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Abuse

Started by saint, May 18, 2010, 01:08:24 PM

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saint

Just got my first transphobic comment!  I was out walking wearing male clothing apart from a slim-fit girls pink/black tie-dyed tshirt (fashion has never been a friend of mine :D) when a couple of young guys came out with "is that a man?  What is it?" comments.  I blanked them and walked on - a couple of minutes later I decided I was really angry but it was too late by then (isn't it always  :))

I was just wondering  - how often do people here experience such comments, and how do they react to them?  Like I said, I was really angry after the event and wished I had told them to f**k off, but then again I am not likely to come off very well in a physical confontation, and anyway you can't take on everyone who is gonna give you a mouthful.

Hey ho, if I am that offensive to such meatheads I guess I must be doing something right...
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LordKAT

The comments are common. Blow em off and keep on going.
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Rock_chick

Yeah, carry on walking...the one time I actually got angry there and then I ended up more scared than I would have been if I'd just carried on.

I blame the fact I had a huge red dread mohawk...I was infused with punk attitude and responded in kind. I just ended up getting a huge fright when the van they were in stopped and started reversing.
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rejennyrated

My stock reply from back in the days when I used to encounter that sort of attitude was something along these lines:

"Well if you can't work a simple thing like that out for yourself you can't really expect me to waste my time explaining it to you!"

I used to use that to devastating effect in my younger days. It works best when delivered with a laugh!
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no_id

I'm a bit confused by this topic since it's in the AG section. I guess I wonder what you presented as during that situation; gender neutral, gender queer, male, female?... Because if it was either of the first two then I'm not sure why you'd become angry about those comments - I mean, obviously you achieved your goal; they couldn't figure you out. Sure, 'it' can be quite a boo-hoo word, but it's not like you can really expect folk to suddenly know different terms besides 'male' and 'female' or have a booklet on neutral pronouns. If you look at it that way, 'it' probably wasn't even the most 'negative' choice.

For a bit of personal input: I present myself in a gender-neutral fashion and people often have trouble determining my biological sex (from a distance they often figure me male and then get confused when I come closer). Every now and then they whisper, sometimes I get a 'Sorry, but I really can't see whether you're trying to be Rose or Roy' comment - mostly people tend to be intrigued and I get hit on by high school girls. It doesn't make me angry, it makes me want to do a little dance and pull off a cocky little smirk because it means I am read the way I see myself on the inside (or better put: lacked to read). The only comment that annoys me is '(bull)dyke' and I admit the highschool girls make me somewhat uncomfortable in a 'I'm really too old for you' kind of way.
Tara: The one time in my life I thought I was happy, I was a f**kin zombie.

True Blood S3E2
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rejennyrated

somehow No_Id - I really can't see you as a bull dyke! You are far too attractive and unthreatening.

Trust me I've known, and been hit on by many bull dykes and they are scary creatures! :o Whereas you I would positively enjoy being pursued by!   :laugh:

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no_id

Quote from: rejennyrated on May 18, 2010, 03:06:17 PM
somehow No_Id - I really can't see you as a bull dyke! You are far too attractive and unthreatening.

Trust me I've known, and been hit on by many bull dykes and they are scary creatures! :o Whereas you I would positively enjoy being pursued by!   :laugh:
Hahaha thanks Jenny. ;D I'll keep that in mind if someone throw's that bloody word at me again... ;)
Watch out though, I might flex in my next avatar picture to rawr now.  8)
Tara: The one time in my life I thought I was happy, I was a f**kin zombie.

True Blood S3E2
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rejennyrated

Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on May 18, 2010, 04:43:35 PM
I prefer this approach:
Guy: "Are you a man?"
Me: "Why? Want some tips on how to be one?"
Priceless!  :laugh:
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Rock_chick

Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on May 18, 2010, 04:43:35 PM
I prefer this approach:
Guy: "Are you a man?"
Me: "Why? Want some tips on how to be one?"

*writes this down in her little black book of useful stuff for use at a later date*


Quote from: rejennyrated on May 18, 2010, 02:47:52 PM
My stock reply from back in the days when I used to encounter that sort of attitude was something along these lines:

"Well if you can't work a simple thing like that out for yourself you can't really expect me to waste my time explaining it to you!"

I used to use that to devastating effect in my younger days. It works best when delivered with a laugh!

