Sometimes I get angry.

[emoboi]

I usually get angry with myself that I'm so fat, incredibly fat like discusting. I don't know how I got to thinking that 24/7. But that is my life. I feel so sick now from not eating when i feel like I ate too much today anyways. And I want to push everyone away so I can be left alone and not be talked about all the time and listen to "have you eaten" I'm so sick of that. Getting out of control, eating too much, then throwing up in the fking sink. It's my dirty discusting secret that is going to kill me.

[Alyx.]

You should seriously get on some anti-depressants dude.

[emoboi]

I was on them but then I stopped taking them I don't know if I want to be on them again.

[tekla]

You're not fat.  Not even close.  Get professional help. 

PS Guys tend not to care if they are the big dog.

[Alyx.]

Well, you may not know it, but sometimes I have pretty low self esteem on account of being a big geek. But on days when I take care of myself, express myself properly and take the correct medication, I like myself.

Anyways, all my heroes are geeks too, so it's all good I guess.

[emoboi]

Tekla I don't really care that most guys dont care if they are "big dogs".

[confused]

of course your obviously not anything that is even related to fat , but you just can't keep thinking that you are , i get that . then my friend you need help from the outside as you actually can not help yourself. i get your anger , though i don't know it's source , maybe all you need is some one around you who listen to you rather than tells you stuff to do , but then again , when that someone is there , will you tell them what you wanna say? and that's where professional help steps in

[Alyx.]

Tekla I don't really care that most guys dont care if they are "big dogs".

I know plenty of guys that care a lot about their appearance. Especially the gay or the emo ones, which you happen to be both.

Also, I've noticed a rise in the number of guys in the bathroom during passing time, so it seems to be rising overall as well.

[emoboi]

I just can't open my mouth and say the words that need to be said to a therapist. I Just can't speak to them.
Post Merge: June 08, 2010, 02:14:01 AM

I know plenty of guys that care a lot about their appearance. Especially the gay or the emo ones, which you happen to be both.

Also, I've noticed a rise in the number of guys in the bathroom during passing time, so it seems to be rising overall as well.

hehe I LOVE YOU HEARTWOODY! ^_^

[uni]

Topamax helps binge/purging plus it allows you to eat whatever you want without gaining weight, in fact you might lose weight eating more than you normally do.

[Alyx.]

I just can't open my mouth and say the words that need to be said to a therapist. I Just can't speak to them.
Post Merge: June 08, 2010, 02:14:01 AM
hehe I LOVE YOU HEARTWOODY! ^_^

Daaw, I love you too. ^_^

[Elijah3291]

I know plenty of guys that care a lot about their appearance. Especially the gay or the emo ones, which you happen to be both.

Also, I've noticed a rise in the number of guys in the bathroom during passing time, so it seems to be rising overall as well.

yea, guys care about being fat.. my bio guy friend is always worried about his gut, and is working out constantly..

and I can understand a transguy being more worried about weight, becuase if he is not on T.. then his fat will be feminine.. hips, chest.. bla

but emoboi, i can understand it is hard for you to make yourself eat.. but at least eat proteins or something

[emoboi]

Lately I've been binging and purging a lot I've gained weight and It makes me sick (lol).
But now I'm going to have more control I need control I cannot be fat. I also need to quit doing it so often because its hurting my throat.
Post Merge: June 08, 2010, 02:20:43 AM

Topamax helps binge/purging plus it allows you to eat whatever you want without gaining weight, in fact you might lose weight eating more than you normally do.

How is that possible?

[Alyx.]

yea, guys care about being fat.. my bio guy friend is always worried about his gut, and is working out constantly..

Oh yeah.

My bio male friend gets depressed because he's fat. So anyways, just because you don't want to be fat doesn't make you any less of a man or anything, it's completely normal for both sexes.

However, this bulimia or whatever you have is not.

[uni]

Lately I've been binging and purging a lot I've gained weight and It makes me sick (lol).
But now I'm going to have more control I need control I cannot be fat. I also need to quit doing it so often because its hurting my throat.
Post Merge: June 08, 2010, 02:20:43 AMHow is that possible?

When I was binging/purging as a teen I was a lot heavier. No amount of therapy helped at all. Being on topamax broke that addictive urge. I felt hungry, ate, then felt satisfied and stopped thinking of food. Plus I lost over ten pounds and still eat ALOT. It saved my life.
It's an anticonvulsant and for some reason at small doses it is used to treat binge eating. It's expensive but there is a generic brand out there. Go see a doctor.

[emoboi]

Yea if I don't binge purge I will prob just restrict, I'm not currently seeing a doctor. I just look at all these thin people and I so badly want to look like that I just look so discusting.

[uni]

Yea if I don't binge purge I will prob just restrict, I'm not currently seeing a doctor. I just look at all these thin people and I so badly want to look like that I just look so discusting.

Why aren't you seeing a doctor or therapist? Restricting is the number one cause of  binging, and it also lowers your metabolism so that you hold onto more fat when your body does get food. Not a good idea. Eating meals could prevent the urge to binge, and therefore, prevent weight gain.

[emoboi]

When I eat I want to binge.
Post Merge: June 08, 2010, 02:51:13 AM
and I dont know why I'm not seeing either of those.

[Inphyy]

I don't know if it's being a girl and having to conform to society's standards but men as well are now being told that they have to have six pack abs and be good looking and have style.

People believe what society puts out and I'm going to honestly admit at times I think I am so fat and disgusting and that's likely why guys don't like me.

At times I also get depressed and the funny thing is when I try not to eat I can sometimes do it but then when I'm like, "Oh yeah I won't eat today", I eat a lot! Haha.

But also I have never ever and I mean never threw up on purpose or even tried to cut myself before. I know I am better then to do that.

I'm either 5'11 or 5'12 can't remember and I'm like 145 pounds and I think I'm obese because I'm not like the girls who are 120 something pounds.

But it goes day by day and other people say I am skinny and others say I am fat...So what I'm trying to say is no matter what weight you are, you still might not like your results along with what other bull people feed you (No pun intended...Well maybe), so in the end you might need those pills or you might also be going through typical stuff.

[aydan_boy]

I feel for ya... I hate eating too. I just feel so bloated and horrible afterwards... But dude, you are no where near fat. Just judging from your pic, your nothing close. You shouldn't throw the food back up. Starvation is bad enough, don't want to get rotten teeth from the bulmia too do ya? Bad breath and yellowing, holey teeth? Those two things are just as bad as being fat, which you are OBVIOUSLY not. See a doctor dude, before its too late.