Dealing with Trans Angst

[BardicFire]

My parents accept it, but basically have completely ignored it (except when they are angry). they conveniently "forget" about therapy (even though I could use it for a million other things) the only time I get to dress up is when I'm home alone, and at my UU youth gatherings. I don't have any money to go out and buy clothes, I basically get to the point I don't even bother trying to break out of the male societal role I've been forced in my whole life (not that I ever really rebelled against it). I basically have NOTHING to help me, except loving support from my girlfriend and UU friends, which true is really good, but doesn't help me actually GET RESULTS. Basically when I'm feeling paticularly girly and wanting of femininity I get to the point I want it so bad I get to the point where I just HAVE to try to male again because it's a relief from the absolute desire to NOT be it (if that makes any sense)

any helpful tips on how to deal with the Trans Angst?

[BardicFire]

no... I don't know how... I don't really know anything about all this right now...

[Cindy]

I totally agree with Vexing,

So many people come on and say what do I do? There is no magic wand. We really have to plan our lives, whether it is about or gender/sexuality or where we want to go in the world, geographically and socially . Every management plan starts with where are you going and how will you get there. No matter what in life that you have, make a plan and update it regularly. It doesn't mean you are a control freak, it doesn't mean you are being conservative; it means YOU have control of your life. It also points out problems that have to addressed. You may need money, you may want a particular career, how are you going to achieve those targets? I'm pretty sure that the Richard Branson's etc didn't just wake up and say, "Mmmm I think I'll be rich". I'm also pretty sure that the people on this site who have achieved their goals have done so by damn hard work, planning and taking opportunities when they arrive. 

That said we are here for you at any time. Life is a struggle but it a fight we can win with the help of friends etc.

Hugs
Cindy

[Muffin]

Out of all the transgender websites I've been to I have never seen one single one that offers a (printable) article that can be given to loved ones, family, friends etc whatever for them to read in their own space. Something that explains the situation logically and clearly to the point they no longer have any questions, they just ...understand. There are answers out there, there is just a missing link so it seems to me.
Some people have the ability to explain it all to people and they are lucky but some don't especially the younger people that don't know much about it themselves.
I don't understand how anyone could kick up a fuss after reading something that spells it out in plain english. If they don't get it after reading what could be essentially and officially the bible equivalent of what it means to be transgendered in what ever form then they never will, unless time changes them.
I feel that when a lot of people explain it to parents the parents don't believe them on the grounds of heresy and false justifications for actions they disagree with. Parents know best against seemingly plucked out of the air words?

There are two kinds of people those that care and understand and those that don't, some times the ones that don't eventually do with time but they can't be pushed. A well written article/explanation could help balance those numbers a little. But unfortunately it will never be 100%

I guess I was fortunate to have parents that were open minded and never mingled with my life too much in order to let me develop into my true self by myself but some parents have dreams, aspirations of what their children could be. They want it so much they reject what the child really feels is best for them. They will 99% time reject the notion because they can't admit it to themselves. Some people just can't be challenged.

If my parents or anyone came in between me and who I need to become after I'd explained it the best way possible then I would only be left with one option.
Still that perfect article..... if I was good with words I'd made a draft and start passing it around to be re-written, honed and perfected to be undeniably unquestionable. Something that everyone that reads within the community replies with "wow...just wow ...that is the TG bible!!"
*such a dreamer*.

[jennajane]

To the OP, like others have said, make a plan and do it.  You will not get results without action.  I remember a time when all my girl clothes were things purchased at the second hand store for next to nothing.  Things do not happen quickly for most, and honestly it took me some financial independence to really start down the transition post.

Out of all the transgender websites I've been to I have never seen one single one that offers a (printable) article that can be given to loved ones, family, friends etc whatever for them to read in their own space.

This brought two thoughts to my mind.  First, I agree, this is a needed resource.  My therapist told me last week that for most people, education is the key, and the more I talk to people, the more this is obvious, even if they're just open enough to allow me to educate them.  Because once people become educated on the subject, they become a lot more understanding and accepting.  But so many people think that their opinions on gender and sexuality must be right even if they don't know anything about it besides their own experiences.

Secondly, I bought a book for my parents and sister last year for Christmas, and have 2 friends that have read it as well.  I really liked it too. 
Trueselves: Understanding Transsexualism--For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals

Jenna!

[spacial]

Out of all the transgender websites I've been to I have never seen one single one that offers a (printable) article that can be given to loved ones, family, friends etc whatever for them to read in their own space. Something that explains the situation logically and clearly to the point they no longer have any questions, they just ...understand. There are answers out there, there is just a missing link so it seems to me.

I'm sorry, I have to disagree.

I've read a number of things here that could be used or adapted.

The real questions are, what sort of parents we have, what our relationship is with them and what are the nture of the problems.

