humor...)
I am biologically female...
I've always identified with the transgender comunity...ever since I was a child, I wished I had been born intersexed. In middle school I read "Luna", a book about a MtF, and I loved it. I identified so much with the characters...I wished I was born a boy so I could be a Mtf...yeah I don't get it but I kind of felt like a MtF traped in a female body...but I'm coming to realize the term "genderfluid" fits me best.
When I was in middle school I didnt know there was such a thing as FtM, so I wished I could be a boy and be MtF. Recently I've been wanting to begin life as FtM but to cut my hair short and the other things...I wouldnt look good as a girl then, and sometimes I still feel kind of like a girl. Now I realize I just cant always fill just one gender role...I fluctuate from masculine to feminine, and everywere inbetween.
I'm going to work on pulling off the androgynous look...I would feel more comfortable that way...if that was my normal and when I was feeling more masculine or feminine depending on how I felt that day...honestly an androgyne look and life would be perfect for me...when I was considering FtM the boy I wanted to become would have been a rather androgynous emo/scene/punk...
Sorry if I ranted, I just needed to try to explain myself and be honest, and find people to talk to this about.
I really hope I can make friends on here and get advice