*This one as well*
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Torn1990

For some reason, I can be flattered by that kind of thing.. As long as it isn't directly confrontational, inwhich I intelligently shut them down or start irrationally verbalizing something that doesn't make sense before teleporting.. It's usually one of the extremes...lmao.. Hmm, either way I mean.. I don't mind challenging people's minds in those ways, even if theyre outwardly being rude, i'm sure later there must be some gender introspection! Even though I may not have felt represented in a way I would have preferred.. I don't think this world will ever be discrimination free.. Not in my life time anyway. So it's best to ignore all of it unless what you can do or say will make a difference and not egg on anything too conflicting.
queer, transgender woman, Feminist, & writer. ~
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Pica Pica

Sounds more like fashion comments than anything else  :D
'For the circle may be squared with rising and swelling.' Kit Smart
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Miniar

I remember walking down the street several months ago and hearing someone call out "are you a guy or a girl?" from a car as they drove past.
If I recall correctly, my standard BS answer just came out. "I'm a banana!"

... sometimes.. stupid questions deserve stupid answers..




"Everyone who has ever built anywhere a new heaven first found the power thereto in his own hell" - Nietzsche
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tekla

I'm with Pica2 on this one, its just fashion commentary.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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Hurtfulsplash

Quote from: Miniar on May 18, 2010, 08:15:59 PM
I remember walking down the street several months ago and hearing someone call out "are you a guy or a girl?" from a car as they drove past.
If I recall correctly, my standard BS answer just came out. "I'm a banana!"

... sometimes.. stupid questions deserve stupid answers..

LOL  ;D

I used to get comments in high school all the time, which I just ignored, I was pretty shy and quiet anyway, but I never get them anymore.
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saint

Quote from: no_id on May 18, 2010, 03:00:19 PM
I'm a bit confused by this topic since it's in the AG section. I guess I wonder what you presented as during that situation; gender neutral, gender queer, male, female?... Because if it was either of the first two then I'm not sure why you'd become angry about those comments - I mean, obviously you achieved your goal; they couldn't figure you out. Sure, 'it' can be quite a boo-hoo word, but it's not like you can really expect folk to suddenly know different terms besides 'male' and 'female' or have a booklet on neutral pronouns. If you look at it that way, 'it' probably wasn't even the most 'negative' choice.

I was presenting as male, the comments were in the tone of being aggressive/contemptuous rather than honest confusion.  I posted it in the AG section cuz I am in the 'questioning' stage right now and this is the area of the site I am most drawn to.  I do see where you are coming from though.


I was in a pretty low state of mind yesterday and not really at my strongest point for dealing with such comments.  I think in the future I will be prepared for such things and let them pass by more.  Strangely enough I hadn't really thought about this aspect of altering my appearance; I had been focusing on the battle against my own shyness and challenging my old thought and behavoiur patterns.

As for the fashion comments; just you wait til I have enough posts to put up pics, you will eat your words then dammit!  ;D :D
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accord03

Yeahh but it's better then them knowing you don't have the parts. Atleast they were confused.


Oh, I wore a purple/white dress shirt once for a dance thingy at my gfs school. She wore a purple dress so I had to match her. We were taking pics and after it, apparently some guys asked my gf why is ur bf wearing a pink shirt? I was happy. They couldnt even tell and of course, I know they're jealous of me  :P
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Nat

lol. I like the banana come-back. MY friends and i used to just reply. "yes" to the standard "are you a girl or a boy" question. Generally now, i just say "Queer" and get it out. If they have something against it i mention i'm not interested in being with or around them so they don't have to deal with it and can just leave. But this may be my new stupidity/courage. My Girlfriend still says "yes".
Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on May 18, 2010, 05:03:36 PM
Another good one (stolen from Alien):
Guy: "Have you ever been told you look like a man?"
Me: "No. Have you?"
I have also used that one before, But with "yes, have you"
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FlyerBullyBoyFanGirl

 >:(

at disney world in december, a drunken women in 50's prime time cafe asked outright if I was a lesbian.

I said NO! I am married, and flashed my bling.

it was not the first time. yet, it bothered me the most.

what DO you say, if you cannot say DROP DEAD ALREADY!


???????????????????????


newbie androgyny here, and needing help.
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FlyerBullyBoyFanGirl

i should explain more.

yes , newly discovered to be androgynous, but heterosexual female married to heterosexual male.

wait-  so then who am i?????


Post Merge: June 21, 2010, 06:34:55 PM

maybe i am just getting this all wrong.
???
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Shang

I want comments like that.  Well, comments like that in a confused tone--if it gets aggressive, I get aggressive.  However, my answer would be, "Choose which you want." (Which I've said to friends who ask 'cause I think it's mostly funny). Sadly, I can only come off as female currently.
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