Quote from: Elijah on June 11, 2010, 11:00:22 AM
I have a friend who strongly identifies as a lesbian.. but she is very serious with her FTM boyfriend.. and she thinks of him as a man.. but she still calls herself as lesbian.. which she still is, she just likes a guy
so, like the others have said, you can be a lesbian who happens to be dating a guy because you love him
o.O smiley emoticon thingies =^_^=
My only real thought right now is... why don't more people see it that way...
THANK YOU... srsly... THANKS Eli.
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... and now that I've thanked you, I decided I want to post again on this thread (I had some neat thoughts since my last post)
My own take on this: ((( Firstly, I consider myself a lesbian, and do not welcome people telling me otherwise!!! )))
--- part 1: straight people ---
There are [[ technically ]] bisexual persons WHOM DO NOT OPENLY ADMIT to being "not straight"
Example: a not-100% straight person (bisexual / bicurious) might sometimes claim:
"sorry, I don't swing that way / don't like <<<your gender>>> / I'm straight"
... some would say that is a "cop-out" / "closeted behavior" / excuse, etc. etc. etc.
Do non-straight people REALLY have an obligation (moral or otherwise) to play lip service to "out and proud" persons, or otherwise start saying they are not-straight?
--- part 2: I'm a lesbian ---
((( this part of my perspective, I understand better as I AM NOT speculating, it is my personal experience )))
IN MY OWN, PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. I find that being "lesbian" better describes my not-100% female (but still female) presentation (That, and I prefer women)
I'm open-minded ... 100% black / white: "ABSOLUTE gender binary" ... HECK NO! (not for me, sorry)
100% of men are NOT like all other men, nor are women all the same, nor are all persons one or the other.
I love a person for who they are inside...
PREFER women... isn't that really the point? can't a person simplify things and say "straight" (or gay, or lesbian) when that is their PREFERENCE.
Another way of looking at "sexual preference" ... in my case, I'll ADMIT I'm [[ technically ]] bisexual ((( just as many "straight" people are technically bisexual )))
Over the years, I have gravitated toward persons whom ((( at a glance, by first thinking of their gender, conversational factors, sense of humor, political views, interests ))) I anticipate compatibility with.
--- part 3: ask yourself this question ---
Could you still love someone whom you had already determined you are compatibile with, and love or care about, even though they are in the process of, plan to, or have already changed something in their life?
((( gender, political affiliation, nifty hobby, taste in music or movies or books, being vegan / non-vegan diet, etc... the sorts of things you initially were drawn to )))
In my opinion... changing a few things is fine... I still love my partner. I want them to be happy, and do what feels right. If they feel better about themselves being vegan (or not) or jewish or pagan or joking about flying spaghetti monsters, or start spending more time watching some anime I don't like instead of going for walks as often... well... sure, some things are more of an adjustment than others.
I REALLY WANT someone I love to be happy, and I accept them for who they are. They are still the person I fell in love with, and still worth my time.
In any relationships, when there is a change, communication is the only way I've found to determine if the change / new & different thing is REALLY going to be a deal breaker.
"honey, does this really make you happy? ok, good... then I accept it"
((( YAY!!! GOOD JOB LOVERS!!! KISS AND BE HAPPY!!! )))
"honey, I don't care if it makes you happy... you're wrong / that's stupid / you're invalid / you are no longer desirable because of it"
... the legal term for that (in the context of marriage) is [[ irreconcilable difference ]]
