I'm really sick of my parents when it comes to transitioning at the moment. It's like no matter what I tell them, they're not realizing how important it is too get the ball rolling.
I came out to my parents last New Year's Eve after a dream about it that really shook me up (It was a really stupid dream, but the guilt of hiding from my parents really got to me when I woke up). I was upset to the point where I was having a panic attack when I woke up. I've never gotten that stressed over anything, so at that point I knew I had to tell them.
I made sure to make it as blunt as I could while still being considerate of their feelings. I started it out by saying, "Mom, Dad, I'm transgendered. I want to be a boy." I made things very clear. At one thing they asked me if I was sure, and I told them, "I'm positive. I've known for years."
Zoom to four months later. After bugging them relentlessly to make a therapists appointment, they finally scheduled one in May. I would've done it myself much sooner, but where I'm going the first meeting is a family appointment, so I needed them to agree to it. Eventually, they had to cancel it for reasons I don't remember.
So there I was, 5 months later now. I came out and didn't make any progress no matter what I tried to tell them, which was really getting to me. Dysphoria was (and still is) at it's peak, and every time any trans issue came up, the conversation would end a few sentences later.
The straw that broke the camel's back came a week or so ago. I had told my mom several times I wanted a haircut, and showed her pics of exactly what I wanted. She knew how big of a thing it was for me to finally get the hairstyle I wanted. But one day, she was looking through a JCPenny's ad, and I commented on one of the girl's hair by saying I liked it. She instantly jumped on it and said we should go get my hair done this summer, and that we could ask my hairdresser to get it cut like that, blahblahblah. It was an OBVIOUS woman's cut. I didn't say anything then because I figured I could deal with a woman's cut for a little longer.
But then it brewed overnight...And the next day I spilled my guts to her. I hate to cry in front of anyone, but I did it. I told her I was sick of trying to accommodate for my parents when this was something I NEEDED, I NEEDED therapy, I NEEDED some progress, and I was going to get the haircut I wanted. And what did she say to me?
"When you told us on New Year's, it seemed like you were still thinking about it. It didn't seem urgent to you."
.......What?
"Why didn't you tell us this is how you felt?"
....I did. SIX MONTHS AGO. And several times after!
"We want to support you no matter what."
Then why are you ignoring how I feel?
And to top it all off, the day after my breakdown she tells me that I should cut my hair like Ellen Degeneras. I like Ellen as much as the next person, but it was like nothing went through to her. How many times do I have to say "I AM NOT A WOMAN" for it to sink in?
I just don't get it. I don't know how I could make it any more blunt for them. Is this some sort of subtle transphobia? I know that this affects them just as much as it affects me, but it was like pulling teeth just to get a damn therapy session (which is July 19th, thank God).
Sorry that was so long, but this is a place to rant after all. XD