Sorry to say, that for most people, facing the enormous problems of being transgendered or any other problem, the only solution is to make a life plan.

Sit down and decide what you want. Then draw up a flexable plan on how you can achieve it.

[BardicFire]

the only real plan I have is that as soon as I start College (Community College, this year, so I'll still be living with my parents, unfortunately) to try to find a Therapist I can start seeing, I wish to transition as fast as possible, I really would like to spend some of younger years as a woman. I plan on doing Hormone and Electrolysis at least, with possibly GRS later in life. and I plan on freezing sperm. Thats all I have for a plan.

[Nicky]

Yeah, a very good start.

If you get a therapist, then they can help you plan the rest. So maybe that is the first priority? You will need one anyway to get homones etc.. so it is a great starting point.

Perhaps look for a part time job? Get some funds together? Even if it is just fast food job. That way you are not totally dependant on your folks for things like clothing etc... It will also help you become more employable in the future to have some work experience no matter what it is.

[MillieB]

Much as I agree that an article that explains things could be useful, I used the letter that the specialist wrote for my G.P as it explained the facts really well. However, when telling family and friends, I really do think that you are the only person who can convey your feelings,hopes and dreams adequately, these people have known us for a long time and if you hand them something that was written by someone else as an explaination of your feelings, they are likely to dismissit as when it comes to something as important as this,they have to know that it comes from the heart, not from a webpage.

At the end of the day, you know why you need to transition, it's just getting that across in a way that people will be able to understand and respect that is the tricky part, so for that, I do think that it would be good if there was something online, maybe a few so you could pick up tips and the things that apply to you and come up with something that describes your unique situatiion.


And yes I completely get the thing about becoming as masculine as possible to try to deal with your GD. However, trying to block it out never worked for me as it is just who I am, no amount of running was ever going to change that. It sounds as though you have a well thought out plan and people will respect that. It shows that you are coming up with sensible ideas and not just running towards the unknown.

Take care   Millie xxx

[Muffin]

Sorry milly I couldn't even finish our post. But it's not just you.. it's others as well. I've noticed since I've started coming here again that people take my words and twist them and make them sound completely different to what they were intended.
so................... at what point of my post did I say "don't speak to anyone, don't even open your mouth, just hand them a piece of paper and run!!!!".

That's right I didn't. Damn I'm finding it hard to understand why I came back here. *deletes*.

[Renate]

Out of all the transgender websites I've been to I have never seen one single one that offers a (printable) article that can be given to loved ones, family, friends etc...

Try PFLAG's Welcoming Our Trans Family and Friends

[MillieB]

so................... at what point of my post did I say "don't speak to anyone, don't even open your mouth, just hand them a piece of paper and run!!!!.

Yes, you're right, my sole function in life is to twist Your words, I can't help it, it just consumes me!

In all seriousness, I wasn't even disagreeing with you just adding that you do need to tell them how you are feeling, what's going on with you as being transgender or transsexual is a diverse state of being and often things are highly individualised so it is difficult to use someone elses words. Did I say that somethingthat explains a bit more about what gender dysphoria is would not be useful? no in fact I said that I used my doctors letter.

There is a big, big difference between having a slightly different outlook on something and attacking someone, I certainly hope that you don't think that I was attacking you.

[BardicFire]

problem with getting job: I need a car to get a job, can't drive my parents car as they need it for festivals (you see my parents make leather masks and sell them at various craft festivals in the region... full time). so I need a car to get a job, and I need a job to get a car... GAH LOOPHOLES.

[blackMamba]

any helpful tips on how to deal with the Trans Angst?

I cry a lot, it seems to help.  Seriously.  I cried on the drive home from work today and now I feel better.

And btw, it's spelled trangst 

[lilacwoman]

[ and I need a job to get a car... GAH LOOPHOLES.
[/quote]
America is the land of short order waitresses? go do the long hours for low pay and eventually you'll get a car...

[BardicFire]

hahaha, like I said though, I need a car to get me there, closest place to do that is like 3 hour walk... or more...

[tekla]

a 3 hour walk is a 1 hour bike ride, and bikes are cheap.

[BardicFire]

a) I'm probably wrong on the time.
b) I live in the mountains. 3 three hour walk is a 3 hour bike ride...

[tekla]

only if its uphill all the way, and uphill both ways. 

[lilacwoman]

I can't imagine what its like to live so remote that it takes 3 hours to get anywhere...
but cash making idea...I presume you are maximising sales of the leather masks on Ebay? and then of course put a tent and a porta-potty over by the trees and offer wilderness holiday/retreats...or 3 hour bicycle rides...or  whatever...  wait a minute can I come and live in your corner of the world - so much opportunity to get rich!  (and change sex)